donations

Thanks for all the donations!

A huge bag full of clothes!

Lots of balls! (oh, and one car!)


Granola bars and other assorted treats and toys!

The clothes are going to the orphanage and the toys and food will be handed out as we are out and about on the street. It feels good to know I will have something to share with these beautiful kids. It makes me happy to know they will at least eat that day and own a toy of their very own.

Photo Album

I finally got the photo album done. I included photos of myself with different hair styles as well as one with sunglasses so I won't look altogether unfamiliar when she sees me a different way. I also included photos of the front of the house and the kitchen (since I don't have the nursery together! Ack!) My plan is to take this when I first see her so she will have it to look at (and the nannies can talk to her about me) until I take full custody of her. Hopefully it will help somewhat with the transition.

Tick Tock

I invited some friends to join me for one last single-woman-without-children dinner and to celebrate my life changing event. We broke bread injera together at Almaz Restaurant. It was a nice gathering. Everyone is so excited about my Almaz!

(me with the owner, Mimi)

I have done so much in the last few days. I have worked practically non-stop. I should be done. I feel accomplished. Thing is, there are still many VERY IMPORTANT items left and I am almost out of time!!!! ARRRRRGGGGHH!!!!!!

* install carseat
* firm up ride to and from the airport
* organize paperwork
* organize donations
* pack
* set up the nursery
* clean (i.e. move all things from her reach)
* babyproof (outlets, cabinets, baby gates, window guards, etc.)
* make her doctor's appt.
* color my hair (sounds unimportant until the greys come in and then it's critical!! lol)

Wow. Clearly, it's not getting all done. I am going to just focus on the top five and if the rest get done before travel, great. I totally advise all of you in the paperchase and the waiting phase to do some of these things now!! It seems so far away, like you have all the time in the world but you really do. not. Ok, you are all probably very organized and efficient and good at delegating. I am the only dufus who is trying to do everything herself and then waits til the last possible minute to get it all done. That works when you are trying to write a paper in college but it does not work when you are trying to adopt a child!!!! (Note to self for the next time).

OK. Well, I am going to back to my to do list now. Have a good evening.

Getting Closer...

Let's revisit my TO DO list, shall we?

Travel
book tickets - check
decide on guest house - check
go to bank
get shots - got some, want more
fill travel partner in on what to expect - check
organize paperwork
organize donations

House
clean
cook meals to freeze - not doing
buy prepared toddler-friendly foods
organize the nursery
baby-proof the house

Job
sign up for FMLA - check
secure a substitute - check
write sub plans - check
tie up loose ends

baby
make pediatrician appt.
make dentist appt. - not doing
follow up on daycare - check
purchase needed items

other
get car serviced- made appt.
finish books on attachment parenting
doctor appts. for me - made appt.
color my hair

Still a lot to do from the list and still quite a few very important things that are not on that list that must get done like pay bills, send in preliminary paperwork for insurance, call for an estimate for a car I hit yesterday (just took off their mirror, thankfully, but the estimate they gave me was over $200--so do not need this hassle!) figure out how I'm getting to and from the airport, reinstall carseat, buy travel insurance, get volume fixed on computer, etc. One other thing that I must do is the photo album. Unfortunately I didn't send a photo album with the traveling parent who took her gift bag. I hadn't passed court yet and I guess I was being superstitious. Well, I was ok with that because I knew another family was traveling and I could send one with them. Well with the blizzard I wasn't able to get anything in the mail so now my little sweetie has never seen any pictures of me! I am going to create an album to take with me and get it to her when I arrive. Since I arrive a few days before I take custody of her at least if I don't meet her beforehand the nannies can talk to her about me so I won't be a complete stranger. It's better than nothing.

On a happier note, people at work are SO excited! I got so many hugs and emails and kind words this week. They are insisting on throwing me a shower when I get back or at least gathering items I would need while I am away and having them ready to present to me when I return. I am quite overwhelmed at the outpouring of support. It has really made this stressful time so much easier. Well, off to tackle some items! I'll leave you with a picture of my big girl standing. I can't wait to meet her!

Upon further examination of this photo, I realize that she is wearing the clothes I sent to her!! I send items that I thought she would outgrow by summer here and they look like they are kind of big on her! I am pretty sure they were 12 months or smaller. Gosh, I wish I had written it down to be sure, but I know I loved that Hannah Anderson dress and wanted her to wear it at least once. This at least helps me figure out what size to pack. Her gift bag arriving also means that the camera I put inside probably has photos of her on it. I can't wait to get them developed! Gosh, she looks so cute! I can't believe she is my daughter!

Toddler Adoption

A traveling mom took these when she went to pick up her child and forwarded them to me. What a wonderful gift! OK, seriously, how cute does my girl look?! Her feet look so pudgy and adorable! I looked at her eating this popcorn and my first thought was OMG! Please don't feed her popcorn, she might choke! Wow! She must have a lot of teeth! This made me kind of sad because she's growing up and I am not with her to see it. But I was hanging on to the fact that at least she still wasn't walking. I was so looking forward to seeing her meet that milestone and getting it on video! Well, I just got an email from my agency saying that she has just learned to walk. Sigh. I know there will be many more firsts.. but it's still hard.

I am starting to get more used to this whole motherhood thing. I woke up this morning and was thinking about my dream and then it hit me that I am a mom. It was the strangest thing. I am feeling a bit more like I can do this and letting go of all the stress that comes with wanting to be the perfect mom and feeling like I need XYZ in order to succeed. We will be fine. I have faith. One thing that is still extremely worrisome, though, is how we will attach. I have been reading lots on the topic and I am prepared to do all the suggestions I have read about: co-sleeping, baby wearing, bottle feeding, forced eye contact, predictable routines, etc. I hope she is a trooper and we do OK so I can go back to work in six weeks. The timing works out pretty well. Because I got such a speedy Embassy date and am leaving so soon, I can go to Ethiopia for a week and then do four weeks of FMLA which will put me right up at Spring Break and the plan is to return to work right after Spring Break. I hope 6 weeks is enough. I am prepared to extend if necessary, though deep down I think that attachment will take much longer than that and financially I can only stay home so long.

I have been reading blogs by parents who adopted children at this age. Some of the hand offs (when the parent is handed their child by the nanny) sound absolutely harrowing. Children screaming out and arching their backs away from the parent. The grief and the fear and the tears lasting for days and days. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for this, though it's difficult. I have been questioning my doing a toddler adoption. Wouldn't a sweet, oblivious baby have been so much easier? What was I thinking? Toddlers developmentally want to be independent and say no a lot. Add a language barrier, confusion and grief in the mix... oh boy. It's going to be interesting. I worry a lot about how she is going to manage. Poor thing has already had to do this once or maybe twice before and now will have to relive it all over again. I tear up thinking about how hard this is going to be for her. For us.

I pray for my little one every night. I pray she is happy and well cared for and healthy. I pray we attach quickly and she learns to love and trust me. I am apprehensive about toddler adoption but this is my little girl and I am ready for the challenge. She's over 7,000 thousand of miles away but soon we will be together forever and I am ready to begin our journey as a family.

Big Time New Mom Jitters

As I plug through my to do list and check off all the things I need to do and buy before my daughter's arrival, honestly I am struck down by the fear and enormity of it all. I am a mother, a parent; I am now and forever responsible for another human being. Do I think I am up for the job? Sure, I wouldn't have adopted if I thought otherwise. But the joys of becoming a mom to a new cuddly girl and all the years of yearning and waiting haven't dimmed my perception about how difficult raising a child on my own is going to be.

I have taught young children for the past 16 years (and babysat for years before that) and although I know that parenting 24/7/365 is not the same as being a teacher, I feel it has definitely given me an edge. I have had the opportunity to meet hundreds, maybe thousands, of children and by doing so I have gotten plenty of experience with relating to children and working with different personalities. I have worked with children of different learning styles and learned a variety of behavior management techniques. I have worked school age children, preschool children and deaf children. I think these experiences will come in handy while parenting but I am still a nervous wreck.

Then I read these blogs of parents-to-be and they are all sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and it makes me feel guilty for feeling at all apprehensive. Maybe they are in a fantasy world. Or maybe they are the types with loads of energy who currently have spotless homes, prepare home cooked meals and still have time for crafts and 10 mile runs while holding down full time jobs. Or maybe they have full time nannies and housekeepers lined up and spouses who are eager to be 100% involved.

Well, that is not me. I am tired now. I can only imagine how it's going to be with Almaz home. I don't like laundry or preparing meals and I am good for doing both as infrequently as possible. That is surely going to have to change. I love taking naps and going out for cocktails and dating and traveling. That will have to be put on the back burner. I don't have too many complaints about my single life and I get my "kid fix" every day at work when along with teaching the three R's, I tie shoes, instill morals, give hugs and wipe tears. But something has been missing. I feel it around all the holidays, especially Christmas, but even the smaller ones like Fourth of July and Valentine's Day. And oddly enough I also feel it at random times like while on the ferry going over to Martha's Vineyard. I want my own child, my own traditions, my own family. Well, that time is here. She is here. I am a mother. I am writing this to document my real feelings about this so next February when I am in the groove I can look back and see where I was and how far I've come. I want to be able to remember how nervous I was as I prepared to become a mom. I have wanted this for so long and now she's here and I am really scared.

Making Progress

I secured my travel partner! My cousin Charles is coming with me!

I am so excited! I really wanted someone to accompany me who I am close to, who I trust, someone who embraces my adoption and is excited about going to Ethiopia, someone who travels well and doesn't need 5 star accommodations and someone who's good at photography! Chucky's 5 for 5! Yay!!!

Travel Partner? Check.

Shots? Check.

Tickets? Check.

Motherhood is Approaching...

very soon. Very, very soon.

It's a matter of weeks before I board that plane and the number of details that have to come together in this short expanse of time is simply mind boggling. I am so completely overwhelmed that I am having a hard time enjoying the process. Some of these things I could have gotten done while waiting, true, but many could not. Here's an extremely shortened version for ya:

Travel
book tickets
decide on guest house
go to bank
get shots
fill travel partner in on what to expect
organize paperwork
organize donations

House
clean
cook meals to freeze
buy prepared toddler-friendly foods
organize the nursery
baby-proof the house

Job
sign up for FMLA
secure a substitute
write sub plans
tie up loose ends

baby
make pediatrician appt.
make dentist appt.
follow up on daycare
purchase needed items

other
get car serviced
finish books on attachment parenting
doctor appts. for me
color my hair


And to top it off my dad is having knee replacement surgery next week, I'm freakin' pissed off that I don't get paid leave and I slipped in the snow this morning and twisted my ankle.

Naomi Winter Almaz

The name Naomi has both Hebrew and Japanese roots. In Hebrew, as I understand it, Naomi means "pleasant", "my joy", "my delight". My middle name also means "joy" so there is kind of a family connection there. In Japanese, nao means honest and mi means beautiful. I think it is a beautiful name.

Winter, came about for a couple of reasons. First of all, it just sounds so pretty to me! This has also been a memorable winter for sure, and I also became a mother in winter. I love the sound of it. Elegant and unique.

Almaz means Diamond. I love that meaning because she certainly is my little jewel, my gem. I learned from my Ethiopian travel agent today that a nickname for Almaz can be "Almi". That is so cute! I may call her that.

It was very important to me to have a part in the naming of my child. This little girl is going to be my everything, the person I live my life for, and coming up with my own name for her was very special. It was equally important for Almaz to be included. In Ethiopia, a name often symbolizes an event surrounding the birth. I won't know why she was given this name --or even it was her mother who gave it to her (and I may never know)-- but I wanted her to have that to hold onto, something to have pride in and cherish from her birth country. She has two families who love her: her Habesha fmily and her American family and she will be reminded of each when she thinks of her name.

I love how the three names sound together as well. I can see her as an elegant woman with this beautiful and unique name. Three pretty, yet significant, names. Whichever she chooses to go by as she gets older will be fine by me because I like them all. She will be an Ethiopian-American girl living in a very diverse, multicultural city and I think her name suits her beautifully.

I want to add that in making the decision I turned to the internet for guidance! When I made the final decision, strangers left the following sweet comments on my post. Naomi Winter Almaz. I put a lot of love and thought into her name and I hope she likes it as much as I do.


naomi winter almaz it is!
Thread created by: lighow on Tue Feb 09, 2010 1:05 am

thanks for all your help!!

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Re: naomi winter almaz it is!
by irisrose on Tue Feb 09, 2010 1:18 am

congratulations--Naomi Winter Almaz is beautiful!

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Re: naomi winter almaz it is!
by susan on Tue Feb 09, 2010 1:40 am

How lovely, so warm and sparkly!
Congratulations on your sweet little daughter!

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Re: naomi winter almaz it is!
by everwaiting on Tue Feb 09, 2010 1:43 am

Great job!!!
Three cheers for little Naomi Winter Almaz H!!!

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Re: naomi winter almaz it is!
by lyndsayjenness on Tue Feb 09, 2010 2:01 am

Ooh! What a great name! I foresee you calling out "Naomi Winter!" many times in the future (not because she's in trouble, just because it's fun to say!). Naomi is an amazing name, totally unappreciated but so so beautiful! Your daughter has an enviable name, good work!

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Re: naomi winter almaz it is!
by jill on Tue Feb 09, 2010 2:05 am

Woo-hoo!!! I think Naomi Winter Almaz is gorgeous, not to mention special. :-)
Congratulations!
Take care!

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Re: naomi winter almaz it is!
by jillymommy on Tue Feb 09, 2010 2:14 am

Beautiful. I love it.

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Re: naomi winter almaz it is!
by elena on Tue Feb 09, 2010 12:52 pm

Naomi Winter Almaz is beyond stunning, well done on choosing such a beautiful name!
I love it so much :)

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Re: naomi winter almaz it is!
by lighow on Tue Feb 09, 2010 3:20 pm

thanks everyone for all the kind comments! :-D

WOW!!!

I have never seen so much snow in all my life! This is the craziest, snowiest, most unpredictable, most unusual, most unDC-like weather ever! It's unbelievable! It's crazy to think that I shoveled my walk and cleaned off my car yesterday--it had NO SNOW on it-- and spent a long time shoveling out my parking space and now it looks like this!!!

Of course, now I am completely second guessing my decision to not stay in that rediculously long line at the grocery store yesterday to buy more food. I swear the line stretched all the way back from the registers to the back of the store and then crossed the store perpendicularly and went almost all the way to the other side. There must have been at least 50 people in line! I just did not have the patience and my cabinets are full of food so there was no need. If I was snowed in til May I wouldn't starve. I just wanted what I wanted (cookie making ingredients, wine, ice cream.. no wonder I'm not losing any weight!)

So, I am without Toll House cookie making ingredients but I am nice and cozy inside while the wind whips about my windows. It's scary, to be honest with you. I am so grateful for this warm house. It sure is cozy in here with my tea (seen here in my favorite "COCOA" mug I made)

but I wouldn't be surprised if we lost power. I had read that the weight of the snow was making peoples awnings and roofs collapse. That is a very scary prospect. I cleaned off my awning as best I could yesterday and this morning I thought about the skylight in my bathroom. I pulled it open to clean off the snow that had accumulated. Look at all this!

I need to do that every hour. So, yes, I am off work for the rest of the week with loads of time to work on the nursery and prepare for my daughter's arrival but it won't be as relaxing as I had anticipated.

It's whiteout conditions out there. Our second blizzard in a week! I will never forget this winter, hence one of the names I gave my daughter: Naomi Winter Almaz.

My Neighborhood

I bought this house thinking into the future. I don't do that much anymore--that is, now I try to live more presently. Truthfully, many times in the past few years I wondered why I was living in a house in a family neighborhood in DC when I really wanted to be living in a hip NYC apartment, hanging out in clubs and lounges and dating hot models. (Ha! Reality check: you are a 40-something Kindergarten teacher about to become a mom.. get a grip). Honestly, I do dream about that at times but now that Almaz is coming home I am back to appreciating where I live!

I was driving home the other day with my camera (which stays with me since I am involved in Project 365) and realized once again all the great things that are all within 6 blocks from my house.

There's the beautiful neighborhood public library:

The nice community center with a workout room and indoor pool:

Outdoor tennis courts:

A dance studio:
Also, a good vegetarian/vegan/raw foods restaurant, a Jamaican restaurant with the best peach pie ever and I just discovered a brand new Spanish immersion day care center with space! I also have a pretty decent-sized yard and friendly neighbors!

If I venture 2 miles, I have a really nice park with toddler play equipment:

and many restaurants, including several Ethiopian ones, and this great coffee shop:

Yeah, I will always have a love affair with New York City but this is a pretty good set up if you ask me! This will be a great place to raise my daughter.

And Injera, Too!

As I was making those egg crepes I kept thinking I need to be learning how to make injera. Learning how to make it is certainly not a necessity living in this area; it's easily accessible at the many, many, many Ethiopian restaurants and markets scattered all over the city. Plus, I have Ethiopian friends just up the road who are more than happy to show me how to make authentic injera -- well as authentic as possible considering the altitude and ingredients. Teff is easily available but I think how and where it's grown factors in. But learning how to prepare Ethiopian dishes myself is important to me and injera is eaten at every meal. Whether I make it myself or go out and buy it, I certainly need to stock up because from my experience that is pretty much all she has probably ever eaten. The toddlers in the orphanage where I volunteered ate injera and wot for every single meal. Every. single. day.

I imagine it's the same with Almaz. Add to that that toddlers can be finicky anyway, well having injera in the house at all times (at least in the beginning) is a smart idea.

Well, how happy was I to discover this injera recipe in that same cookbook?! It is a very simplified way to make injera so it probably doesn't taste "authentic" but I'm no injera expert and an Americanized version suits my palate better. The injera in Ethiopia is very dark and very bitter and I actually preferred the version they brought out to farenji in restaurants.

Here's the recipe if you are interested:

If someone tries it, please let me know how it turns out. Thanks!


(Source: Extending the Table... A World Community Cookbook by Joetta Handrich Schlabach)

Somali Egg Crepes

I woke up yesterday thinking pancakes would be nice to go along with this snowy weather but I didn't have any pancake mix so I pulled this cookbook off my bookshelf.I love this cookbook! It has such a wonderful variety of recipes from all over the world. I need to use it more often. So, I flipped through and found this recipe for which most of the ingredients I had on hand.Close enough to pancakes! I decided to try them. I documented the process for you. First up? Sugar. Check. My sugar is brown and white because it's a mix of regular sugar and Sucanat.
Next eggs. Well, I only had egg whites so that's what I used.
Baking powder. Check. Though I couldn't find my half teaspoon measuring spoon so I had to estimate.
Cloves. Check. Improvised again.Milk. Check.Flour. Check. Only wheat flour on hand.I mixed everything up and heated up the non-stick frying pan. I used just a bit of non-stick spray and poured in some batter. I spread it around and waited for it to bubble. Looking good!Then I tried to flip it. Fail. Learn from my mistakes. First of all, don't put on the non-stick spray judiciously, trying to save calories. No, use way more than you normally would. Or switch to butter. I switched to Earth Balance. Second, make sure your batter is really thin. Once I made these adjustments, they came out great.Pretty tasty! A bit heavy on the clove flavoring, though, for my taste. I might try cinnamon next time. But, I like that they are portable, no crumbs (great for kids in carseats) and very inexpensive to make. Maybe you'd like to try them!

Choosing a Name

Choosing a name for my daughter was something I took very seriously. It was very important for me to keep Almaz as part of her name but it was also important to me that I honor my family in some way and that I pay attention to the meaning of the name. However, other considerations came to mind like the fact that I became a mother in February. February, the month of love in the middle of the winter. And another consideration was the fact that the first thing I thought of when I saw her was that she had bright eyes. Whenever people see her photo they almost always comment on her eyes. "Look at those eyes!" is a phrase I have heard many times. And finally, I wanted to simply use a name that I like! Well, as you can see, that's a lot factors to be part of one little girl's name!

* use Almaz
* honor family
* consider names with meaning
* consider becoming a mother in February
* my first thought of her bright eyes
* a name that I like

Clearly I had some narrowing down to do! I couldn't give her 6 names, she's not Tikki Tikki Tembo!

Names in my family of importance begin with L, E and M. Names that I liked with those initials included (but were not limited to) Lauren, Leila, Elizabeth, Eleanor, Miranda and Madeline.

Names with meaning that I love include Amanda (much loved), Evelyn (desired), Gabriella (God is my strength), and Miriam (wished for child).

February brought to mind names like Neve (snow in Latin), Zaria (rose in Arabic), Ruby, Rose and Winter.

Her eyes led me to discover names like Claire (bright in French), Nayana (beautiful eyes in Hindi) and Najila (bright eyes in Arabic).

And then there were just names that I liked like Quinn, Brooklyn, Samantha, Priya and Grace.

When I first started the process of choosing a name I shared some of the ones I liked with friends and family and you wouldn't believe how cruel people were! I heard comments like, "that's ghetto" or "sounds like a stripper" or "not resume-friendly" or "I'm not a fan." I quickly learned not to share.

Well, after lots and lots and lots of deliberation, I am here to say I have chosen a full name. Here are some hints:

** The first name is 3 syllables. I love it and it has special meaning. It begins with an N.
** The second name is listed above. No more clues.
** The third name means diamond in Amharic. :-)

Care to make a guess?

It bears noting that I am quite fond of the name Almaz and think its meaning is special. I may in fact just call her Almaz or perhaps a combination of the names I have chosen. What she will go by will be officially determined once I meet her.

(And Robyn, you can not guess since you found out already! :-D)

Blizzard of 2010

I swear, this blizzard must've been created just for me! :-D

I haven't been able to find the time to do anything to prepare for my daughter's arrival even though I know it has to be a priority. Unfortunately, it seems like lately everything is a priority! Bills. Meetings. Assessments. Report Cards. Family health issues. The nursery and all the other hundreds of things related to her arrival have taken a back seat since that's over a month away. And then when I am not dealing with life-stuff, I want to be hanging out. I want to accept every invitation since I know that's all about to be shut down. But at the same time I really, really, really need to be home getting everything ready. It's a Catch 22, people!! Well, there's a blizzard out there so now I have no choice! Everything is shut down and I am alone in this house with nothing but time on my hands!!

I got home early on Friday because my school district closed 2.5 hours early. It had just started to snow. I was celebrating in my front yard, giddy with the prospect of a chance to accomplish some things off my mammoth never-ending to do list!

It was all fun and games taking these pictures until my camera fell off my car, smashing onto the concrete. I'm lucky I didn't crack the screen, although it now has a grinding noise whenever I open it or try to get in for a tight shot. :(

oops.

So I went in the house with my bruised camera, unpacked my groceries (salmon, ice cream, Chardonnay and pizza were some of the musts!) and prepared to hunker down for the storm. I turned on my heated mattress pad - love.it. - and got cozy in my bed to work on a name for my girl. I am keeping Almaz as part of it but want to add something to it. Look for a post on that process to come. I spent the whole evening coming up with combinations of the names I love. Meanwhile, it kept snowing and snowing and snowing. It's blowing like crazy out there now and the snow keeps piling up. It hasn't stopped snowing since Friday morning. There has got to be at least 2' out there. It's incredible!!

This morning I created a Blizzard To Do List. Trust me on this: it's long. But it's also manageable! I am sure that I don't just have this weekend to accomplish the items on it. DC is not prepared to handle snow of this magnitude. There is NO WAY they will have this plowed in time for school on Monday. Or Tuesday. And they are forecasting even more snow for Tuesday so that means there probably won't be any snow on Wednesday either! I'm predicting we are out until Thursday at the earliest. That gives me five straight uninterrupted days to get things done! First up, the nursery. Remember these photos? I will start on this today and will do another nursery-related post at the end of the blizzard. Wish me luck!

Passing Court

First of all, thank you for all the wonderful comments of congratulations! It's so nice to share my happiness with all of you out there! So, Tuesday was such a flurry of emotions and before I forget all the details, I figure I better write them down. (By the way, sorry for going private for a couple of days but I wanted to be 100% sure I was allowed to post photos).

OK, so I knew my court date was on Tuesday and this time, unlike last week, I was a bundle of nerves. For some reason I didn't think I was going to pass last week so getting the call that I hadn't didn't come to a surprise but anticipating this one was a whole different story. I was nervous that if I didn't pass that something more serious would be going on and I was afraid of being extended for months on end or of not passing at all. To top off my nervousness, I hadn't really slept well all week. I usually sleep 7 hours like clockwork no matter what time I go to bed and at the latest I am in bed by 11. Well last week, for some reason when the 11 o'clock hour rolled around sleep was of no interest so I didn't even bother getting into bed. I'd force myself to go to asleep around 1 or 2 am and still have to be up by 7. As the week wore on, the 4 and 5 and 6 hour nights were really beginning to take a toll on me. When I don't get sleep one thing to suffer is my hair and by Tuesday I was forced to wear a hat to work to cover it up! I was a mess.
To top off getting compromised sleep, I was stressed all week because I had assessments to do and report cards and meetings with parents and other life stress. I was surviving on caffeine and carbs and I was exhausted! A couple of people asked me if I was okay so I know I was looking bad!

So, knowing I was going to get a call I had my phone with me all day. (We are not supposed to have cell phones on in the classroom, but come on). By 11 am when it still hadn't rung I thought maybe my agency had decided to email me instead so I decided to log on to the internet while my kids were in art-- but just as I made that decision, there was an announcement over the loudspeaker that our internet was down! I was sure my social worker was wanting to avoid calling me with the bad news and had resorted to email so I decided to log on via my phone. Now mind you, all my emails get delivered to my phone so there is no need to log on to the internet from my phone but that didn't register so I went ahead and tried. I wasn't able to get a connection so I gave up and walked down the hall to pick my kids up from art.

When I got to the art hallway, my mind was wandering to all the different scenarios. You didn't pass because of X. Your new court date has been scheduled for X. I'm sorry but you won't be able to adopt her because of X. The suspense was killing me. I peeked in and could hear the art teacher telling my class that I was in the hall waiting for them and to start cleaning up. At the same time I heard my phone making the sound indicating that I had a voice mail. My phone hadn't rung so I had no idea who had called but of course I immediately dialed my voicemail to hear the message.

Here is the message I heard:

"Hi Laura, it's L.A. Congratulations! You passed court! Um, J's going to be sending a travel checklist via email in just a little bit and he's hoping you that will hit the March 3rd Embassy date but it's probably going to be March 17. But anyway, he's going to shoot for March 3. Um, but you passed and that's the big deal. You passed. Congratulations. I'm on my way out the door I gotta go pick my dog from the vet but I'll back later this afternoon and you should have your email in just a little bit. Congratulations again. Take care. Bye bye."

And like that I was a mother.

Now I had every intention of photographing the phone when the call came in and I had brought my camera to school with me but without the phone ringing I wasn't able to document that! And I meant to take a picture of myself that day as well but the whole day was such an emotional high and on top of sleep deprivation I wasn't thinking very clearly!

So anyhoo, back to the call. So I listened to the message and hung up the phone standing there alone in the hallway. Somewhere in the distance I could hear, "Boys and girls, your teacher is waiting for you in the hallway. You need to clean up..." but my mind was a million miles away. I was a mother. The court in Ethiopia had declared that I was fit enough to care for this beautiful child. I was suddenly a mother. OK, maybe not so sudden considering it took 2 years, 8 months, 4 days but I must say it's exceptionally strange to go from being a childless kindergarten teacher waiting to pick up her kids from class to a being a kindergarten teacher with a daughter across the world in a matter of seconds! So I was standing out there in the hall stunned. I said a prayer of thanks to God and my eyes filled with tears. Meanwhile, my kids were forming a line inside the art room and I knew I had to go in get them which was the only thing that kept me from becoming a blubbering mess in the hallway. I walked into the art room and asked the art teacher if she had a tissue. She took one look at me and said, "Oh my gosh, are you okay? Is everything alright?" and I said something about passing court and becoming a mother and I don't even know what I said exactly but she screamed and gave me a huge hug and the two of us had to keep from crying. Meanwhile, my students were wondering what was going on and were asking us so I told her tell them the news since I had to blow my nose. :) She told them and they started cheering. So sweet! I got myself together and walked them back to my classroom where I proceeded to call my family.

What a day, I tell ya. It's such a strange feeling. It bears repeating that one second you are not a mother and the next second you are. I'm excited and nervous. I am filled with anticipation and questions!! Is this how a mother feels? I am now have a little human being counting on me to take care of her for life. It's overwhelming and humbling at the same time. Hard to imagine that it is finally here, really. I've been thinking back to when I first started this blog almost three years ago. Back then how open I was to all possibilities on becoming a mother. I had no idea how many twists and turns this path was going to take but my time is now. I am a mother and Almaz is my daughter. I will never forget that day. February 2. The day I became a mother.

(top photo was when I broke the news of my referral to my parents; bottom photo was taken at my house when I threw a party for all those who supported me in my adoption)

Introducing My Daughter!!

My Journey to Motherhood has been long and challenging but sooo worth it in the end! Introducing my bright-eyed daughter, Almaz.

referral photo ~ approximately 14 months old



most recent photo ~ approximately 18 mo

Tomorrow's the Big Day

The eve of my courtdate is upon me once again. I have not slept well all week. I am not sure why that is. I feel confident that my agency took care of the problem and I will pass tomorrow, but for some reason I haven't been able to sleep. It's been one of the most exhausting weeks of my life!! I haven't been able to sleep but I also haven't been able to be very productive. I've just been an emotional wreck.

Part of me is worried that I won't pass. If I don't, then when will my new courtdate be? Or what if I learn that I won't become her mother? I don't even want to think about those outcomes. But, frankly, part of me is also nervous that I will pass. Passing means that my life is about to change in a huge way and the unknowns of that make me nervous. I am a risk taker and I love adventure so I don't know why I am stressed out but I am. It would help if someone in my family had done an adoption before. Or it would help if I had husband. Shoot, it would help if I had a million dollars! But, I don't.. it's just me and my girl (and my growing village) and of course God is there to help and guide me on this incredible journey. I am not really alone and a million dollars won't make me a better mother. I'll be fine. I. can. do. this.

Please pray for me and my girl tonight. I hope to bring you good news tomorrow!