Check.

The homestudy was finally sent off to CIS today. Finally. I don't know who is to blame or why it took so freakin' long (each was blaming the other) but it's all good. What's done is done and it's in the mail.

I hear it'll take nine weeks+ to get my I171-H and sometime in there I will get my biometrics appointment. The plan is by the time I get the I171-H, my dossier will be done. My goas is to get it finished before Easter!

As far as a court date, my agency says at this point a summer court date is highly unlikely and to expect a court date sometime around November or December (assuming all goes as planned--and who really knows with international adoption). I'm okay with that. Summer is just a few short months away and I still have so much to do to prepare. It's all just beginning to feel real after all these months of being in limbo.

So, now it's on to the dossier. I'm so glad to be done with one huge chunk of this annoying, stressful, time-consuming adoption process--it's such a load off-- and the dossier doesn't seem to be too complicated. Luckily I have spring break in one week so I will have a whole week of uninterrupted time. Yay.

While working on the dossier, there is something else I need to decide. I could potentially get a referral before the summer, but should I? Let's say I get a referral in May. That could be great. I would be able to see her face, give her a name, show everyone the beautiful baby that will be coming home to me. But I potentially won't get a court date until November or later, so that would mean six months or more of waiting. Six months where she will be in someone else's care. She will be six months older. The other option is to hold off for a referral until after the courts reopen. I won't get to see her face until October but I won't have to wait six months for a court date. And at least I will be logged in. With the precariousness of singles adopting situation I worry that maybe I should be doing the quickest thing possible. So, I'm not sure which option is better. They both have their pluses and minuses. Your thoughts?

Measurement and Time

My kindergartners are learning about time and measurement. Today they used Unifix cubes to learn about non-standard measurement. They had a lot of fun measuring objects around the classroom like books, glue bottles, pencils, blocks and paintbrushes. Then I told them they could measure anything else they were curious about and some of them decided to measure their whole bodies. Cute :)







While learning about time we only focused on morning, afternoon and night and time to the hour. Some of the concepts they really don't get and their questions crack me up.

Me: "Boys and girls, we only have 45 minutes to finish up before music."
Student: "What does that mean?"

Or this one.

Student: "Is it almost lunch time?"
Me: "No. We still have 2 ½hours."
Student: "How long is that?"

Today as they were working, I thought about the concepts of measurement and time. It doesn't get much clearer as you get older. Personally, I tend to think that time is not constant. Some days just seem to go by faster than others. So maybe they really did? Like most PAPs I am consumed with the concept of time. You always read about time on adoption blogs:
The time spent deciding between IUI, IVF or adoption.
The time spent trying to get pregnant.
The time spent being pregnant.
The time spent mourning the loss of a pregnancy.
The time spent researching adoption agencies.
The time spent doing a home study.
The time spent traveling or standing in line for fingerprints, driving records and the like.
The ridiculous amount of time spent reading other blogs and on yahoo groups.
The time spent reading up on attachment, RAD, bonding, grief and loss, lifebooks etc.
The time spent designing a nursery, putting together furniture, researching baby products and baby names.
The time spent learning about the culture and traditions of the future child's birth country.
The time spent waiting for a referral.
The time spent waiting for a courtdate.
The time left before some document expires.
The time spent in the air traveling.
The amount of time it took to feel like their child was becoming comfortable.
The time it took to attach and bond.
The time spent on the lifebook.
The time it takes to clear up giardia.
The time lost before the child joined the family.
The right time to talk about adoption.

Did I miss any?

And then there are all the tickers and countdowns and various markers to denote the passage of time. Including on this blog. Hey, I am guilty. I am consumed by the passage of time.

But really, the concept of time is really far deeper than my feeble brain can comprehend. From a Judeo-Christian standpoint I suspect we are to believe that time began when God created the Earth. But what happened before that? I don't get it. I am not nearly scholarly enough or deep enough or intellectual enough to understand, nor do I have the energy or the time to learn about it-- but I do find it fascinating.

Comment on that if you like, but what I really want to know is: Which section of time --part of the adoption process-- was the most challenging for you? And do you have any tips to make that easier for those of us yet to experience it?

Mural in the Nursery

I think I'll paint a mural in the nursery. I have done it before. Here I am painting Clifford on the KG classroom wall at the orphanage in Addis Ababa.




























For the nursery, though, I'm thinking a tree. Modernwallgraphics has this which I like a lot.















Or maybe I won't do a tree at all. I found this on Project Nursery. I like this, too, and I wouldn't have to repaint as she got older.























Does it make sense to look at bedding first? Hmmm.
Which comes first the paint or the bedding?

Preparing Myself (and the Nursery) for Baby

My house has four small bedrooms upstairs. One teeny, tiny one that I turned into a walk-in closet right after I moved in (with permanent closet organizers) and three other slightly larger rooms. The master bedroom is in the front of the house. Next to it is a bathroom. On the other side of the bathroom is another room, which will be the nursery, and in the back of the house is the forth bedroom. The back room was added as an addition, like most houses in my neighborhood, probably about forty years ago. It is nice to have the extra space, but in order to get to that back room you have to either walk through the walk in closet or the future nursery. Currently, the middle room is my TV room/den/office and the back room has all of my art/scrapbooking/photography stuff in it. This hasn't presented a problem when it was just me living here, but it's probably not a good idea to have a room with expensive cameras and enticing art supplies and hundreds of markers and decorative papers in a spectrum of colors one room over from a curious toddler. (Although I don't know what age my daughter will be when I bring her home, I'm going to prepare for a child who may be crawling or walking already).

So, I have a dilemma. I don't have enough space in my small home. Ideally I would like separate spaces for:

* a place to watch TV (preferably not in my bedroom or in the living room)
* an office space
* a playroom
* a place to do my creative stuff, and
* a guest room

But other than the back room upstairs the only other possible spaces I have are the sunroom/breakfast room on the first floor--which leads to the backyard where no doubt we will be coming in and out of all summer--and a fairly large, extremely humid basement. So three rooms (back room upstairs, sunroom and basement) when I need five. I realize I can double up but I am having a really hard time trying to figure out how to do that without spending a lot of money. If money were no object I suppose I could make the basement climate right, buy some comfy furniture, section off the washer/dryer, add some built-ins for art supplies, mount a flat screen TV and turn that space into a guestroom/artspace/den. My art supplies would be safe because she would never be down there without me and it'd be a place to go and relax with guests or when she's sleeping and I don't want to disturb her. Then the upstairs room could be simply an office and the sunroom could be her playroom. Maybe you have a better idea?

With the above idea in mind I started to clear out my den to make room for baby. I really want to start setting up the nursery because I really need to make this adoption feel more real. I know usually people don't want to look at an empty room in the midst of the process because they feel sad and empty, but I feel the opposite. I want that space done so I can really start to feel like motherhood isn't just some illusive concept. I want to feel that yearning! I want to see the baby furniture and the clothes and toys and books. I want to feel the excitement building that I imagine pregnant woman must feel in the months leading up to their child's birth.

The adoption process is mostly doctors appointments and document gathering and check writing and, well, it's basically no fun at all. We don't get the new wardrobe and the sonograms (or are they ultrasounds? --you know the little picture of the developing baby) and the pats on the belly and the cravings and all the other accoutrements of the impending arrival. I want that! I want people to be excited and involved and send little gifts in the mail. I want my family to be excited and talking about it-- and by 'it' I mean the baby. If I were pregnant the comments from friends in family would be:

* Congratulations!
* How do you feel?
* Have you thought of a name?

But when you say you are adopting you don't get those questions. The questions, if you get any at all--and there have been many people in my life who have not asked one question at all from good friends to close family members--are more typically :

* Why?
* Can't you have any of your own?
* Aren't you afraid of illness/attachment/low intelligence..?

Most people just aren't excited about adoption and even if they are, they aren't talking about it every time they see you like they would if you were pregnant with that big visual reminder. They don't congratulate you or ask you how you are feeling or drop by with little booties or board books. So, I want to do the nursery so when people come over they will have that visual reminder and will be excited and so that I, too, will have the excitement that is so lacking from this whole process.


So, today I started clearing out the den to prepare the nursery and if I squeeze my eyes tightly shut and sit still for a moment, I can detect a wee bit of excitement stirring from within.

Confession

Ok, I have a confession to make. When I got diagnosed with strep throat I left the urgent care facility and promptly bought an Oreo milkshake. I figured God would understand.


Ok, I have another confession to make. When I was stressed out about the homestudy drama, a friend took me out for Thai food. I had a few bites of his fish and several bites of his mango sticky rice. I don't have an excuse for eating sweets on this day except that I already had a love affair with the mango and I couldn't resist. Have you tried it?? OMG. Best dessert ever. (along with chocolate chip cookies). Must post recipe here for my own future reference. This is the easiest one I saw. I will be learning how to make this and preparing it often.


Didn't want to get any more nice comments about how impressed you are or how well I'm doing.. I can say that I have not had any alcohol or logged onto Facebook. So that's something I guess cause Lord knows I have needed a drink! Twenty more days to go...

Calming Down...

Today was a crazy day. First of all, it was St. Patrick's Day. My kids were off the chain! They came dressed in all shades of green and were SO excited to bring the leprechaun catchers they had created to school. We did some projects and then went on a leprechaun hunt. I added to the hype by turning over some chairs in the classroom and tossing some glitter around while they were at art. They were totally convinced a leprechaun had been in our classroom. It was SO cute! One of the best parts of teaching (other than snow days and you know I love my snow days!) is that kids can really take your mind off your stress. This morning I was still fuming about the whole homestudy thing but forgot all about it until I left work at 4:30 this afternoon. I love that my kiddos can give me some joy during the day! Here are a couple of them at the end of the day still looking for that tricky leprechaun!


When I left work I tried my social worker again. He claims my homestudy was sent to CIS today.
I hope so. He said a copy was sent to me. If I don't get it by Friday I am going to raise all hell cause I also just learned that it's approximately a nine week turnaround to get the I171H. I can pretty much kiss a summer court date good-bye. As eager as I was to get in before the courts closed, deep down I knew that wasn't really likely. I am still hopeful I can get my bambino in 2009 but I am not sure. Thanks for the supportive comments on the last post. Several people did say that it I need to just trust the timing because my daughter will come to me at the perfect time, and I believe that to be true.

So, I came home and made some dinner. The old me would have eaten a pint of Ben and Jerry's to self-soothe (ok, who am I kidding? the new me could easily do that, too) but tonight I decided to just cook a quick healthy meal and focus on other things. Rachel posted an easy recipe and I tried it tonight. I sauteed some garlic in olive oil, added black beans and tomatoes, and salt to taste.


I, then, added some sliced avocado and ate it with tortilla chips and an O'Doul's. Pretty darn tasty.


And then I topped off the whole meal with a homemade vegan brownie. The surprise ingredient is zucchini! I was a bit unsure of how they would taste but they are really good! They are more the consistently of cake than brownies but trust me, I know my chocolate desserts, and they are great. Honestly, I can't see ever making my child brownies from a mix when these are so much healthier and can give her a serving of vegetables as well. Try them. I highly recommend!

ZUCCHINI BROWNIES

INGREDIENTS
1/2 cup canola oil
1 1/2 cups white sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups shredded zucchini

ICING
6 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 cup butter
2 cups confectioners’ sugar
1/4 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a 9×13 inch baking pan.
2. In a large bowl, mix together the oil, sugar and 2 teaspoons vanilla until well blended. Combine the flour, 1/2 cup cocoa, baking soda and salt; stir into the sugar mixture. Fold in the zucchini. Spread evenly into the prepared pan.
3. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until brownies spring back when gently touched.
To make the frosting, melt together the 6 tablespoons of cocoa and butter; set aside to cool. In a medium bowl, blend together the confectioners’ sugar, milk and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla. Stir in the cocoa mixture. Spread over cooled brownies before cutting into squares.

(I didn't make the frosting as it's not vegan, but I posted it as it was part of the recipe)

Frustration!!!

OK, need to vent. Why in the he!! has my HS not been sent to CIS yet? The HS that was approved three weeks ago!! When I called my social worker 2 weeks ago to ask why I hadn't gotten my notarized copy in the mail he said he would send it right out to me. I gave it another week and nothing. Then last week I was still waiting and no phone call, no email, no explanation. Last week was crazy with getting strep throat and my mother going into the hospital so I was a bit run down and distracted so I just called him and left him a nasty message on his answering machine. Seriously, WTF?! That is three weeks wasted and that's not including the two or three weeks we wasted because he was so impossible to reach when he insisted we have "the conversation"! I am so pissed. I am FUMING over here! Six frickin' weeks!!! I could have received my 171H by now.

I feel like crying..

It's Friday the 13th. I got diagnosed with strep throat AGAIN. Waaah. How on earth does a single parent get to rest with a child?!

Thanks for all the suggestions for recipes! Last night I had an surprising burst of energy so I decided to do some cooking. First I made my favorite taco soup recipe but with some interesting substitutions.

I used some fake meat and I omitted the Hidden Valley Ranch. I tasted it while it was cooking and it wasn't bad. I'm not sure if I will like the toppings but I'm keeping an open mind.


While that was cooking I made the Tikil Gomen recipe from Rachel's blog. It took forever. Well, I'm not a fan of taking more than 20 minutes to prepare a meal--and that's from start to finish including all prep-- and this took closer to an hour. Forever is 60 minutes of cooking in my world. I was tired by the time it was done--and in all fairness I had just prepared another dinner right before--but it was so worth it! Yum! I popped open an O'Doul's and ate a big bowl. :-) The picture doesn't look that great, but trust me it's delicious! Now I need to figure out what to do with the other head of cabbage I bought. I was thinking I would double the recipe but the one head made this gigantic pot full.

At this rate I will be eating taco soup and Tikil Gomen all month! Julia sent me this recipe for black bean and chocolate chili which I want to try but I can't eat chocolate now cause of the dairy. I am wondering if carob would be a good substitute or if maybe I can somehow use cocoa powder?

As challenging as this vegan thing is I have to say that I feel a lot better when I eat this way. When I go hog wild on Sundays and fill my body with meat and dairy products and junk food and other processed crap I pay for it on Monday and Tuesdays. It's really been eye-opening. I am not completely surprised though because once when I was living in California I did a 3-day stint of only eating fruits and vegetables. I didn't even allow myself a grain of salt or a sip of tea. It was all pure, all natural, all organic for three days. Day 1 wasn't bad as I was caught up in the excitement of the whole thing. Day 2 I was hungry and miserable. Day 3 I was really, really hungry but I had never felt better in my whole life. I had so much energy and I felt so freakin' good. I felt like brand new person! Day 4 I went right back to my old habits because it was too rigid but if I could recapture that feeling with a diet that allows me to eat chocolate chip cookies and wine a modified version I would be open to it. It's worth the trade off I believe. I just need more recipes! Actually, next recipes on the list include: mushroom stroganoff, vegan brownies and Oreo cake (for Sunday!)

Well, it's almost lunch time and I am home today so I guess it's taco soup and tikil gomen!

**update ~ I was not feeling the vegan version of the taco soup :(

Cooking Woes

I am having some serious cooking issues. Dinner is a challenge! Here are the problems:

1. I don't like to cook.
2. My microwave died some months ago.
3. I gave up meat and dairy.

So, in the past I might have done one of the following:

1. Stop and pick up something already prepared like pizza (nope. no dairy.) or chicken (nope. no meat.)
2. Pop a frozen meal into the microwave (nope. no can do.)
3. Pour a glass of wine and take the time to whip something up (nope. no wine. have to suffer through the entire cooking process with hot tea or a tall glass of water. boring.)

I had just gotten into my crock pot and fallen in love with two simple recipes. One with chicken, apricot jam, thousand island dressing and onion soup mix. OMG. Could not be any tastier. But nope. And the taco soup I made a couple of weeks ago I loved but somehow I don't think would be the same without the turkey, sour cream and cheese. Darn.

What's a lazy, food-loving, Lent-observing gal to do? I have been eating more salads. That's a plus. I throw on some croutons and nuts and dried cranberries to make them more interesting. But sometimes you just want a hot meal. Especially since it's been in the teens! So I am forced to come up with some new dishes that don't have meat or dairy and it's hard!

I often skip the cookbook and try to whip something up from the top of my head. Like the black bean burrito I whipped up last week. I started with a package of dried black beans and cooked them myself. They were bland, bland, bland so I added some sauteed onions and bbq sauce. Better. Then I rolled them in a whole wheat tortilla with some rice cheese (not sure how I feel about that) and avocado. They were actually quite good.

Last night I tried my hand at Thai curry. That was a joke. I don't suggest trying to make curry without a recipe. It looks good, right?

Yeah, not so much. Let me tell you it does not taste anything like Thai restaurant food even with the coconut milk and curry. (And I've never been to Thailand but I sincerely doubt it even comes close to the country's worst chef.) Now don't get me wrong, I ate it --but I think it needed some fish sauce or lemongrass or something to make it more authentic but who has those items lying around the kitchen? Not I.

So, can anyone give me some ideas?! The whole vegan diet thing is really starting to grate. Between the diet restrictions and not being able to have a glass of wine and the daggone dossier paperwork getting on my nerves I am starting to go crazy over here! Can someone post a tasty, easy to prepare recipe or a link to a recipe to make the next 32 days go more smoothly? I would really appreciate some help! :-)

Yay! Snow!

I woke up and checked the forecast.
Yes! The predictions were correct!
I love being a teacher!


I made some fresh-squeezed o.j.

and hit the blogs.

It's going to be a good day.

Btw, I've lost 7 pounds and I finally got an email from my SW saying he did change my homestudy the way I wanted. :-)