Good Job

I am amazed at all that was taught at Almi's daycare. She knows so much for her age, especially being a second language learner. I can definitely praise them for this. I am so proud of her. Here she is entertaining herself one afternoon with an old calendar:



I do think, though, that the focus on academics meant they didn't get enough time to play. Play is so important for children this age. Play is their work. In play, children can develop their social skills, their language and their imaginations. They can learn how to solve problems, negotiate and reason. Through play they can explore, manipulate, experiment and create. In her current daycare, their outdoor play time amounted to about an hour a day and with everything she has learned I imagine a large chunk of their day was focused on sitting and learning. As happy as I am with all she has learned, I know there is a lot of room for growth and development. She hasn't had enough opportunities to discover things on her own and she doesn't get enough time to be active. As a parent, I could have certainly filled in these gaps, but being a busy-single-impatient-over extended-exhausted-preparing-to-move-overseas parent, I haven't had the time to provide this for her and I feel badly about that. I am also 100% positive with more physical activity and a more diverse daily schedule her behavior will also improve. (By the way, no one looked at me sideways when they saw me Monday morning and when I brought it up to a few people they all said it was totally normal toddler behavior and that they didn't even really notice. Ha! That was nice of them. But in retrospect I do think that she was just having fun and it got out of control. And that I need to not be so uptight).

On my end I am going to enroll her in sports in the fall. I don't know what's available but I am leaning towards soccer, gymnastics and swimming. In addition, we will be at the pool and beach a lot and out walking around and exploring our new surrounding together. It will be good for both of us. Meanwhile, her new school subscribes to a play-based philosophy so she will be exposed to so many new things. I am thrilled! Included in her weekly schedule are the following activities:

clay & dough
drawing
collage
painting
blocks
role play/drama
reading/books
singing
dance
water play
sand play
physical play

I am beyond ready to get her into a different school environment and I feel so fortunate to have this opportunity. I hope this new schedule will help with her behavior and with her sleep. She has decided that going to sleep is no fun and is now getting only about 9 or 10 hours (including nap) down from 12 or 13. I am sure the need for sleep is an integral factor. Next week starts the summer program at the daycare where there are field trips and more creative activities and outdoor play. It will be interesting to see if this new schedule helps.

What kind of school setting do you (or did you) have your three year old in? Do you think it impacted his/her behavior or sleep? Do you use Melatonin or can you recommend a natural sleep aid?

Well, It Seemed Like it Was Going to be Fun

Part 1

Last night was her awards ceremony. I figured there would be a performance. I was looking forward to it all week. Her teachers said to dress her in a white dress and party shoes. She didn't have a white dress so my mom and I did a quick run to the thrift store and found a new dress with the tags still on it for $10. It had some pink on it but hoped it would be fine. I dropped it off at school with her party shoes and some white socks.

The performance was to start at 3:45. I got there about ten minutes early and the room was already packed. I found a seat and sat down and started chatting with some of the parents when the director called me over. "Ms. E made a boo boo," she said "come out in the hallway so I can speak with you." Gulp. What did that mean? I nervously stepped into the hallway where she informed me that I was printed in the program as being a presenter of the academic awards. Um, excuse me? "Yeah, Ms. E forgot to tell you." Uh, yeah, she did. I was in jeans and a T shirt, no make up and my hair was having a field day with all the humidity!! A presenter?? I glanced at the program and was daunted by the last names on the program in front of me: Mulugeta? Bierne? Sarkozy-Banoczy??? I had no idea how to pronounce some of them! I went back to the room to find some of the parents to ask them how to say their children's names (didn't want to mispronounce it for all the videos that were being taken) and tried to smooth my hair down as best I could. Then a whole crop of new questions came up in my mind: Was I handing out awards? Where did they want me to stand? Did they want the applause held to the end? I stood up to go out and find the director but at that moment the 2 year old class came filing in. The program was ready to begin.

Part 2

So cute. The two year old class went first. They sang songs and were just adorable, of course. Almi sang a little bit.



But she also frowned. And talked. And ran around. And left her seat to come find me in the crowd. Several times. And I was OK with that. She is only 3 after all. But that was just the beginning... (and I don't know why they took off her white socks.. but that was the least of my concerns I discovered)

Then there were the awards. First I got up to give the awards for the three year old classroom (turns out all I had to do was read names and I think I avoided butchering most of them) and that was fine. Sure, she hopped out of her seat at the end and grabbed my leg but that was fine. Kind of cute, even. Then they recognized the parent volunteers. Then someone else stood up and gave awards to the two year old classroom. She got several!

She got awards for:

* I Know the Alphabet
* I Know How to Spell My Name
* I Know How to Count to Ten
* I Know How to Count in Spanish

Instead of sitting with all the other children though, she jumped up and down and made noises the whole time. She suddenly was not shy. In fact, she was front and center and in everyone's videos. Her teacher tried to get her to sit. I tried to get her to sit. She was having none of it.

Oh, what else, you ask? Let's see. She took the mike and started singing into it. She danced wildly while the other kids sat quietly. She and another child starting hitting each other.



At the end of the program the director of the whole school got up to thank the families and the teachers. This is a quiet, religious man and he always interjects God and faith and gratitude. Everyone was quiet and listening intently to his words... oh, everyone except Almi. She continued her antics. But this time it was very hard for everyone to hear. She was loud. She refused to sit in her chair. She refused to sit with Ms. E. She refused to sit with me. She wasn't listening to anything either of us said and it was hard for everyone to hear. "Please take your daughter on your lap," I heard her teacher say. I tried but she was squirmy. And then she started saying, "I want to get down!!" in a loud voice, so in respect of all the other families I threw my daughter over my shoulder and carried her out of the program kicking and screaming and crying.

Part 3

I was embarrassed. Yes, it was hot and yes she gets overwhelmed with crowds and being on center stage and she thinks she's being cute and funny. I know, I know, she's three and you can't predict or control toddler behavior all the time and to her she was just having fun for the most part. It was my turn I guess, but W.O.W. She sure chose a terrible time to do it! Did she have to do it in front of all those parents???!!! Man. I couldn't even go back into her classroom to face everyone. And I had whispered in her ear that she better settle down or we were leaving and I had to follow through. So we left. Didn't collect her awards, didn't have any cake, didn't celebrate with the families. Instead we went home. Later Ms. E called me on the phone. "What is going on with our girl?" she asked. "Ever since turning three she is not listening! I tried to get her to sit and she would not." "I know, I told her, me too. Sorry". We chatted for awhile and then she said that I left before the parent volunteer awards so I didn't get mine. "No, I was there for that," I told her. "Oh," she said, "well I guess we forgot to mention you but yours is here on the desk. You have been very involved, bringing things for the parties and at the Halloween parade and at the Christmas party. We wanted to recognize you." "Thanks," I told her and shortly afterwards we hung up. Wow, I didn't even get public recognition after that spectacle. Oh well.

The plan was for Almi to go to Chuck E. Cheese with a colleague that night so I could get some packing done but I told her I couldn't in good conscience send her out for pizza and games after her choices. I didn't want her to get mixed messages so instead we stayed home.

And there you have it. The Awards Ceremony. I sure hope this isn't foreshadowing for her entire third year!
.........................................................................

Please tell me what your children have done to embarrass you? Someone's gotta have a story to top mine! And what would you do at drop off on Monday? Apologize, laugh about it or pretend it didn't happen? Feel bad for me? Vote for my blog at Circle of Moms. Placing in the top 25 would make me feel better! :) Thanks!

It's Been a Very Busy Few Days

This week has been jam packed! I haven't done a thing towards our move because there was so much else going on. Every day was busy! Every single day. I have had very little sleep.
The week started out with celebrating her birthday. And we had family in town. And then there was my surprise going away party for me at work. And report cards were due. And her end of the year awards ceremony. Whew! It's been crazy!

When her birthday finally rolled around, she was an old pro with blowing out candles and singing her age and all of that! Here is my cutie pie on her way to school with the cookies for her friends. I'm lovin' the Mary Jane's, tiara and band aid!I think I can show three fingers, Mama.

Yes, there. I'm three!

Grandma really wanted to come into town to celebrate her youngest grandchild turning three. It was so sweet seeing them together. She insisted that Grandma sit in the backseat with her and hold hands. Awww...

Before going into the daycare to sing Happy Birthday to her and share the cookies with the her classmates, Grandma came into my classroom to read one of her books to my Kindergartners. They were so excited to have a real author visit!

Then we headed down the hall for the birthday celebration. I think Almi was overwhelmed with seeing Grandma in her daycare cause she had a meltdown. Seeing her with her classmates and hearing them sing to her was cute, but I admit, was quite disappointed that she wouldn't sing 'I'm three years old' for the video. Which leads me ask this question. Does turning three mean you officially stop listening to your parents and your teachers? Seriously. I'm just wondering cause it has been downhill ever since.

After school we went out to dinner: Almi, Grandma, her Godmother Ayanna, and I. She wanted pizza for dinner so we that's what we did. Her lovely behavior continued in the restaurant. Sigh. She was not listening. Again. Luckily, when she had her pizza she calmed down and was happy. She even proved to us she can sing how old she is. Loudly. Very, very loudly. LOL



After dinner we went home. There were more presents.

And a cute card where Almi knew which bunny she was and which were Grandma and Grandpa.

Then there was more cake. This time an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins. She (we) loved it!



Later on in the week Uncle C was here to see the munchkin. Love seeing them together!

And last night my colleagues threw a surprise going away party for me! Man, they are really awesome. We had a ball. We had dinner and wine and lots of laughter. They even surprised me with two awesome gifts. A gift card for the Apple Store and iTunes for me and an adorable backpack filled with toys and games to entertain her on the flight! How incredibly thoughtful is that?!

Tonight was her award ceremony at school. I cringe with embarrassment thinking about it. Let's just say the drama there deserves its own post. Can I tell you how glad I am that Friday is here?! Mama needs a big goblet of wine!!!

I Need Your Help! Please Advise!

Ok, I am turning to the blogosphere because I am way too stressed to try to figure this out and it's not coming to me easily.

Do I resign from my job or take a leave of absence?

Option A - resign

1. I have until July 15th to let them know.
2. I give up my tenure and position.
3. I have to find insurance coverage from July 15-July 25 when my new insurance kicks in.
4. I'd have to reapply when I return and due to budget constraints, there may not be any openings.

Option B - take a leave of absence

1. I have to tell them on Monday.
2. My insurance will be available until the end of any month I state (so for me, July 31)
3. My tenure will remain intact.
4. When I return to the district, a position at my current school is not guaranteed, but a position in my certification area is and I will be at the top of the hiring pool and get priority.

Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Not so much.

I must factor in Almi's readoption. I am still waiting for some fingerprints to come back and then there's the issue of her missing adoption paperwork. My attorney said I am only the second client in 20 years that he has worked with who had lost the paperwork. He said everything should be fine and the readoption should be completed before I leave.

That makes me nervous. There is a small possibility that it won't be completed and I will have to renege on my contract. If that happens, here is what happens with options A and B.

Option A - resign

I won't have to resign until July 15th. I will know by then if things went through or not. If they don't, then I won't resign and I will return to my great school and Almi can return to the daycare that she knows and loves.

Option B - take a leave of absence

Since I would have informed them of this on May 23, my position at my current school will be filled and I will go into the pool with all the other transfer applicants and have to find a new job. My school district is big and I could end up with a very long commute. I would try to keep her in her current daycare but that may not be possible. I could end up with an expensive daycare situation and teaching any grade up to grade 8 due to my certification even though I teach Kindergaten now.

Having to reneg on my contract would be bad enough. My new school will be angry, my new nanny will be out of a job, I will likely have to repay them for the $4000 plane tickets they purchased, etc. but I could also have a very stressful commute, a new grade level and expensive daycare near my new place of employment.

Suddenly, the leave of absence isn't looking so appealing.

What would you do??? Please help! Option A or B?

Show and Tell Day

Every Friday Almi has Show and Tell. I wish I could be there to hear what she shares! Last week she was so excited to bring her "piddow" to school. It was too cute and funny to tell her no.





I cracked up when I saw her holding him in her carseat. Silly girl!

Too Busy to Post..

.. this daily April posting thing is hard!..but I wanted to say thank you for all the supportive comments! Yes, maybe you are right. Maybe I am being too hard on myself. She is only 2. Well, 2yrs.10 months but technically still 2 (and I'm holding on to that age as long as possible... she is growing up WAY too fast!!)

I think the fact that I am doing this solo means I probably get more fed up or lose my patience more than couples or singles with family or help because they get a break from it. Here, it's all me, all the time. (But not for long! Soon, my new nanny Donna will be around to help out!)

And, one more thing, yes, her report card is totally lame. There is a long checklist where she can get a 1,2,3 or a 4 but the comments are seriously lacking. I was really, really disappointed when I first saw it last fall because as a new parent I was hanging on every word of teachers. I was so looking forward to getting a lengthy report card full of anecdotes and quotes and tidbits on my girl, giving me an insight into the day that I was missing but not so much. It was especially hard because I used to teach preschool and we did just that. The report cards were narratives, 3 pages long, full of information and the parent-teacher conferences were 45 minutes long! Great for the parents.

Almi's school? Nope, no such luck. But that school where I taught came with a hefty tuition fee. The 3 day a week half day program (8:30a.-12pm) will set you back $16,960! Seriously. And full day for preschool? A staggering $26,810. You better provide a 3 page narrative and 45 minute parent teacher conference for that! Meanwhile, Almi's full day program (7am-6pm) only costs me $285/wk. Ridiculously low for this area. I can't expect too much for that. Yeah, the report card sucks but I can't expect to get what high-end private schools provide. She's learning a lot, her teachers love her and most importantly she is happy to go each day. I mean, seriously. Look at that face!!

It's Good I Have Thick Skin...

No, actually I'm just too busy to get upset.

My daughter's teacher has said a few things to me that could cut you like a knife if you were the sensitive type. OK, I am totally and overwhelmingly the sensitive type so it's clear that I'm just be too busy to think much about it.

You know how she spent the night at her house a couple of weeks ago? Well we are planning for another overnight next weekend so she and I have been preparing Almi. Not that she needs it cause she had a grand old time. Ms. E keeps asking her, "You want to go to Ms. E's house?" to remind her how she went before. Well, the other day when I was dropping her off Ms. E said to me with a chuckle, "I asked Naomi, 'You want to go home with Mommy or Ms. E?' and I couldn't believe it she said Ms. E!" Ouch, I thought but I kind of laughed along with her and said something like, "Good, let me know when!" Later on that day it started to bother me. Chalk it up to the insecurities you get with having an adopted child. Gosh, is she happier hanging out with Ethiopian people instead of home with me? Am I not a fun enough Mommy? Am I too hard on her? Are we not doing enough fun things? Is she having attachment issues? Or the dreaded thought that you can't keep from thinking, Does she not love me? Those flippant comments can really eat you up!!

But then I started thinking about it more. Of course she wants to go back! Ms. E and her extended family gave her all the milk and crackers and juice that she wanted. Ms. E's niece was there and the two of played and played and played some more. She didn't go to bed until 11:30! Ms. E wasn't laundry, washing dishes, making Almi wait around for dinner to be prepared, etc. She was just one of many adults around and Almi had a playmate so she was constantly entertained. (Oh, and I forgot this tidbit which stung at the time: When I picked her up after that overnight, Ms. E said, "When she woke up in the morning she did not ask for you, not one time. And when I asked her if she wanted to call you she said, 'No!' I couldn't believe that little girl.)

When she made the same comment as above the other day I was totally fine with it and I fully meant when I said, "Great! Let's plan another overnight visit!!" I'm happy that Almi is happy there. Ms. E treats her like family and we are very blessed to have her for a teacher.

Meanwhile, though, this other comment she said didn't roll off my back so quickly. I have been having difficulty with Almi's behavior. I haven't blogged about it too much because I am not sure if it is typical two year old behavior or is it just her personality. I also wonder if it's a result of my parenting or does it stem from her diet, vaccinations or antibiotics. But suffice it to say that she can be difficult with a capital D. It pretty much started this summer when she turned two. Before that she was the sweetest, most compliant baby. She was so happy all the time so I initially chalked up the radical change to her being in the terrible twos. But, again, when you are an adoptive parent so many other things creep into your mind. Are these behaviors due to attachment issues? Is she grieving? And then add to that my growing knowledge of nutrition and wellness, well I don't know if her acting out is related to other outside factors. Man, did I cause this? Should I have said no to antibiotics for her ear infections? Should I have held my ground and not vaccinated her? Am I feeding her the wrong things? Parenting is the most guilt inducing and producing profession, I am sure of that!!!

So, I picked her up the other day and Ms. E says, "I don't know what's going on with your child." Ugh. No parent wants to hear those words. "She comes in and won't say hi or smile to nobody. Everybody say, 'Good morning Naomi' and she won't say hello and looks so angry." Well, she's right about that and it bothers me to no end! I know she's only two but it is impolite. But it's also not something that children often do. I know some kids come in to class in a bad mood for whatever reason and take a while to warm up, but Almi will be fine in the car going over there but as soon as she walks in the door she gets grouchy and won't speak. It drives me crazy! And she knows it drives us crazy so she continues to do it.

But the comment really hurt me because I take it personally, like I am not raising a happy child or I am raising an impolite child.

And then she went on. "And she won't listen. All day long she tell us no. (preaching to the choir, sister) When she gets up from her nap we tell her to go potty and she says no and cries and cries. When we tell her to clean up she cries." She gave another example or two and then gave me with a confused and frustrated look.

I didn't know what to tell her because she can be that way at home as well. When she gets up in the morning she refuses to go potty. She can wake up dry and it's still a battle sometimes to get her to go to the bathroom before we go to school. Same with getting dressed. She is just oppositional for no apparent reason. This morning she was in time out because she was screaming and fighting me to not take off her pajamas. I am getting better at reasoning with her now that she has more language. I can tell her as she's fighting me about putting on her coat at day care pick up that she won't get any books at bedtime if she continues and she will acquiesce. And I have just started to be able to use a two minute warning so she knows what's to come. Like "Almi, two more minutes of Elmo and then Mommy's going to turn off the TV" and that is helping.

But the daily battles to get dressed, go potty, not run down the street when getting in and out of the car, hold my hand in a parking lot, eat certain foods, let me brush her teeth, etc. are frustrating. Luckily there are certain things she rarely fights me on. Those include putting on the clothes I choose, taking a bath, and going to sleep once I shut the door and walk away. So I can't complain too much.

But when the teacher attributes it to something being wrong with my child, well I can't lie. That cuts to the bone.

Binge Eating with Toddlers?

I am too tired and annoyed to write about this in detail but I wanted to share this: Naomi came home from daycare yesterday and refused to eat her dinner. Then, while sitting in her high chair, she threw up. I took her upstairs and gave her a bath and the next thing I knew she was asking to go to bed. It was 6:00! She has never done that before and I knew she wasn't feeling well so I put her to bed. Around 8 she started whimpering so I went in to check on her and she had thrown up again. Poor thing. I gave her another bath, changed her sheets and put her back down.

This is the thing. I am sure she did it because she overate at the Valentine's Day party. The sign up sheet for parent contributions was ridiculous! They wanted us to bring chips, cheez curlz, fruit cups, cookies, cupcakes and juice! I mean seriously, WHY were they serving them so much food?! I was horrified so I brought in a banana and asked them to serve it to her at the party. She loves bananas and it was my way of reminding them that I don't like her to be given massive amounts of junk food. Just add this to her plate instead of the cupcake or something so she eats less junk, I requested.

Well, not only did they not do that (her banana was still there at pick up) but they also didn't monitor her eating. She obviously ate and ate and ate herself sick. I am so frustrated! They had no business feeding them all that crap to begin with but then to let the kids eat as much as they want?

I realize they may not be mindful of my daughter's eating issues during a party. I mean, they know she can eat a lot but perhaps they were distracted or didn't care since it was a party. And to their defense, most kids will probably stop when full. But the fact of the matter is, sometimes they may not and in this situation they allowed a two year old to eat so much she threw up and that pisses me off.

Naomi's eating is beginning to concern me more and more. I have blogged about this before. Naomi eats a lot and she doesn't seem to know the feeling of being satiated. She will keep eating and eating and eating--more than me if I let her. People keep telling me she is a "growing girl" or not to worry but that she has a "healthy appetite" but my mother's intuition is making me think there is more to it. I haven't done much reading on the subject, but I do know that binge eating isn't uncommon for older children or children going through attachment issues. But does this happen with toddlers?

Maybe I am making too much out of it but I am still concerned. Does anyone have any experience with this? Can anyone suggest where I can go to get more information on this type of behavior? Or maybe there are some toddler experts out there who can explain to me about toddler eating habits and assure me that this is normal.

In the meantime, I will continue to provide her healthy foods that won't upset me as much if she overeats... but come on. Even healthy foods need to be restricted at some point. She could eat an entire jar of applesauce or 4 bananas if I didn't stop her.

Thanksgiving Performance

Her daycare planned a lunch and invited the parents. I had no idea there was also going to be a performance! They sang two songs. One was called I'm a Little Turkey. I don't know all the lyrics but the last line they said with their hands joined in prayer was, "please don't eat me on Thanksgiving Day". They were SO adorable and she did a great job! She participated and smiled and was just ridiculously cute. Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera but I asked another parent to take a few pics of my pumpkin and thankfully she agreed.


Aw, my little turkey! Cutie pie.

First Conference

I had my first parent/teacher conference on Friday. It was supposed to be a 15 minute conference but I held her captive for 45 minutes getting every detail I possibly could about my child. :)

She said Almi is popular and smart and happy! Wow. Does it get any better than that? She said she is the second smartest in the class but also the second youngest. She picks up concepts quickly for her age, with only 2-3 exposures. They have been working on letters A-F, numbers 1-6, circle, oval, triangle, rectangle, square, star and the colors pink, red, yellow, brown, blue, green. They also work on fine motor skills like coloring and cutting. She said overall her progress is excellent. I am so proud of her! One funny anecdote, they are learning the letters in their name and she said she put NAOMI in front of her and asked her to identify the letters. She said Almi said, "M-A-oval-M-I" How cute is that?! She said she plays alone but also with other children. She is no longer stealing kids' food or taking food out of the trashcan. She is really focused when they are learning new things, scrunching her face up and concentrating hard. She likes listening to stories and is very affectionate. Here is a quote her teacher said (you know during the conference I was frantically scribbling things down!) "Naomi is playful and funloving. She is happy. Every day she surprises me (with what she has learned). I'm so happy."

She had three concerns: The first one is biting. She said she gets frustrated when kids take her things (still working on sharing) and twice Ms. Edse caught her about to bite a child. This needs to be nipped in the bud and her teacher is working on it, thankfully, because she can get kicked out for biting! Another concern she had was she said it appears to her that one of Almi's legs is kind of bent in. Although she runs without falling, she said she noticed it when she runs. I hadn't noticed but I am going to look into that. Her other concern is speech! Just like her doctor, she said she is concerned about it-- and not in the learning a second language way. She said it appears to be more of an issue with articulation. Interesting. That's two professionals who have expressed concerns about that (her teacher and her pediatrician) so I am now certainly going to look into that. She said in her opinion two years old is too young for speech therapy and for the most part she is able to understand her because she is with her every day (me as well) but it is definitely something I should watch.

As I have mentioned before, her teacher is Ethiopian. We briefly touched on her adoption and I shared a bit of her history and spoke about all the orphaned children in Ethiopia and her teacher started crying! She is such a sweet person and clearly cares for my daughter. We are very blessed.

Happy All the Way Around

When they told me Naomi's report card was in her cubby and to not forget to take it home, can I tell you that I got nervous? What were they going to say? Who are these people that are going to judge my child? I also was initially annoyed that she even gets a report card at two but I asked them if it was more of a developmental checklist and they said yes which made me relieved but then nervous all over again and relieved and nervous and all my thoughts started running together andgettingalljumbled! hahaha

So, here it is. In my kitchen. My daughter's first report card. My daughter. Her first report card. This whole thing is so strange. I still look at her and get amazed that I even have a daughter and then I get hit on the head with things like school pictures and report cards and get shocked back into the reality of this life that I have. So odd. I wonder when I will totally feel normal about all of this!? But I digress.

It is three pages of checklists, most of which I agree with. I breathed a sigh of relief when I reached the last page and there wasn't anything disturbing or upsetting. Some of the language things she is having more difficulty with, understandably. It reminded me that some of my exhaustion and frustrations that we encounter are mostly centered around language acquisition. When I am reminded that most two year olds can speak in sentences and express themselves clearly I don't feel so bad about how she acts sometimes or how I sometimes feel. When I am reminded that she has only been learning English for eight months I am more patient when she doesn't do as I say or cries when I wouldn't expect her to. Sometimes she may just not understand!

To read that she is a "very happy and cheerful child" makes me feel so good inside because I know that she is generally a happy kiddo even if she is going through her crying bouts. I am tremendously happy to read that she is happy when I am not with her. I'm happy that others are able to see that side of her. I am also very happy to read that she grasps new ideas quickly. And in that order. Sure, I want her to grasp new ideas quickly, of course! But her happiness is what is most important to me and am happy--no thrilled!!-- to read that she is.

Mommy's proud of you little girl!

My pumpkin before school today.
How cute is this Tommy Hilfiger dress I picked up for her at the thrift store for $4?

Breakfast Time

Her Teacher

Almi's teacher is Ethiopian. I love that. They connect in a special way and Almi loves her. One cool thing is she tells me when Almi is using her Amharic. Since we keep "ishy" alive in our house I wasn't surprised to hear she still says that, but what did surprise me is she still says "ow" and "ay" (yes and no). If she hadn't done this in front of me the other day, I might not have believed it but Ms. Essie asked her if she had to go potty and she said, "Ow." I had no idea she remembered these words! I never say them because I can never remember which is which! How does she remember those from six months ago?! She amazes me.

Tears

Dropping my little girl off at 7:00am and picking her up at 6:00 is no fun. I'm sorry, but leaving her with strangers and spending the day with other people's children doesn't make any sense. All we have time for is dinner and bath and bed. Very little time to play and interact with each other and I miss her! I cried tonight because she was a bit cranky and I feel guilty because I think having her in daycare is to blame. She needs more sleep but it's hard to get her to bed before 7:45. I hate rushing her in the mornings but I need my a.m. planning time. Tonight I picked her up and she was spotless. No art projects today I guess. And no playing outside either, apparently. What are they doing all day in that small room?! I want her to be able to run around in the sunshine and have fun!! She's only 2.

It will get better. Soon I will be able to pick her up earlier and take her to the park or do something fun after school. The beginning of the school year is just so busy and even more so with a new job so I need to put in the time but it makes me so sad for her. For us. I want to be the one teaching her new things and potty training her and seeing her bright eyes when she excited or comforting her when she's hurt. :(

I believe her Ethiopian teacher cares about her and they all tell me how happy and verbal and how good she is and I know as a teacher kids like that are easier to be nice to so I am not too worried about how she's being treated, but I really wish there was some way that I could stay home with her and teach her everything she needs to know. At least until she's verbal enough to tell me about her day. Now I am left to speculate and wonder if she's having fun.

Back to School Night is next Friday and I look forward to hearing more about their program. I did find out she goes to the media center, PE and music class (M,W,F) so that's nice. And I like being able to drop in unexpectedly throughout the day to see what she's doing, but nothing would be better than having her home with me.

God, can you please send me my rich husband soon so I can quit my job and be a stay at home mom? I have been very patient. Thank you. Amen.

One Week Left

... of vacation that is. So sad. It seriously flew by!! I created a list and barely got to check anything off. But, I am happy to say that the basement will be ready by the end of the month and I may be able to get a renter in there by Sept. 1. The appliances won't be delivered until the 28th but everything else should be done by tomorrow. Today they laid the new tiles and tomorrow they will finish that and all the last finishing touches. I haven't even listed it yet and I have two people expressing interest... and the best part??? The rent will pay half my mortgage! Woot!


I have one more week to get things together and I am pretty hopeful that I can accomplish mostly everything. So that's good.

In daycare news, I finally made a decision. I am going with the new site. It was a really hard decision. Remember the pros and cons? My biggest concern with leaving the old site is how her transition is going to be. That still worries me. When she is home with me all the time she is happy, easy-going, pleasant, obedient and rarely cries. I believe it's because she's comfortable and feels safe. On vacation, for comparison, she was whiny and clingy, cried a lot, shouted "No!" a lot and was throwing things and not sleeping well. (When she first got home from Ethiopia she used to cry in her sleep and she was doing that on vacation, too. I don't know why for sure but I have my suspicions.) Now that she is back with me she is sweet and a joy to be around. I worry that she is going to go back to her hitting and defiance and crying. I really, really want her to be happy. But, in the end I decided that if she is in school right down the hall from my classroom I can keep tabs on her but also the space, the other children and I can keep tabs on her teachers as well. I can look in at any time and they know that. Not to mention the principal has a two year old daughter as well in the same class so I am sure they are going to be doing their best. Someone left a really helpful comment when I posted about this before which was once I make my decision to throw all my energy into making it the best place possible for her/for us and that is what I intend to do.

(on our way to register this morning)

My biggest concerns about the new place were that it seemed too academic and the teachers/curriculum weren't terribly impressive but those worries have been laid to rest. Listen to what happened as I was driving over there to register her today! Early this morning there was a huge rainstorm and as I was driving over there I noticed there were power outages and trees down and other debris in the road. It made me realize how much more relaxed I will be if she is right in my building if, God forbid, anything serious were to happen. It's kind of hard to see from this picture, but this was a very mature tree and it was completely uprooted!!


I worry about her so much so having her right down the hall (yes, the daycare is on the kindergarten hallway!) will ease my fears. I can go check on her at any time and they can find me if needed. So, we get there and I register her and I ask the director if they have selected the teachers yet for her classroom. He said, "Yes. Ms. Essy and Ms. Rosa and I think you will be happy to learn that Ms. Essy is Ethiopian." I am telling you, this is all falling into place! An Ethiopian teacher?! I asked if I could meet her and the next thing I knew I was speaking to a lovely, warm 40-something woman who shared she's been teaching for 11 years and who Almi took to right away. I got a really good feeling from her. She was telling me about the other ages she has taught and she said she used to teach the "academic threes" but she likes being with the two year olds because there is a mix of academic work but also time for art and music and play. I swear, it's as if all my prayers were answered, I tell you. I am now pretty happy about the placement and Almi seemed to really, really like her and she won't be a complete stranger when she sees her next week. I asked Ms. Essy to speak to her in Amharic to see if she remembered any. She did and there seemed to be a glimmer of recognition in Almi's eyes, like it sounded comforting and familiar but she didn't respond in Amharic. However, like I said, she seemed to really like her so I am extremely relieved and happy about that. I really feel comfortable about my decision. And of course I'm thrilled to have it be less expensive on top of everything else!

Now the only thing I have to figure out is who is watching her for the first three days of work. We are due to report on August 19th but the daycare isn't going to be open until 23rd or 24th. Hmmmm.. You know what? I'm just going to assume that this will be taken care of as well.

Behavior, Attachment and Daycare. Oh My!

For a minute there I thought my daughter had perfected whining. It was becoming her normal voice but thankfully it has become less frequent. I think the increase in hitting, acting out and whining were all related to a recent ear infection and thankfully even though she does occasionally misbehave when she's feeling well, she is for the most part a very sweet girl. Yes, she's two and behaviors like that are to be expected, but as an adopted child I am always on the look out for other reasons behind her behaviors.

I posted that video on her hitting cause I wanted to document it. We have worked on it and she rarely does it now but I'm glad I had my camera available when it happened. I wondered if all children went through a stage of hitting. She never hit me before she went into daycare so I wondered if it was a learned behavior, developmental or something else? For one, it was a good lesson to me that no matter how good of a parent I think I am, no matter how great my classroom management is as a teacher, no matter how well-behaved my preschool students were in the classroom, no matter how many times I shook my head when I saw other people's children acting up -- it all changes when you are a parent. They test you. Children test you. Period.

But I also wonder all the time how much of this is adoption related so I have been rereading articles on attachment this week. If I compare what we experienced in Ethiopia to what we are experiencing now, I would say in the most simplest of terms that she was not attached then but she is now. But I can't really be sure. Friends comment on our great attachment. But as the excerpts below indicate, a child may look attached and not actually be.

Children who are adopted after the age of 6 months are at risk for attachment problems. Normal attachment develops during the child's first two years of life. Problems with the mother-child relationship during that time, orphanage experience, or breaks in the consistent caregiver-child relationship interfere with the normal development of attachment. There are a wide range of attachment problems that result in varying degrees of emotional disturbance in the child. One thing is certain; if an infant's needs are not met consistently, in a loving, nurturing way, attachment will not occur normally. When the first-year-of-life attachment-cycle is undermined and the child’s needs are not met, and normal socializing shame is not resolved, mistrust begins to define the perspective of the child and attachment problems result. The cycle can become undermined or broken for many reasons:

· Multiple disruptions in care giving
·Post-partum depression causing an emotionally unavailable mother
· Hospitalization of the child causing separation from the parent and/or unrelieved pain
· Parents who are attachment disordered, leading to neglect, abuse (physical/sexual/verbal), or inappropriate parental responses not leading to a secure/predictable relationship
· Genetic factors
· Pervasive developmental disorders
· Caregivers whose attachment needs are not met, leading to overload and lack of awareness of the infants needs

My daughter has been with me since she was 21 months of age. But before that she had multiple care givers and lived in several different places. She lived with her biological mother for quite some time and from what I read about her story I wouldn't be surprised if her mother suffered from post-partum depression. I don't doubt for a minute that her mother loved/loves her, but the circumstances were extremely difficult and if one is considering adoption I imagine you might try to keep some emotional distance between you and your child. I can't speak for her and since my agency doesn't facilitate introductions between bio and birth families I never got the opportunity to meet her and talk to her unfortunately, so I can only speculate about the level of attachment they experienced.

After relinquishment, Almi experienced multiple care givers until I came into her life in March. I have been consistently in her life since then, but she was in an orphanage longer and she was with her mother longer. Should I really assume at this point that she is attached to me? Why would she be when in her experience I am just another caregiver. Sure, she calls me mommy and gives me hugs and sometimes cries when I leave but does she really know, really know, that I am here to stay? Thinking about changing her caregivers again by possibly putting her in a new school in the fall is stressing me out. I still haven't come to a decision about that. Sure, it's more convenient for me and it's cheaper for me but is best for her?


So how does one distinguish the difference between a child who "looks"attached and a child who really is making a healthy, secure attachment? This question becomes important for adoptive families because some adopted children will form an almost immediate dependency bond to their adoptive parents. To mistake this as secure and healthy attachment can lead to many problems down the road. just because a child calls someone "Mom" of "Dad", snuggles, cuddles, and says, "I love you," does not mean the child is attached or even attaching. Saying, "I love you," and knowing what that really feels like, can be two different things. Attachment is a process. It takes time. The key to its formation is trust, and trust becomes secure only after repeated testing. Generally attachment develops during the first two to three years of life. The child learns that he or she is loved and can love in return. The parents give love and learn that the child loves them. The child leans to trust that his needs will be met in a consistent and nurturing manner. The child learns that he "belongs" to his family and they to him. It is through these elements that a child learns to love, and how to accept love.

You can read the whole article here.

How much time is necessary for attachment I wonder? Is 4 months enough time for an adopted child to attach? To trust? To feel secure? I like that she is independent and expressive (and yes, this includes acting out) because in my mind that means she is becoming secure. I think she knows being disciplined for hitting doesn't mean I don't love her or won't stay but rather that hitting is wrong. I really do think she loves me and trusts me, but as a natural worrier I have my doubts and without bio kids to compare her to I have only my own instincts to go on. Deep down I think going to a new school will be ok with her, especially if I keep a babysitter from her old daycare, and I will be right down the hall every day. That should help. But I don't know for sure. I am going to use my beach vacation as time to think and reflect on it. When I get back hopefully the new site will be built so I can see the physical space and meet her new teachers and if I like it, and if there is still space available, I will look at as a sign to go ahead and make the switch. Dang! This parenting thing is hard work!