Nov. 21

The painters came and finished up the cabinets and rehung all the doors. He said it would take 2 days to fully dry so I can't close the doors just yet. Not sure if I am sold on them but it does make the whole place look brighter.

Met with the plantation shutters guy this morning who was here to measure my windows. I'm going to order them for the living room, dining room and kitchen windows. Still undecided about the other rooms, but I'm going to get those three for sure. He said if I order before Nov. 25 I get 15% off and they will be installed by Xmas! Wow, can't beat that! I am so excited.
~ 1.5 hours


Made a decision about my life!!!!!!!!!
~months and months of agonzing...

And the decision is... I am not going to do an IUI. If married I would probably try, but I don't want to be pregnant enough to go through with anonymous sperm donation. It's a difficult and unusual predicament to not be infertile but to still more the loss of a biological child. All I can say is that if it is God's will for me to be blessed with a husband, I will be. I can only control so much and ultimately I trust that the family I am meant to have will be joy of my life. I had always imagined that I would have the husband and several children, both biological and adopted, and God willing that will still be the way. But, if not, I trust that whatever blessings are bestowed upon me will be make me happy beyond measure. If it's just me and my little girl, we will be happy!

That decision takes one pressure off my mind. Not needing to stay here to do IUI cycles frees me up to do some other things this Spring--like quit my job and do some international volunteering. If I had more money I would just do it. But paying for an international adoption and a 3-6 month stint in Africa and my mortgage simultaneously--without an income-- is just not feasible. I mean, we're talking like $40,000. So I haven't quite figured out what I am going to do, but I am going, somehow. At some point in your life you have a mid-life crisis reflect on your accomplishments and what you have done to give back in the world to show thanks for your blessings. Let's just say I am not impressed. Sure I've taught hundreds of children and traveled and bought property - blah, blah, blah- but I could have done so much more. Living abroad will give me the opportunity to do just that. If I go in the Spring I can continue with the adoption process but I'll be broke. If I wait until the Summer, and go with an overseas job offer (assuming I get one), I will have an income but I will most likely have to put the adoption on hold and who knows if Americans will still be able to adopt from Ethiopia when I am ready. I need to email Natalie at Gladney again and find out exactly how difficult and how much more expensive it is to adopt while living abroad. Dang! Even though I ruled out IUIs, nothing seems any more settled than before! It seems even with one thing eliminated, things actually got more complicated! How is that possible?!


Hope you had a productive day. See you tomorrow.