It's Good I Have Thick Skin...

No, actually I'm just too busy to get upset.

My daughter's teacher has said a few things to me that could cut you like a knife if you were the sensitive type. OK, I am totally and overwhelmingly the sensitive type so it's clear that I'm just be too busy to think much about it.

You know how she spent the night at her house a couple of weeks ago? Well we are planning for another overnight next weekend so she and I have been preparing Almi. Not that she needs it cause she had a grand old time. Ms. E keeps asking her, "You want to go to Ms. E's house?" to remind her how she went before. Well, the other day when I was dropping her off Ms. E said to me with a chuckle, "I asked Naomi, 'You want to go home with Mommy or Ms. E?' and I couldn't believe it she said Ms. E!" Ouch, I thought but I kind of laughed along with her and said something like, "Good, let me know when!" Later on that day it started to bother me. Chalk it up to the insecurities you get with having an adopted child. Gosh, is she happier hanging out with Ethiopian people instead of home with me? Am I not a fun enough Mommy? Am I too hard on her? Are we not doing enough fun things? Is she having attachment issues? Or the dreaded thought that you can't keep from thinking, Does she not love me? Those flippant comments can really eat you up!!

But then I started thinking about it more. Of course she wants to go back! Ms. E and her extended family gave her all the milk and crackers and juice that she wanted. Ms. E's niece was there and the two of played and played and played some more. She didn't go to bed until 11:30! Ms. E wasn't laundry, washing dishes, making Almi wait around for dinner to be prepared, etc. She was just one of many adults around and Almi had a playmate so she was constantly entertained. (Oh, and I forgot this tidbit which stung at the time: When I picked her up after that overnight, Ms. E said, "When she woke up in the morning she did not ask for you, not one time. And when I asked her if she wanted to call you she said, 'No!' I couldn't believe that little girl.)

When she made the same comment as above the other day I was totally fine with it and I fully meant when I said, "Great! Let's plan another overnight visit!!" I'm happy that Almi is happy there. Ms. E treats her like family and we are very blessed to have her for a teacher.

Meanwhile, though, this other comment she said didn't roll off my back so quickly. I have been having difficulty with Almi's behavior. I haven't blogged about it too much because I am not sure if it is typical two year old behavior or is it just her personality. I also wonder if it's a result of my parenting or does it stem from her diet, vaccinations or antibiotics. But suffice it to say that she can be difficult with a capital D. It pretty much started this summer when she turned two. Before that she was the sweetest, most compliant baby. She was so happy all the time so I initially chalked up the radical change to her being in the terrible twos. But, again, when you are an adoptive parent so many other things creep into your mind. Are these behaviors due to attachment issues? Is she grieving? And then add to that my growing knowledge of nutrition and wellness, well I don't know if her acting out is related to other outside factors. Man, did I cause this? Should I have said no to antibiotics for her ear infections? Should I have held my ground and not vaccinated her? Am I feeding her the wrong things? Parenting is the most guilt inducing and producing profession, I am sure of that!!!

So, I picked her up the other day and Ms. E says, "I don't know what's going on with your child." Ugh. No parent wants to hear those words. "She comes in and won't say hi or smile to nobody. Everybody say, 'Good morning Naomi' and she won't say hello and looks so angry." Well, she's right about that and it bothers me to no end! I know she's only two but it is impolite. But it's also not something that children often do. I know some kids come in to class in a bad mood for whatever reason and take a while to warm up, but Almi will be fine in the car going over there but as soon as she walks in the door she gets grouchy and won't speak. It drives me crazy! And she knows it drives us crazy so she continues to do it.

But the comment really hurt me because I take it personally, like I am not raising a happy child or I am raising an impolite child.

And then she went on. "And she won't listen. All day long she tell us no. (preaching to the choir, sister) When she gets up from her nap we tell her to go potty and she says no and cries and cries. When we tell her to clean up she cries." She gave another example or two and then gave me with a confused and frustrated look.

I didn't know what to tell her because she can be that way at home as well. When she gets up in the morning she refuses to go potty. She can wake up dry and it's still a battle sometimes to get her to go to the bathroom before we go to school. Same with getting dressed. She is just oppositional for no apparent reason. This morning she was in time out because she was screaming and fighting me to not take off her pajamas. I am getting better at reasoning with her now that she has more language. I can tell her as she's fighting me about putting on her coat at day care pick up that she won't get any books at bedtime if she continues and she will acquiesce. And I have just started to be able to use a two minute warning so she knows what's to come. Like "Almi, two more minutes of Elmo and then Mommy's going to turn off the TV" and that is helping.

But the daily battles to get dressed, go potty, not run down the street when getting in and out of the car, hold my hand in a parking lot, eat certain foods, let me brush her teeth, etc. are frustrating. Luckily there are certain things she rarely fights me on. Those include putting on the clothes I choose, taking a bath, and going to sleep once I shut the door and walk away. So I can't complain too much.

But when the teacher attributes it to something being wrong with my child, well I can't lie. That cuts to the bone.