Going Home

I finallly got the time to drive home to Pittsburgh to see my parents. This was the first time they met Naomi Almaz and they were over the moon as you can imagine. She also got to meet my aunt and uncle and see my sister again. Here are some pictures from the weekend. Can I just say now wonderful it was to take my daughter home to meet my family? Very, very special indeed.

Giving a shy wave at the first glimpse of the family.

Looking at the doll my mom bought her.

Hanging out with Aunt B and Aunt Sue.

Getting a hug from Grandpa.

Playing (and reading the New York Times:))

Special time with Grandma.

Getting a kiss from Uncle Otey.
Clapping.

Enjoying dinner with the family.

They lavished attention on her and she loved every minute of it! I wished we lived closer together so we could see each other more often! Love you all!!

** By the way, two people commented that "Emmay" means momma in Amaharic! I didn't know that! I love blogging.. I get so much information and guidance. Thank you!

Random Cuteness

First bow! She looks Russian to me with it on!


So fun to hang out with this cute little muffin in the mornings!


Second trip to the pediatrician (and second time wearing a bow). She gained .5 pound and her ear infection cleared up. She tested negative for nut allergies! Yay! Though she said to still keep her away from nuts and seafood until age three.


She seems to favor her right hand for writing.

Naomisms

First of all, thanks for the input regarding the doctor's note. I called to ask how it works and they said they have to review my medical issue but they won't reconvene until April 13th to do that. I am due back to work on the 6th. I guess I'll have to extend my FMLA until they look at my case but I'm not sure for how long I'll have to do that for and I wasn't told how long it would take for them to make a decision. I better figure it out soon cause everyone is expecting me back to work next week. What a pain.

Something more fun to read about are the cute things my girl is doing!
Here are some of the latest:

1. I don't get called momma. Instead I get "GeeGee" or "Emmay". I don't know where those came from. I keep telling her, "No, I'm Momma" but it hasn't stuck. I don't mind, though. It's cute and unique and won't last forever. The other morning she woke up and in turn woke me up. I was exhausted and couldn't move so I just lay there and listened to her babble and entertain herself. This went on for about 20 minutes which is pretty impressive since she only had two toys in her crib. She spent a lot of time talking about who knows what and rattling the side of the crib and making funny noises with her mouth and playing with her hands and feet. Finally after 20 minutes she said "Momma!" so even in my sleep-deprived, delirious state I jumped up with a big smile and said, "Yes, I'm Momma!" and swooped her up into my arms and gave her a big kiss.

2. She is sooo freakin' cute when she sleeps and when she just wakes up. She babbles on and on and on and we carry on complete conversations. I try to get it on video but when she sees the camera she stops talking.

3. She fell asleep alone for the first time on March 25th! I must document it for her baby book. Her crib didn't have any sheets on it because it had to be stripped in the morning and I didn't get around to doing the laundry so I put her to sleep in my bed. She hopped right out and walked down the hall looking for me. This continued about 15 times but just like SuperNanny teaches, I just put her right back in. She finally gave up and went to sleep. It worked like a charm and gave me several hours to get things done! And I was especially pleased because she barely cried during the process. I think she liked listening to the lullablies I downloaded from iTunes and couldn't hear them when she cried. Look at this cute position!!4. She can now sign 'banana' and 'all done'. It is so cute! At breakfast when I asked her if she wanted some banana, she signed it! Then she broke out into giggles because she loves her some banana! When I try to give her more of something (like broccoli) or do something she's tired of (like tickling her feet) she will sign all done. I love knowing she is understanding me even though she can't yet say the words!

5. She will say "bye-bye" and wave when someone leaves. She also repeats "wow" and "uh oh."

6. She loves cats! Dogs? Not so much. I can't wait to take her to the zoo!

My Trip - Part 2

I woke up early on the 27th of February. This was the day-- the day I was to meet my daughter for the first time. I had arranged this meeting because the way my agency had it set up, I was to fly in on Sunday and meet her on Monday--and they would leave her with me at that time. To me that seemed so abrupt and too traumatizing, particularly since she had never seen me before. I hadn't created an album for her to mail before court because I was too superstitious. What if I didn't pass? What would they tell her then? Seemed to me that waiting until after I was officially her mother made more sense. So I created an album after court but then the blizzard hit so I couldn't get it mailed out. All this meant that she had never seen me before. I asked them if I could meet her prior to the hand off and present the album to her then and that way at least she would have a few days to look at my photo and the nannies could talk to her about me so it wouldn't be all strange and brand new on March 1st. They agreed so off we went.

The orphanage was located outside the main part of the city in a single family home. A very plain, very basic house -but clean. There were only about 10 children there that day. I don't know if there are usually more but I believe they are only moved to this facility after they have been matched with a family, so it's more of a holding place or a care center. We drove through a part of town that seems to be completely under construction. Nearly every building was in some stage of being built. If it's like Senegal, there are no housing mortgages so people are forced to pay for building their homes as money becomes available so it can take years. Seeing half finished houses all over the city was common there and is in Ethiopia as well. We parked out front. I was trying to take it all in but the intensity of the day left me wondering some things... I left that day asking my cousin what color it was. 'Was it really pink?' Yes, indeed it was.I already wrote about our first meeting here so I won't go into any more detail in this post but I will say I left feeling much more excited about becoming a mom than I had in a long time. For months people had been asking me if I was excited about adopting and I had been telling them I was about 1/10 excited and 9/10 freaked out and stressed. That was so true. For me it was hard to get excited when I knew I wasn't getting paid leave, her room wasn't ready, I was already exhausted, I don't have family around, I feel like I need a higher paying job, etc, etc, etc. I wished I could have been that type of mom-to-be who had the nursery ready for months with all the clothes hanging neatly in the closet by size and all the details in order, but that was not my reality. However, with all the paperwork, money spent, traveling and finally meeting her (and believing she was healthy) behind me, I was able to focus on her and it really helped my excitement level to increase. All these years, all this waiting, all the unknowns.. all of that seemed a distant memory when I left the orphanage that day. I could finally, FINALLY focus on her--on us-- on becoming a mom. Someone asked me later that day when I was going to take custody of her and I informed her it wouldn't be for another three days. She was horrified but I was fine with it. I was finally feeling more excitement than stress but still needed a few more days to get fully prepared mentally for this life change.

When we left the orphanage we asked our driver to take us to Entoto Mountain. I didn't get a chance to see it when I was in Addis before and was glad we could this time since it wasn't too far away. It was a long, long drive up to the top with a beautiful view of the city. At the top of the mountain is Entoto Maryam Church where Emperor Menelik was crowned in 1882, and a memorial museum which housed clothing and other religious relics of the period.We did a guided tour of the museum but unfortunately the church was closed. Two monks outside the church.This was a scene we saw over and over again: women hunched over with enormous bundles of sticks on their backs. The hike up and down that mountain must be 5 miles and to think that that's their livelihood (chopping down wood, walking miles down to sell it and then walking back--day in day out) well, it was very depressing. Such difficult, exhausting, back-breaking work. Along the way you could also see their homes--wooden huts with mud floors, no electricity or running water of course, sparsely furnished.. no belongings, just family. The poverty and life's inequities were just so in-your-face...it was very difficult. One highlight, we did encounter some children on the drive down and I was able to give them all granola bars and toys from the donations. They were ecstatic! That helped to off set all the heaviness of the day.

The next day, after being awaken far too early by my cousin who was having major sleep difficulties but I love him and was thrilled he was with me so I didn't complain too loudly or too often, ok maybe I did a few times but he loves me and knows I complain a lot... um, oh yeah, the next day we had breakfast (eggs and crepes for the third time) and planned to do a little more sightseeing since our child-free time was dwindling. After breakfast I ran upstairs to get one of my 8G memory cards I purchased for the trip and discovered them missing. I was so upset. I was having major camera/media issues! You see, I had already decided to save money and not buy a video camera and then I foolishly left my terrific Nikon at home (dumb, dumb, dumb). In addition I somehow only packed my bum camera. If you recall from this post it fell and was being very temperamental. I have another Cybershot but I left it at home, too. This is my self -portrait after I discovered I only had the bum camera to work with on the trip. For some reason I felt I needed to record the moment of complete anger and devastation. Ha! Turns out I found the memory cards when I got home but who knows where the receipt is? I would like to return one and get my money back. One day I will get organized..but I digress.

Ok, so after we purchased a very overpriced memory card we hired the driver to take us out to Debre Zeyit, about 45 minutes from Addis. I wanted to see some greenery and there area crater-lakes there. It was a pleasant drive on a nice, paved road although most of the week was rainy and chilly and this day was no exception. It was nice to see the lake with its surrounding campgrounds. They offer canoe rides but we didn't have the interest (too chilly!) or the time and besides our driver was being paid by the hour. Plus we saw this sign: We only stayed about 20 minutes. On the way home we drove through the town of Dukem. This was cool to me since there is a Dukem restaurant on U St. that I have been to and now I can say I have been to the real Dukem! Here are some pictures from the ride home: That night we had dinner in a little cafe in a shopping mall. A modern mall made of steel and glass with assorted shops and full well-dressed people. Addis is so full of contrasts! The food was terrible but you don't send stuff back in Ethiopia. Well, you can send it back but you still have to pay for it so I ate it. My stomach hurt when I got home so I popped a Cipro and crashed. I knew the big day was tomorrow -- "Gotcha Day" as they like to say in the adoption community. (I don't like that term. I was going to call it "Family Day" but if I have another child will there then be two Family Days? Maybe. Or maybe it will just be Naomi Winter Almaz Day but that's kind of long). I was finally ready for the meeting of my daughter but I was still a bundle of nerves. What if she cried hysterically? What if I didn't feel an instant connection? I hadn't felt an instant connection on our earlier meeting so I was wondering if I would this time or if not how long that would take. Had I done the wrong thing and completed this adoption? Would I love her? Would she love me? Do bio parents think these things? Was I really ready? A million thoughts were swirling through my head. I was tired. The stress was overwhelming. I had a fitful night of sleep.

What Would You Do?

Before I left for Addis I was very stressed about some things going on in my life. I have mentioned some of those on this blog but there were other reasons, too. Let's just say I had enough for me to request a full on stress test and EKG before I got on the plane. My regular doctor is actually a cardiologist so he ordered up all the tests. For the most part they came back normal-- except for one area which I can't articulate with any knowledge so I won't even try. Basically, what was important was he cleared me for travel and told me not to worry. So I didn't.

These past three weeks my stress level has increased considerably. I am happier and I laugh more than I have in a long, long time and have my little pumpkin to thank for that. I am also more active--not nearly to the level that I should be, but it's a start. The reality is though that all the things that were stressing me out before are still there --plus the added stress of parenting--but now I have less time and energy to devote to solving them. I also don't have time to think about what's not getting done so I don't seem to be upset about it on a daily basis like I was before but apparently my body knows. I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for today mainly because he wanted to meet my daughter. I went not expecting to have anything done but they did the normal basic things like height, weight, drew blood for some tests and took my blood pressure. Two surprising things were discovered:

1. I have lost eight pounds and
2. My blood pressure has gone up TWENTY points

I knew I lost weight in Addis but I have lost even more since being home. But the blood pressure?! Scary stuff! The nurse did it once and then he repeated it twice. On his last try it only showed a spike of ten points but I am going with twenty (though even ten points in a month would be huge). To put it mildly, I am horrified. Hypertension is common in my family but my blood pressure has always been low. We even spoke of this in my last appointment. He said I should expect it to increase in the next decade since most people in my family have it. I wasn't expecting it to be high one month later. I basically went from having low blood pressure to having high blood pressure in a month! High. Not something to watch because it's approaching a high number, but it is already high.

All three of us were shocked. The nurse muttered something about it under her breath but said the doctor would repeat it. He repeated it and was shocked. He suggested I make an appointment in two weeks to see if it's still high. I am supposed to be going back to work in two weeks. In fact, the day they tried to give me an appointment was supposed to be my first day back (and my baby shower). I told them I couldn't make it on that day. But now I am having enormous second thoughts. Of course Google doesn't help, but it is very scary to read symptoms you have online. Clearly I need to take immediate action. I am going to call them tomorrow and see if I can still get that April 6th appointment. I am also going to start exercising immediately.Right before the appointment I picked up the part needed to add to my recalled McClaren stroller to make it safe. I am going to install it tomorrow and start taking long walks each day. And, damn, I guess I need to give up all that delicious coffee I bought in Addis.

This is interesting: he also said he could write a note to my job saying he needed to monitor me over the next six+ weeks and that I should not return to work during that time. When I rejected the April 6th appointment I suppose in my head I was planning on returning to work on time but as I type this post I am thinking maybe I need to stay home. My little girl needs me to be in top physical condition. I'm all she has so my health needs to be my #1 priority. I guess I wasn't sure if staying home would help to reduce my stress but at least I won't be worrying about her. Truthfully, I think she will love day care. She seems so happy when around other kids but I worry a lot about our attachment. She is becoming more attached but it's not where I would like it to be and I wonder how not seeing me for ten hours a day will affect it? That gives me a lot of stress and daily worry. If I stayed home, that one worry would be eliminated. I could also be sure to exercise daily (once she is attached I can resume going to the gym and drop her in the gym daycare). I'm so conflicted about what to do. One possible plus is I might be able to get paid since I would now be staying home for medical reasons. But perhaps going back to work will make things more normal again? If you were me would you take the note and stay home?

So Many Firsts!

First time seeing my house!First time at a playground (where she got mistaken for a boy.. yeah I'm so not into gender stereotyping.. the less pink, the better! ..tho for the record, she did have pink shoelaces.. )First time sleeping in the crib! (the doctor told me to give her a pillow to elevate her head to help with the pain of her ear infection... i take it away when she falls asleep since the pain doesn't wake her up)First time eating in the highchair.First time in the yard!
First time on a swing!

Kisses!

Excuse the horrible quality of the video but when she started doing this, I had to get it on video... and I was driving!

Mommy Successes!

Ok, to balance out that other post (and because I was admonished for using the phrase)..

Here we go...

1. I have begun to distinguish her cries - well at least these two: the one that means she's tired and the one which means she's frustrated.

2. I can't take credit for this because I read it somewhere, but I designated one of the cabinets in the kitchen to be hers (i.e. with no baby proofing) and she loves it! Every day she looks inside and pulls out the containers. She has even started using it to store her toys. Too cute-- and it entertains her while I do the dishes.3. I have learned how to get her to eat foods she thinks she doesn't like or want. I can either eat it myself in front of her and show her how tasty it is or I can mix it in with something she does like.

4. I made some homemade baby food and she loved it! I pureed some left over steamed broccoli, red onion, cauliflower, zucchini, squash and carrots. She loved every bite. I notice that she prefers fruit and veggies (and carbs of course-who doesn't?) to meat. Maybe I have a budding vegetarian on my hands. Fine with me!

5. She is learning how to share!6. She'll let me brush her teeth. She had never brushed her teeth before I met her and let me tell you, her breath told the story. heehee. Something had to be done. Fast. So, I demonstrated how to do it with my toothbrush the first few nights and now she will let me brush hers! First she just tried to suck on the toothbrush but now she will really let me brush the teeth and even her tongue. My nose is thankful. :)

7. And best of all, I can make her laugh with silly faces or noises.That's all I can think of right now but I am happy with that list. It's a great start, don'tcha think?! Oh, and add to that she has called me momma several more times and given me my first kiss! :-D

Maybe I'm Just Premenstrual

I sent out adoption announcements this week. There were three photos of my daughter and me in Ethiopia and one of her at home. To the photos I added her full name and the words "Home Forever, March 2010". I love how they turned out. The first call I got about it was from my old friend, M. She left a message about how sweet it was, almost made her cry, she's so happy for me that this finally happened, etc. etc. So far, so good. Well we talked later on today. She reiterated about how cute Naomi is and how happy she was for me and then the conversation turned towards her family and her desire to have a daughter. I asked how that was going and she said her husband wanted her to consider adoption. Cool, I thought. Until she said, "...but I'm not into adoption. Why would I adopt when I can have one of my own?" She then went on to say something about nearing 40 and the risks of having a child biologically going up so she thinks this is it for her family. Hmmm, ok, so your husband is interested in adoption but you are so against it that you feel your family is done.

I was too stunned to respond appropriately. I'm sharing the most important thing that has ever happened to me and you tell me you're not "into it". That's fine, you don't have to be "into it"-- not everyone is-- but wow. That stung. Can the ink dry on my adoption announcement before you tell me how you really feel? What should I have said? Or better yet, what should I say now-- if anything? It is still bothering me. But maybe I'm just premenstrual...

My Trip - Part 1

Being back in Ethiopia was great. I missed it! I find people either love it or they hate it... there doesn't seem to be any in between. I'm someone who likes being there and I am glad I had been before because it was familiar and I knew what to do this time to stay healthy. I had three suitcases and a very packed carry-on. One of the large suitcases was all donations (clothes, toys and granola bars.. thanks to everyone who donated!) and the other large one was mostly her things. I completely overpacked for Almaz (too many outfits, too many diapers, too many toys) and completely underpacked for myself (only two pairs of pants and only one bra!) but I managed.

The days leading up to my trip were very, very stressful and by the time I left I was glad to have the hours on the plane to do nothing but decompress and relax. I brought a brand new journal to record my journey to my daughter and I started it on the plane. I also did some last minute paperwork for the American Embassy. I know, can you believe I hadn't filled out all the forms?
I didn't have time! I was soooo overwhelmed with the details. This single parenting thing is no joke!

I picked the perfect travel partner! My cousin Charles was enthusiastic about his first trip to Africa, easy-going, flexible, calming, fun, helpful.. I seriously could go on and on. He lifted me up when I was down, calmed me when I was stressed out, made me laugh, offered encouragement and support. He got along extremely well with our travel group, too--way better than I could muster as I was in a constant state of stress and shock over being a new parent--and was fantastic with Naomi Winter Almaz. Here he is totally psyched for the adventure:I did find some time to sleep on the plane which was nice and necessary. We were sitting in the exit row and had tons of leg room. Chucky snapped this photo of me sleeping. I wonder what I was dreaming about?!We sailed through the Visa line, exchanged money and were met at the airport by someone from the hotel. Easy-peasy. Our guesthouse for the first three nights was different from the one where all the IAG families were staying, in an effort to save some money. It ended up not being much cheaper but I wanted to stay there because I wanted to surprise Haze! Haze and I have been following eachother's blogs for awhile. We have so much in common and as luck would have it we were in Ethiopia at the same time! It was incredible! At breakfast the next morning I saw her from the back and called her name. She turned around and screamed my name out and we hugged. It was a great moment! She visited me at my second guesthouse later in the week to meet Almaz. Here we are with our long awaited babies!Later on that afternoon we went to visit the orphanage where I volunteered two years ago. I was looking forward to seeing my friend Ivy, an American woman who runs the compound there. It took me a minute to try to remember how to get there because a new road had been built since I was last there, but we found the place. I walked up to a row of women sitting and talking on the wall outside the orphanage. I recognized Ivy from the back and did my second surprise of the morning. That was fun! While Ivy and I were hugging and catching up, some of the women on the wall were whispering to eachother. I hadn't noticed, but Ivy did and asked what was up. Turns out they were all shocked to see me walking up because they recognized me from my blog! How funny is that?! I felt famous! Like Angelina Jolie or something. Several of them commented on how touching this post was and how they had forwarded it on for others to read. I was surprised they knew who I was but they said I was very recognizable. What are the odds that I would be recognized walking down the street in Addis Ababa?!?!? I still can't get over that!Ivy gave Chucky a tour of the orphanage. AAI's orphanage, Layla House, is an incredible facility and very well run by Ivy. My cousin was overwhelmed by all the children. "So many children," he kept saying this over and over. It is really overwhelming. I support adoption and feel good about my part, but it's depressing to acknowledge that placing one's child for adoption is a solution for a struggling family. When did this become acceptable? For me, somewhere in this long three year process, adding a child to my family became less about wanting to be a mother and more about wanting to provide a better life for an African orphan. I don't know when I experienced that shift exactly but it's probably what made this all so much more stressful. It was no longer about me and what I wanted but about her and what she needs. Taking her away from her country and culture and everything familiar to become an American citizen has it's pluses and minuses. It became stressful for me when I realized how heavy it all is but all that is not for this post! So back to the day... We toured Layla House and Wanna House. I checked on the Clifford I painted. Looking good!Later, we hung out at Ivy's house and spent time with her freakin' adorable Ethiopian son, Alazar, and then went to the Black Rose. Ivy gave me some GREAT advice about single parenting. She quelled so many of my fears. Thank you, Ivy!
Single parenting rocks!
(Ok, not really...just trying to pump myself up. lol)