Life

Life. Exciting. Frustrating. Thrilling. Confusing. Exhilarating. Heart wrenching. Completely unpredictable. I'm grateful for the wide variety of opportunities that my education, circumstances and blessings have provided me. I have explored, traveled, and studied in many areas of the world. I have lived on three continents, in nine states and the District of Columbia. I have studied psychology, French and education in fine institutes of higher education. I have attended boarding school in Nigeria, waitressed in Paris, taught children how to read from Maryland to California, backpacked through Europe, and relaxed on some of the most beautiful beaches in the world. I have done many interesting things and been blessed beyond measure and for all of that I am incredibly grateful.

But with opportunities come choices and with choices come decisions. For those of you who know me or have been following my blog, you know that I had a huge decision to make this year. Live abroad or adopt? It was hard because I knew I wanted both. I have such wanderlust! I feel so alive when I am out exploring different cultures, speaking another language and meeting different people, so I made the decision to move abroad and adopt when I returned. But then as I making plans to move I learned that I could adopt from abroad. It was perfect! I was ecstatic. I could do both and I could do both right now! It was all unfolding so perfectly. But it's not a perfect world and my situation was far from perfect. As I prepared for my international move the United States became part of the Hague Convention. This changed everything. Suddenly, the agencies who had been comfortable working with Americans residing abroad now felt uneasy. Things became incredibly complex and I wasn't able to find an agency willing to work with me. I suppose at some point things may become more clear and Americans will have not have problems adopting from abroad, but no one knows when that will be. I was advised to do the adoption from American soil; stay here and continue the process or continue when I returned in 2010. As many of you know, two years is a lot of time in the world of international adoption. Anything can happen. And the social workers I spoke with said more likely that not if I waited until then I would most likely not be able to adopt internationally at all. (My age and marital status were working against me). So it came down to two choices: live abroad or adopt from Ethiopia. But not both. I'm not going to lie and tell you it was an easy decision. I had accepted a dream teaching job in an exciting city and I was in the throes of preparing for an international move. I had quit my job for God's sake! And I had made a promise. I had given them my word. Although I had not yet signed the contract, I had verbally agreed and where I come from your word is your bond.

But I want to be a mother. And I can't wait until 2011. If I returned from Manila in 2010 to discover that adopting from Ethiopia wasn't a possibility I would be devastated. I suppose domestic adoption would still be an option (though many domestic agencies aren't single-friendly either) but who knows when I would be chosen by a birth mother. I could be on the list for years. It was just not a risk I could take. As agonizing as it was, I knew in my heart what my decision was; the agony was really more related to having to inform my employer of this new development. I can always teach abroad but even if I don't, I have already had many wonderful overseas experiences. But I knew that an Ethiopian adoption wasn't just my own decision. It's much deeper than that. I know that this is what I am meant to do.

So here we are on April 28, 2008. It's been almost a year since I started this blog and I am officially back on track (with Gladney!! ~ they took me back!) with adoption from Ethiopia. The overseas school was very supportive of my decision and said to keep in touch. Hey, I just may teach there after all! I am back to filling out paperwork and I have a job interview tomorrow (yeah, a job... pesky little requirement to continue with the process ~ lol!)

So there you have it. My exciting, frustrating, thrilling, confusing, exhilarating, completely unpredictable life!! The life and I intend to continue living it to the fullest... with my child!

Sniff

Well, it is not meant to be. I got an email today from Gladney saying they can not do my adoption while I am living abroad. I am so disappointed. I felt so comfortable with them and now have to start from scratch with another agency. * Sigh *

Gladney Dinner

On Friday night I had the opportunity to attend a dinner with Gladney staff and families!! Natalie, Scott and Mary were in town to attend the Joint Council on International Children's Services Conference and invited families in the DC, Maryland and Virginia area to come and join them for dinner. I was so excited to finally meet them and some of the families whose blogs I stalk obsessively read frequently since I feel like I know them already. We met for dinner at Abol, a wonderful Ethiopian restaurant only 10 minutes from my house. It was such a great choice because it was a lovely, intimate place and the food was wonderful. I haven't always been a fan of Ethiopian food but now I love it! And the Ethiopian beer, Meta. Have you ever had it? It has such a low alcohol content it's really like drinking a grown up soda. But I digress...

Meeting Mary, Scott, and Natalie was so wonderful. It is so great to put faces with names, you know? And they were all so nice. I also got the opportunity to ask them some more questions about my adoption specifically and I really get the feeling that they are working hard to make my adoption overseas through Gladney possible. I really hope and pray that is the case because not only have I built a relationship with them but I really do feel completely confident that they will do their best to do whatever is necessary to make my adoption happen. I want them to be my agency!!

It was great to see my two friends, Tami and Kristine, and to meet other prospective adoptive parents. But the highlight, of course, was meeting the kids! There were two Ethiopian kids there, one who I must not have a blog cause I didn't know her - lol - but who is an absolute doll and the other was Lilly! I was so happy to meet her, her nice parents and her cute big sister, Reece. The adoption video that her family created was the first one I saw that made me cry and cry and know for sure that I, too, wanted to experience the miracle of adoption. I used to force anyone that questioned my desire to adopt to watch it when they were at my house because there was no way they could question it after that. (Since then I have cried over tons of adoption videos. LOL) So, I was already seated when Lilly and her mom walked in and I said to myself, 'That's Elizabeth Alem!' Funny how you really get to know families through the blogosphere and are able to recognize them and call them by name. I also was introduced to someone named 'Tina' and I kept looking at her throughout the night wondering if she was 'Bettina'. Turns out I was introduced to her as Bettina, I just hadn't heard correctly, so that was amazing too. I love her story as well as she is a young woman adopting a six year old girl she met while she was doing some volunteering in an orphanage. It really was a great evening and I was so happy to be included. It made everything seem so real, so tangible, so possible and I am now SO EXCITED to be a mom to an Ethiopian child!

Working Out the Details

Well, I spoke to my original social worker at Gladney. She said me and my situation was a topic of conversation there this morning. Although she is not 100% sure, she thinks that starting my home study here was a total waste of money. That if I plan to adopt while living abroad that I need to complete a homestudy over there and if I want to wait until I return that it will be no good (it will have expired). Unless, I get everything done before I go--including getting my I171H in the mail so that all I will be waiting for is a referral. I told her it might just make more sense to wait until I return to complete the process at which point she reminded me of something I had completely forgotten... the likelihood that Ethiopia will close to singles in 2009. If I want an Ethiopian child I need to adopt in 2008. Period. So tomorrow she will call me back and let me know how to proceed. If I wait, I risk not being able to adopt from there at all. She said if I do the paperwork now I will be waiting for a referral when I leave in July (assuming that's when my I171H arrives) which will arrive anywhere from 3-5 months. I think I can ask to hold off on the referral to closer to the four month mark but no longer. Then I accept a referral and wait for a court date which is about another three months. So, that would mean that I would get a referral around November and a court date around February and presumably pick up my child in March of next year. That is not ideal. I will be in a new job, in a new country. I need a bit more time to get settled, to figure out the child care situation, meet other parents, get a support network. The end of the year would be perfect or anytime thereafter. The other factor is I can't go from Ethiopia back to the Philippines. I would have to go from Ethiopia back to the US before going back to the Philippines. It sounds challenging but doable. I guess when I speak to her tomorrow I will be in a better position to make a decision once I have all the information.

Yahoo Groups

Since joining that Americans adopting overseas yahoo group I have learned so much about adopting while overseas. The internet is amazing. According to members of the group, adopting from Ethiopia is fairly easy while living abroad. Apparently it can be done easily within one year. Now I just need to find an agency who will work with me while living abroad. I am currently working with Gladney and hope to be able to continue working with them if at all possible, but I may need to switch to an agency that is more comfortable working with Americans adopting while living overseas. I placed a call to my social worker at Gladney today only to discover that she no longer works there so I am awaiting a call back from her temporary replacement.

** update
Got an email from the temporary replacement woman who referred me back to my original social worker. I sent her an email asking her if I can continue to work with Gladney if I move overseas in the middle of the process.