Wow, a month already! Actually it's been a little over a month and boy has she changed! The most important change is she is attaching. That scowl that she had for new people or when she was frustrated or grieving is dissipating. I see it from time to time, but very, very rarely. I think that means she believes I am here to stay. She still won't go to just anyone and even when she does she will often reach for me after awhile. She is definitely more secure. It's great. I get to see a really happy baby. She laughs all day and she will give me kisses spontaneously. It's great. (I have to repeat that). She brings me so-o-o-o much joy.
Here is a list of her latest and greatest:
Words she says:baba (for bottle but also other random things)
abey (Amen)
emmmay (momma in Amharic.. she does say momma occasionally)
peebee (Peekaboo)
doggie (when she sees a dog or a squirrel)
sock
yay!
uh eeh (uh oh)
bye-bye
hi
owie
uppy (not sure if this is "up" or "help me")
crackee (cracker)
baby
beep beep
Words she can sign:banana, cat, dog, milk, eat, all done, hot, more and cracker
* see more of why I teach her how to sign below *
Her receptive language is impressive.She understands when I tell her I need to wipe her nose, that I have to go to the potty, that it's time to eat, to go get her sock or shoe, that it's time for a diaper change, outside, banana, hot, water, time to do her hair, brush her teeth, go in the car and I'm sure lots more!
Things she loves to do:
point
play with phones (or pretend other objects are phones)
be outside
listen to music, play instruments and dance
take a bath/play in water
eat (her favorite by far!!!)
and pray!
Things she doesn't like:taking naps
getting her diaper changed
when meals are over
Look how short that list is! She is pretty good natured, thankfully. We are in a good groove, enjoying each other as we get to know each other. I am taking another month off and now won't go back til May. I am still waiting to hear if I have been approved for paid medical leave in which case I will be home even longer.
And now some stuff about me:*** My muscles, especially my arms, ached for the entire first month. It was like being on a weight lifting program but without the days of rest in between. My elbows even hurt. It was brutal. I had to take Advil constantly. Only now in month 2 am I feeling some relief. Still in pain, but manageable.
*** My life consists of cooking, cleaning, entertaining, changing diapers, doing laundry and repeating the same language over and over. Let me address each one individually:
Cooking: I am eating way healthier and the money I'll spend on the tripled water bill will be paid by not eating out in restaurants. I have lost weight and I eat a more balanced diet. I want to feed her healthy foods and be a good example (...which means I sneak cookies and ice cream at night after she's asleep :) ...but I don't do it very often)
Cleaning sucks. No other way around it.
Entertaining her. Well, it can be monotonous but also really fun! We spend a lot of time dancing and being outside. I laugh all the time. She cracks me up! She has the funniest faces and does the funniest things as she's exploring this big world.
Diapers. Hate them! Well, the poopy ones. She is still having loose stools (sorry, TMI) so it's brutal on me. The doctor thinks she must have some sort of allergy but we haven't been able to pinpoint it. I read somewhere the most likely cause is a milk allergy so I have taken her off dairy again. I'm not super rigid about it. I don't read labels and look for lactose. I just do the major things: no milk, cheese, ice cream but I may need to go more hard core to see if that's the culprit. She tested negative for Giardia twice and the smell has definitely gotten better but diapers really suck. I am going to potty train her this summer!!
Laundry: I do a load almost every day. The folding and putting away? Way overdue. Sigh.
Repeating the same language over and over... oh, you mothers of babies and toddlers understand. Or maybe it's just the teacher in me. I remember reading somewhere that in teaching, children need at least 50 exposures to master something. I repeat the same things over and over and over and over and over again. I don't mind. I want her to learn the language. She signs some things and that helps with our communication but most of the time it's me saying cup, ball, light, key, blue, yellow, red, water, cracker, shoe, sock, etc. etc. Baby Signing Times videos help a lot. She learns the signs but she is also exposed to oral language. I only own the first volume but she has watched it about 50 times. I am sure she learned almost as much vocabulary from it as she has from me. A couple of people have questioned my teaching her sign language but I know I am doing the right thing. Click
here and
here and
here to read how it benefits hearing children.
*** I am T.I.R.E.D. I often nap when she naps or go to bed when she goes to bed out of sheer exhaustion. I am a single parent with no money for a housekeeper or a nanny and I knew that going in. I knew I would have to do it all. But what I hadn't planned on was coming home with a toddler. I thought she would be under 12 months or just a little bit older and certainly not walking. I thought I'd be able to throw my baby in the snuggly and do my housework, art projects, blogging, etc. Well, a toddler will not allow you to do those things. At least not without a protest! She wants my attention and she deserves it to a certain extent but I am losing my balance. I need a babysitter. I need to be able to go out and have adult conversations and activities. And I want a nice restaurant meal or to watch a movie or time to read or shop leisurely. A friend of mine offered to come watch her this week so I could go on a date. I could just die of happiness!!
*** I am getting nothing done... to piggyback on the above statement about being tired. I am lucky if I get to do more than one or two errands a day. After breakfast I can usually go to the bank or Targ*t or grocery store but that's about it. Then we come home have lunch and naps and in the afternoon I play with her or take her to the park and can maybe get one thing done at home -- cook a meal, do laundry, check the internet. But I am woefully behind on so many things. Sure things like cleaning, coloring my hair, doing her baby book can wait (to a point) but other things need my immediate attention (bills, getting her social security number, writing thank you notes) and I am not getting to them. Maybe I am more attentive than most parents? Or maybe she's more needy? I don't know but it's getting out of control and I need to figure it out. I guess I could ignore the blog but I love to write and I want a record of our time together. Maybe if I start exercising and taking vitamins more regularly I will have more energy and not need to nap when she naps. That would give me an extra 1-2 hours a day. I do plan on going back to the gym next week. They have childcare. I think she will be fine for an hour playing there.. not that that will give me any more time but hopefully more energy. I don't know how to manage it all. Serious kudos to single parents who have it down. Please give me advice!
*** I don't worry about stupid, inconsequential stuff anymore.. like why some stupid boy didn't call or isn't acting right. In fact, one of the best things about having a child is I stopped thinking about men cold turkey. Well, the jerks. I still dream of and pray for a good guy all the time but all those buttheads who took up my thoughts are so not important. Can I tell you how much I
love that?!
*** I feel less like the babysitter and more like the mom. Still not 100%. Can I remember life without her? Yup, it's crystal clear. Do I miss that old life? Sure do. A lot. But is she the best thing that ever happened to me? You better believe it. Right up there with good health, my great family, safety and international travel :)
*** I am attaching to her more and more each day. I love to see her happy. I can see how kids become spoiled. I miss her when gone from her too long, which at this point is only at night. I often pick her up and hug her before I go to bed and sometimes that's just not enough and I put her in bed with me. One night when I was feeling particularly sad I put her in bed with me and held her hand til I fell asleep. Aw. Love that little muffin.
Yes, she will probably be fine. But momma? Now she is very stressed out about it. What if someone raises their voice to her? What if she cries? What if she misses me? What if someone hurts her? What if she doesn't think I'm coming back? What if they ask her to do something and she doesn't understand and then gets in trouble for not doing it? I don't even want to think about it. I don't even want to imagine it. It's making me cry just thinking about it.
My doctor filled out the paperwork for me to petition to stay home but didn't do it until yesterday and the deadline to submit it was on Friday. I had an appointment for him to fill it out 2 weeks ago but he was running late as usual and my appointment was going to be 3 hours later than scheduled. I couldn't entertain her for that long in a packed waiting room so I had to leave and yesterday was the next available time to meet. Unfortunately that means I go back to work on Monday. If I submit it today they won't review it until May 11th. He recommended I stay home until May 31st. If they accept it, at least I will get reimbursed for back pay but I will still have to go back to work for the last two weeks. Pisses me off. I just don't think I can stay home for the next two weeks while I wait for them to review it. But on the other hand it's only 2 more weeks. Staying home these next two weeks would make more sense if in fact I am able to qualify. I don't know...
