Unrelated #5-I Hate Bugs

I met Tami for dinner last night. Just trying to have a low-key evening. Is that too much to ask? Apparently. As I was unlocking my front door a huge bug flew right at me. DC humidity had caused my hair to frizz & get all crazy and the bug got tangled up in there! I ran to the bathroom to frantically try to comb it--succeeding in only breaking off a leg at first.
I was completely freaking out!! (Where is my husband in times like this?!?!)
It's out now but the trauma lingers...

Unrelated #4-Love Thursday

Many of you know about my new blog addiction. It is fueled by this 6-week block of uninterrupted free time also called summer vacation. I have learned about Love Thursday by reading other blogs but wasn't really sure what it was about. I googled and researched and what I have come up with is you take time on Thursdays to post about something or someone you love. It can be a photo or a poem or anecdote or anything that you love, whatever that may be. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it appears it was started in Karen Walrond's blog about her life with her husband and daughter. I love, love, love the idea!!

So, my first Love Thursday post is about my dad. He and I share a love of photography and I get on him because he has a digital camera and takes loads of photos but never emails them to anyone. I suspect he prints them all out and then deletes them from his camera. So the other day my parents were here for about 6 hours on a layover on their way back from London. My dad was sitting on the front porch so I grabbed my camera and took a photo of him. Here it is.

As I was taking the picture this is (part of) the conversation we had.


Me: (a little exasperated because we've had this conversation before and he's very technologically savvy and still doesn't do this) "Dad, I just learned how to upload photos on my computer. You really should learn how to do it so you can email the photos you take to everyone."
Dad: "Hmmm. How is that done?"
Me: "Well, all I had to do was plug in the UBS thingy into my camera and press import."
Dad: "Do what?"
Me: (getting a little irritated because it was a simple explanation) "... Just plug in the UBS thingy into my camera and then take the cord and plug it into the computer."
Dad: "The USB cable?"
Me: "...Um, yeah, that."




Oops. Maybe I should just be quiet.


Love you dad!

Unrelated#3-It's a Jungle Out There

I do not have a green thumb. That has been made quite clear to me this summer when I decided I should do something with my yard. My parents, who are quite adept at planting, pruning, growing, clipping, mowing and creating a beautiful, peaceful landscape apparently did not pass that talent on to me. To their credit, they tried to give me a leg up. A couple of months ago when they were here they planted grass seed and impatiens and ground cover and gave me strict instructions to water it every day. Believe me, I tried. The intent was there anyway. And most days I did. But I learned that 'most days' doesn't cut it in DC. My front yard doesn't really look that much worst than any of my neighbors (well, maybe a little bit worse) but that's not really any consolation.

This first picture shows large patches of dead grass. Notice the sprinkler is on! (Doesn't help).

The next picture is the ground in front of the hedge. Now the hedge itself is an embarrassment because it has a huge, gaping hole in the front of it. It looked fine when I bought the house but this past winter there was an enormous block of ice on the top of it which eventually slid off breaking many branches with it. In an attempt to distract people from staring at it, I planted some impatiens in the front of it. They never grew so that didn't help. The mint though, to the right of the ADT sign, looks pretty good.

This third picture is the rose bush my parents sent me for my birthday. It looks pretty good as well although the roses it arrived with dried up and died. Hopefully more will appear next summer.

I think I have learned my watering lesson, though. I try to get out there every day and salvage what's left. I bought some beautifully vibrant petunias and planted them, in new soil and everything! They were so beautiful. I bought 4 plants, two bright pink and two deep purple. One of each has died. Below you can see the only one that is thriving. Quite pretty! Too bad the others didn't make it.

Maybe I should do a Japanese rock garden instead because this is sad.

And that's just the front yard! Come around back to the Amazon jungle...

Completely overgrown, run over with waist-high weeds & more dead grass. Not pretty. Not pretty at all. Not even a little bit. :-/

Unrelated #2 -Busy Weekend!

Wow, this weekend was so busy! On Friday I met an old friend for lunch. I hadn't seen him in 2 years when I ran into him at happy hour a couple of weeks ago. Before that it had been at least 5 years. So, it was great to see him and catch up. We had lunch at Busboys and Poets. Later on another friend of mine had an impromptu bbq at his house. We cooked cornish game hens, turkey burgers and hot dogs on the grill and he whipped up some rice&beans and greens. One of my old teaching pals from my first school showed up and it was great to see her! She had lost 50 pounds since the last time I saw her and she looked great! We had a lot of fun talking and listening to old music.

On Saturday I attempted to get some more done around the house and started a scrapbook of the kids I taught this past year. They are just so darn cute so it's going to be fun to put together. I also finished reading a book I was working on and did some yard work. Later on in the evening a friend stopped by to put together my edge trimmer that my dad bought for me when he was in town right after my surgery. I figured I could use it to mow my whole lawn but I was told that is impossible - that I need to break down and buy an actual lawnmower. I am still under the impression I can get it done with what I have although my backyard looks like the Amazon from months of neglect so I may be wrong! After getting attacked by 1,000 mosquitoes, we gave up and got some dinner.

On Sunday I went to a 7:45am church service at Metropolitan. I have heard some excellent sermons at this church and the music is always amazing. I went here this week since I had an 11:30am SMC meeting. I had forgotten how long Baptist churches can get! Phew! When you are raised in the Episcopal church you get used to 15 minute sermons and being in and out of church in 1 hour! Reminds me of a quote I once read from Martin Luther...

Some plague the people with too long sermons; for the faculty of listening is a tender thing, and soon becomes weary and satiated.

But I would be remiss if I didn't admit that I didn't even stay for the sermon. :-/ (I know, I know... I have some nerve posting about long sermons!) Well, truth be told, the church was absolutely freezing and after an hour and a half my toes started to get numb and the sermon hadn't even started yet! And at least I heard lovely music, took communion and left my offering. I was disappointed that I didn't suck it up (I was really uncomfortable-- I'm a total wimp when it comes to being cold) because it was Beecher Hickshimself preaching. I'm sure I missed a great sermon but I can always order it online for $7.00! After church, I picked up some bagels and coffee and headed home to read the paper. I ran into my neighbor who lives a few houses down. We met once before. She's around my age, single and childless. We talked about the annoyances of home ownership and bemoaned the fact that no matter how much we water our grass and flowers, most of them are dying. She said she goes to tons of embassy and gallery events around DC and asked me for my email so she can forward me the invites. I'm so looking forward to getting those! At 11:30 I went to my SMC meeting. That group is so supportive. I wasn't going to post anymore on this future baby because I am trying to give myself a break, but in short I just want to say how much I appreciate being around other women in my same situation. Being in a room with highly educated, attractive 30 & 40-something women who are all trying to navigate this parenting dilemma is comforting. I get the impression that the majority if them would prefer to be married and having a family with their husbands (except the lesbians in the group!) but it just hasn't worked out the way we had all dreamed and planned. I get asked all the time, 'How come you've never been married? What's wrong with you?' (as recently as this weekend) and although I respond with 'I just have to trust God's timing with when he will send me a mate' it still is a difficult question to hear. But once a month I am able to feel completely comfortable and open about my concerns and thoughts about becoming a single mom with several other women in my same predicament.

But I digress....

Where was I?!!? Oh yeah, my busy weekend. So after the (emotionally draining but eminently useful) meeting I went home and took a nap. Later that night I went out on a first date to a Japanese restaurant. He seems like a nice guy--a friend of a friend. The weird thing is, and this has been an internet thread lately, but how does one date while going through an adoption or the significantly more private and sensitive process of artificial insemination?! ...Yeah, that's definitely a topic for another post! LOL

Unrelated post #1--Fixing Up My House

This is what my house looked like before --in the fall and winter. I liked the colors. The rust with the pale yellow looked pretty nice last fall but when spring came it didn't seem bright and cheerful enough. I am huge fan of natural light so having that one window blocked with the A/C unit annoyed me. Not to mention that it was just so unattractive! It had to go. And if it was going, central air had to come. It is too darn hot in this city in the summer to not have air conditioning. So, I had it installed. Installing air conditioning in an 80 year old house is no small feat, as my contractors reminded me constantly. They had to drill through drywall and cut holes in the hardwood floors. I had NO idea what kind of mess that was going to create. And, truthfully, I was pretty worried they didn't know what they were doing.



It stayed like that with holes and layers of dust while I recovered from my surgery. But finally the painters came and covered up my rust with more of the same pale yellow. I even got up the nerve to ask them to paint the woodwork white. I wasn't sure how it would turn out, but I love it! It looks so much brighter now and I am happy (and much cooler!) :-)

I need a break

from all this motherhood stuff. I am going to focus on getting my house organized and my home business set up and maybe squeeze in a quick trip to Martha's Vineyard before going back to work. At that time I will be able to move full steam ahead on starting my family. It has become too consuming and my brain is getting cramped. So, the next several posts will be completely random so I can relax.

My little ol' house

This is my house. It's 80 years old this year and at times it shows it's age (no offense to my octogenarian relatives!) :-) Since I moved in last year I have had to put on a new roof, sand and refinish the floors, paint and add central air. OK, I actually didn't do any of that myself, except a bit of painting. It's coming along slowly. Had I known it was going to be so much work, I probably would have bought another condo instead, but I bought it with my future baby in mind. It's not bad really now that I am getting used to all the things it needs and now that some rooms are getting finished. Clearly it's a process, a lo-o-o-o-ng process that I hadn't counted on but it is nice to have a decent-sized space to call my own (and it cost less than my condo in LA that I bought four years before!) If you're in the area, stop by and see the new paint downstairs! :-)

Please Sign My Guest Book

I am so blog-addicted!! I admit it. Every day I check into some of my favorite blogs to see what's going on with different families. And I know people are reading mine, but I don't know who! This whole internet thing is pretty bizarre sometimes. So, if you don't mind, please take a moment and make a comment on this page. Of course, I still appreciate comments on any other posting but if you could also sign this one I can see who is actually reading my blog. It should only take you one minute! Thanks! :-)

1,000 interesting facts about me

In honor of getting more than 1,000 hits (though only 16 comments-hint, hint) I thought it I would post 1,000 interesting facts things about me. Where do I begin? My life is so incredibly fascinating. I speak dozens of languages and publish journal articles and was valedictorian of my college class... NOT!!! I'm not even sure I can think of 10 interesting facts about me, but I'll give it a go. Try to stay awake...

1. I did my junior year of high school in Jos, Nigeria. My dad was on sabbatical and took the whole family with him. I loved attending an international school.

2. Grace Jones offered me some champagne once at a Michael Jackson concert. I said to her, "I don't think we can drink here" and of course she laughed at me as she popped the cork!

3. I got straight A's in grad school except for the class where I met my (ex) boyfriend.

4. I waitressed in Paris one summer after college at Randy and Jay's American Barbecue. I would take the metro home after work and was taunted by some French teenagers once on the metro (in the car alone with them at 1 in the morning!) I cursed them out in English and they left me alone. (thank God)

5. I met a match.com guy once in front of a restaurant on the Champs Elysees (different summer!) It sounds romantic, but unfortunately it wasn't a match.

6. I have been offered jobs in Togo, Shanghai, Sao Paulo and London but foolishly turned them all down. Maybe I'll get another offer when my kid is school-aged.

7. I am a scrapbooking consultant for Close to My Heart.
Wanna order something? ;-)

8. Jamie Foxx sat me down at the piano in his basement studio a couple of years ago and sang to me. I should have kissed him! (that would have made for a much better anecdote)

9. My middle name means joy/happiness in Tagalog.

10. I have completed two marathons--The Mayor's Midnight Sun Marathon in Anchorage and The Rock 'n Roll Marathon in San Diego. My best time was 6:45:52 in Anchorage. Not bad considering there was a heatwave in Alaska that summer and I walked the whole thing! (and beat a bunch of runners!!!)

That was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be!!
Note to self: do some more interesting things with your life.

Michael Moore/Sicko

OK, has anyone seen Sicko, the new Michael Moore film about insured and underinsured Americans and our health care system? He compares our privatized health care system to the systems in place in England, France, Canada, even Cuba and ours comes out far behind in most issues (wait time, cost, etc.)

In one part of the movie he meets with a group of Americans living in France. And I thought I was mad before! Not only do they not pay for health care but they are guaranteed 5 weeks vacation time or more, they have far better maternity benefits, extremely inexpensive day care (amounting to about $1/hour), government-paid nannies to help out a few hours a week (do laundry, cook, etc.), doctors who make house calls at all hours of the day and night and free higher education! Clearly being a single parent there would be a lot less exhausting. Living here I will be on call as a parent 24/7/365 and have to work full-time and run a household, not to mention trying to fit in some dating! When I was in Senegal a couple of months ago I hung out with some parents who said they can't imagine living in the US anymore because in Senegal they can afford a cook, housekeeper and a live-in nanny and are therefore able to have a lot of quality time with their children. I definitely left the movie with thoughts of living abroad etched even more deeply into my mind...

Maternity Leave

So, I got a copy of the employee handbook from my job and I will look at the benefits this weekend for adoptive parents. But our benefits person told me she's pretty sure maternity leave starts when the adoption is finalized. I told her the adoption would be finalized before I even left the country! What sense would that make for the time to start ticking while my baby is in one country and I'm in another?! Then I met informally with the heads of school to discuss day care and the Tuesday/Thursday class. She said that the T/Th class is full but that my child could just stay in daycare all day. Turns out that even at beyond two years of age, kids only go to school in the mornings and do daycare in the afternoons (kids of teachers). It's a mixed age group from infants to over 2. They said it would be fine to leave my child in daycare all day-all next year. That would be a lot cheaper as well. So everything was going fine until we started talking about the 6 weeks and how I hoped that my referral came around a vacation. At that point I got an earful about how employers really try to accommodate new parents by giving them 6 weeks and how dare I try to plan for more and take advantage of the system, blah, blah, blah. I have to say I am extremely impressed with myself for biting my tongue! (I'm maturing!) I am completely baffled and disgusted that American women only get six weeks to begin with and as a mother of four you would think she of all people would understand me hoping to get an additional (measly) two weeks with Spring Break. Uh, how about in the UK they get TWENTY-SIX weeks of 'Ordinary Maternity Leave' and 26 weeks 'Additional Maternity Leave' - making one year in total?!? In fact, the US lags behind most of the world in the paltry amount of leave mothers are given. It really shows how undervalued motherhood and family are in this country. Check out this article. I am annoyed. Extremely annoyed.

How would you have responded if berated for this?

Phone Orientation

Well, I just got off the phone with Gladney! I read the 53 pages of information and still came up with a list of about 30 questions. We were on the phone for close to an hour and let me tell you, I feel well-informed! LOL But seriously, adoption is not for the faint of heart. I say that just looking at all the forms and documents required and I haven't even started the process yet!! I was told that my paperwork for Gladney, home study, paperwork for immigration and the foreign dossier will take about 4 months to complete. Once all that is in, it takes 2-4 months for a referral. Then 4-6 weeks after that you travel to pick up your baby. So, let's see... If I start tomorrow, the paperwork should be done by November. Then referral will be between in December, January or February and I will pick up my baby either Jan, Feb, or March.

I was just talking today with my pregnant co-teacher about maternity leave. She is due Sept. 4 and plans to come back to work in December or January. She said that we get 6 weeks of partially paid leave and then an additional 6 weeks unpaid from FMLA. That does not sound like enough. 12 weeks? That's it?! And if I really think about it, I might not have the luxury of doing the additional six. :( Will my little one be adjusted enough to then be dropped off at day care during the day? Fortunately, my job has on-site day care starting at 6 weeks for employees (up to 18 months) and the school starts at 18 months. Which brings me to another question I hadn't thought of... depending on the age of the child I am adopting, she might be older than 18 months when I go back to work. That would mean putting her right into a class as well. I hadn't budgeted for that! OK, I haven't budgeted anything yet, but I know that tuition is wa-a-a-a-ay higher than daycare. Tuition at my school for 18-24 months old kiddos for 2 days a week half day is $9,420 (!!) and I'd have to pay for daycare for the afternoons. Teachers get a tuition discount of 40% but that's still a lot of cash. (especially after an international adoption!!) And that means, my little babe is going to have to adjust to me and then a 6 weeks later adjust to a class and a daycare. That sounds like too much. I may have to plan to do FMLA or figure out another daycare alternative--one that's cheaper and with only one caregiver. The beauty of her being at my job though, of course, is that she will be right there in the building and my job is child-friendly. (It would want to be--being a school and all-- LOL!!!) But if she needed me during the day, they could come find me in my classroom and have the roving sub cover my class. That can't be beat. I guess finding the money for that is now something else I will just need to figure out!

Now, if I an plan this properly, I can work in more time with my baby if I can travel around a school vacation. I don't know if this can be orchestrated, but if the referral comes in Feb/Mar I would get an additional two weeks if I could figure it around our Spring Break or maybe it'd be better for her to arrive around my Summer Break next year. I don't know if the leave would begin during the break or if vacation isn't counted as part of maternity leave. And maybe the rules are different if you adopt? Oh no! I just thought of something else-- will my child even get accepted to my school? I don't know if teacher children get in automatically. What if there's no space? And the financial aid deadline will have passed!! Many questions to ask this week before we go on summer break this Friday! Man, this is suddenly becoming very real and very complicated!

I'M BLUE

OVER 600 PEOPLE HAVE VISITED MY BLOG YET I HAVE ONLY RECEIVED ABOUT 10 COMMENTS. BLOGS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE INTERACTIVE, PEOPLE. LOL!!! ANYONE OUT THERE?!?! BUELLER? BUELLER? ANYONE?

Miracle of Adoption video

This is a beautifully moving video. I am hopeful that I will have the strength and perseverance this family had as they tried to raise the funds for their adoption. That will surely be my biggest obstacle but worth it in the end. Just look at the faces of their beautiful children. All children deserve to have a happy, healthy and safe upbringing. For those of you still questioning my motives to adopt, watching this may help put things into perspective. But I'm warning you... it's a tear-jerker! (have Kleenex handy)

Being Fulfilled

I had lunch today with my old friend Nikki, in town from London, and some of her childhood friends from Detroit. We enjoyed burgers and sweet potato fries and hours of conversation on a myriad of topics. At one point the conversation turned to dating and children and being fulfilled. One of the women there said that although she loved her children (and felt bad saying this because she would never want anything to happen to them) raising them was not the most fulfilling thing she has done in her life. That is so rare to hear a parent admit. I so appreciated her honesty. I find that out of fear of being judged, parents tend to act as if everything is hunky dory all the time or give the impression that nothing in life measures up. In a way it was eyeopening to realize it's okay to find things other than parenting fulfilling. Having a career you love can be fulfilling; traveling the world can be fulfilling; being financially free can be fulfilling. I know that I have always wanted to be a mother and I know that I will find it fulfilling but I do wonder where on the hierarchy it will lie. Now, granted, I was sitting in the kitchen with a lawyer, a fashion designer, an obstetrician and a university professor! These are women who have done very well in their careers, traveled the world, speak foreign languages, publish and start companies!! Quite frankly, they have done a lot more than most mothers so that may have something to do with it. But coming home to an empty house with nothing more interesting on tonight's agenda than paying bills and working on my blog, I know I would find hanging out with my kiddo more fulfilling!!!

Parents out there, where would you rate raising children on your list of fulfilling things?

I'm Ready!

I went out tonight... same ol', same ol'... hanging out with friends, martinis, flirting with guys... And it was okay but I am ready for more. I came home and thought how wonderful it would have been to check in on my sweet baby in her crib. I'm going to read over the Gladney paperwork this weekend, do the interview next week and get started. I'm ready. I really am. (Finally at 42!! LOL) Anyway, listen to this song. Watching the video might not seem relevant, but listen to the words... As Fergie says, 'I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now'... And I am ready for this next phase of my life!!

More Than One?

I got an email from Gladney with a 53 page attachment! I haven't looked at it yet (my printer's not set up at home). I'll print it out tomorrow at work and read it over the weekend. Without even reading it I already have a list of 13 questions for my social worker! And I'm sure that will double in the next couple of days. We also set up my phone interview for next week. I don't know what to expect in this phone call. I guess she'll be feeling me out? Even though I'm a bit nervous I am looking forward to it. Meanwhile, I called DC Child and Family Services. My social worker there didn't answer so I left her a message and asked her to call me tomorrow. Like I said a few posts ago, I think it's best that I not try to adopt through the foster care system right now. It is something I may consider in the future though when I want to expand my family.

I know, I know...More than one? Am I crazy? Yeah, probably, but I don't want to raise an only child. That I know for sure. Should I consider a sibling group? On one hand it's great that they will have each other--and a biological connection at that--but it brings the cost over $26,000... but on the other hand if I wait and do a second international adoption later, the price will be closer to $40,000! I don't know when in the process I need to decide (that's on of my questions I'll ask in the phone call) but I am keeping an open mind. The second child could just as easily come domestically, through foster care or from me. But I won't think about that now!! One thing at a time!!!!

Step One. Check.

Well, I did it. I faxed my initial information sheet off to Gladney. I also spoke to DP and she said if I get right on my paperwork I could have a child in March, 9 months (the same as a pregnancy!) I need to think about the timing. Do I try to pick up my child closer to spring break or closer to summer? Gosh, is this really happening?! I am so nervous! Do any other adoptive parents feel this way or is everyone completely gung ho by the time they do this? I guess with all the money and stress surrounding adoption, the parents-to-be are probably all totally ready. I guess I feel more like those families who get pregnant the minute they start trying.... like, 'yes, we want a family but we didn't think it would happen right away'... And like them, I am sure the closer I get to the "due date", the more excited I will become. I will never feel totally ready doing this by myself, I'm sure, so why not do it now? I mean, shoot, I am getting even more long in the tooth as each day passes! LOL

One Step Closer...

Today I pulled out all the paperwork from DC Child and Family Services and I sat and looked at it. And I thought and thought and thought. And although I want to keep all my options open, I just can't get past the possibility of raising a child for I don't know how long and in the end he/she gets reunited with the birth family. So, tomorrow I will call my social worker over there, tell her my concerns and suggest she go ahead and close my file. That was a difficult decision, to be honest, hugely because of cost. Adopting through the foster care system is around $20 (cost of fingerprinting) vs. international adoption, which is almost $20,000. But even with the cost, I am confident it is the right decision. It will all work out in the end. So, tomorrow I will fax my informational sheet off to Gladney!

support group needed

Back to real work tomorrow. I have really enjoyed this time off while I was recovering from my surgery. I swear I was royalty in another life. :-) Only two more weeks though and then we are finally done for the summer! Hallelujah!

I was at work on Thurs. and Fri. for parent teacher conferences. I love to hear what they do at home with their children. One of the parents said she and her husband lie in bed and listen to their son and daughter on the baby monitor in the mornings. Their children's bedrooms are on the upper level. They said they hear Sophie, 4, get out of her bed and walk into Griffin's room (he's 2) and read him a story. How sweet is that?! I hope as a single parent I have time to really enjoy moments like that and not be exhausted and frazzled and stressed all the time! Having a support group is so important. With my family living out of state I will have to rely on friends for that. Gosh, I mean, who would babysit? I don't have anyone lined up for things like that yet. Tami and I were talking about that the other day. I told her we need to set something up like I take the kids on Friday nights and she takes them on Saturday nights so that we get at least one night a week free for a date or some sleep! I know this will be the year to make some connections with other women or families either through SMC or church or somewhere to get a support group set up.

I had Ethiopian Food for lunch today at a restaurant in Silver Spring. I have eaten there before but I decided to give it another try, especially because I was interested in trying their doro wat. We got a big platter so we could sample about 10 different dishes. I ordered doro wat and two lamb dishes and collard greens and he got 5 other vegetarian dishes. I was not impressed. And injera...not a fan. He said it was not the best Ethiopian food he's had and suggested a restaurant on U St. that he said was much better. I hope so because I really want to love the food by the time the baby arrives.