Tears

Dropping my little girl off at 7:00am and picking her up at 6:00 is no fun. I'm sorry, but leaving her with strangers and spending the day with other people's children doesn't make any sense. All we have time for is dinner and bath and bed. Very little time to play and interact with each other and I miss her! I cried tonight because she was a bit cranky and I feel guilty because I think having her in daycare is to blame. She needs more sleep but it's hard to get her to bed before 7:45. I hate rushing her in the mornings but I need my a.m. planning time. Tonight I picked her up and she was spotless. No art projects today I guess. And no playing outside either, apparently. What are they doing all day in that small room?! I want her to be able to run around in the sunshine and have fun!! She's only 2.

It will get better. Soon I will be able to pick her up earlier and take her to the park or do something fun after school. The beginning of the school year is just so busy and even more so with a new job so I need to put in the time but it makes me so sad for her. For us. I want to be the one teaching her new things and potty training her and seeing her bright eyes when she excited or comforting her when she's hurt. :(

I believe her Ethiopian teacher cares about her and they all tell me how happy and verbal and how good she is and I know as a teacher kids like that are easier to be nice to so I am not too worried about how she's being treated, but I really wish there was some way that I could stay home with her and teach her everything she needs to know. At least until she's verbal enough to tell me about her day. Now I am left to speculate and wonder if she's having fun.

Back to School Night is next Friday and I look forward to hearing more about their program. I did find out she goes to the media center, PE and music class (M,W,F) so that's nice. And I like being able to drop in unexpectedly throughout the day to see what she's doing, but nothing would be better than having her home with me.

God, can you please send me my rich husband soon so I can quit my job and be a stay at home mom? I have been very patient. Thank you. Amen.

Summer Plans 2010

There are so many things I want to do this summer! I decided to make an official list and post it in my house and check things off as they get accomplished. In the effort to not drive myself crazy or to feel like a complete failure, I am limiting myself to ten items. Yeah, ok, they're a pretty hefty ten and some are more long term, but here's what I have come up with:

1. Do creative things- write, publish, enter contests, draw, take photos, read books, backup photos, see Wicked on Broadway!!
2. Do fun & summery things - farmer's mkt., pool, park, outdoor concerts, beach, etc.
3. Clean my grill and use it!
4. Decorate Almi's nursery (before it becomes a big girl room) and my bedroom
5. Prepare for fall - daycare, meals, daily schedule, etc.
6. Renovate the basement to get it ready for renters
7. Create information book or files for Almi including info. on her citizenship, readoption paperwork, insurance, health, sleeping & eating schedule, daycare/schooling, babysitters, etc.
8. Work on Almi's babybook and Lifebook
9. Organize house - sell/donate/consign, clean, etc.
10. Get us both healthier -exercise, take vitamins, eat healthy see doctors/dentists, etc.

We're already 3 weeks into summer and I have already:

* entered a photography contest
* blogged several times
* taken her to the pool and park and dined al fresco
* gotten estimates for the basement and secured the loan
* almost got Almi's insurance snafus straightened out (um, didn't know that was an acronym!)
* consigned all her outgrown clothes

Not bad if I say so myself! For someone who is a major procrastinator, it's pretty darn impressive. All it took was the hell of the end of the school year to make me understand how critical it is to be organized by fall. She's only in daycare til the end of July so I am working feverishly to get done the things that will be next to impossible with a toddler hanging from my leg. So far, so good! Will post updates with the title SP 2010. Hope to be able to report that I have completed everything on the list because before we know it, summer will be over...!

(I know, I know. I am the Queen of lists. And the Queen of not getting items crossed off my lists. And the Queen of forgetting that fact and creating more lists. I know this. But, I never had a kid before and never understood true exhaustion, lack of time and chaos so I am sure this time will be different. Have faith!)

Welcome Twenty Ten!

Twenty-ten. That sounds pretty cool.
Can I just repeat how am so glad it's a new year, a new decade!

I have chosen Discipline as my word to start the year. Just uttering it makes me nervous because I can honestly say it is something I lack. I figured, though, I need to hold it close and think about it daily in order for me to have any way of becoming the disciplined person I want to be. Do I expect that I will be a disciplined person by the end of the year? No, it's a process; but I hope that by keeping it close it will help me with food choices, workouts, creating time for art, thinking before I speak, keeping a clean home, what I spend my money on, etc. As you can see there's a lot of room for growth!!

It was hard to choose between that and Authenticity which is something I talk about wanting all the time. I am not leading the life that I envision for myself (in too many ways to mention) but it's extremely important for me to figure how to do that. Discipline will be ongoing so I doubt it will be mastered but I will keep Authenticity in the back of my mind as I make choices throughout the year. This is going to be hard... but it allows for small successes along the way. Wish me luck...I'm going to need it!

And for fun, I am going to do Project 365 which basically means take a photo every day for a whole year. If you are interested in seeing my photos you can check them out at my new blog, A Photo a Day in 2010. I plan to take a photo a day (but may only post them once a week or so). Either way, in the end I will have a ton of memories which I will turn into a 365-page hard cover coffee table book to document the year. It sounds like a cool project that will:

* improve my photography skills
* force me to do something creative every day
* document what I expect to be a remarkable year

Let's get this year started!!

C'mon 2010!

I had high expectations for 2009. 2008 had been challenging (you can read about it here and here and here) but I was sure 2009 was going to be my year --I was sure I would finally get to meet my daughter!!

There was movement in my adoption process this year-- my 171-H arrived, I got waitlisted and I eventually got the referral of a beautiful little girl-- but meeting her will have to wait until 2010. Other than the adoption, I didn't have a particularly eventful year. Sure there were some high moments. It started out great with the inauguration of our new president. Gosh, we were all so full of hope, weren't we? I took two very short weekend trips-- one to Nags Head and one to LA. I also made some new friends, reconnected with ones from my past, joined a choir, spent time with family, got rid of a lot of clutter, learned about and embraced thrifting and pursued my creative endeavors. Heck, I was even celibate... if you can call that a highlight! All of those things brought happiness or satisfaction on some level. 2009 also had it's low points, though, including all the toads I dated, nagging injuries that led me to becoming fatter and flabbier than ever, and of course not being able to bring my daughter home. To say that I am ready for 2010 is quite the understatement!

Is anyone making resolutions this year? I'm not fond of the failure that often comes along with them, but I love how they make me feel like anything is possible. I was reading about resolutions on Christine Kane's blog. Man, I love her blog. She is so full of wisdom! She talks about how one should choose just one word and use that word to guide you-- to set intention for the year. She bases it on the DO-HAVE-BE model. Basically, instead of focusing on the the 'DO' (i.e. lose weight) to 'HAVE' self-esteem to 'BE' confident she says to focus on the 'BE' instead of the 'DO'. So if confidence is really what you want, than strive for that. She states it much more articulately. You can read her words here. I am going to try that this year --choose one word to 'BE' this year. Her list of words is very long and there are many, many things I want in my life including:

Presence
Grace
Health
Civility
Discipline
Abundance
Simplicity
Gratitude
Trust
Patience

Each would be incredibly beneficial but I was able to narrow it down fairly quickly; however, I find it quite a challenge to narrow it down to only one. This last step, the choosing of one word to be my beacon for an entire year is taking some serious reflection and self-analysis. I have spent the last several days meditating and journaling about what was missing from 2009 and on what I want my focus to be for 2010.

Whatever word I choose, I am looking forward to seeing how it guides, enriches and transforms my goals. Happy New Year Everyone! I hope 2010 brings you lots of growth, knowledge and joy!

New Year, New Schedule

It feels like New Year's Eve. Well, New Year's Eve minus the champagne and great party. Tomorrow is my first day back to work and I have created a schedule for myself which kind of has a New Year's Resolutions feel. I am preparing for a fresh start and have a made some plans for what to eat, how to spend my time...basically how to proceed from this day forward.

By the end of the year I am going to be a mom and I have some things I want I need to put into place before that day arrives. On that list include things like losing weight, learning how to manage stress, getting organized, cooking, becoming more efficient with my time, etc.

I created a list on the right side of my blog of things I planned on taking care of this summer while I was off. I was able to accomplish some of them but I need to accomplish all of them before November. With a little less than 2 and a half months left, I needed to write down a schedule for myself so I don't waste time on being inefficient and distracted and lazy.

So here it is. My schedule. Don't laugh. Trust me, I need to schedule myself down to the half hour if I want to get it all done!

Monday - Thursday
5:00-7:00 workout
7:00-7:30 get ready for work
7:30-5:30 commuting to & from and working
5:30-6:30 cleaning & organizing
6:30-7:30 dinner
7:30-9:00 taks
9:00-9:30 get ready for bed
9:30 - bedtime

In the evenings from 7:30-9:00 if I finish up my tasks early I can watch TV, read, talk on the phone, blog, etc. Fridays are more relaxed. Still plan to workout in the a.m. but the evening is reserved for fun/dates. Weekends are for large projects like organizing my basement, decorating the nursery, menu planning, creative endeavors, church, etc. but also the main goal is to be able to relax on weekends and do what I want to do and not what I didn't get done during the week. I have already turned down three(!) invitations this week telling the people that Mon-Thurs really aren't good days for me--that I'm too busy--and all three agreed to postpone our get togethers until this weekend! Perhaps when I am in the swing I can carve out time during the week for dates/fun, but for now it's gotta be off limits.

I am going to ease into this schedule this week (it's after midnight and I am still up cause I am still on Pacific time and not tired!) but I plan to be in full swing by next Sunday. Wish me luck. It's going to be somewhat of a change from my current lifestyle but it will be good to get myself into a routine. On top of all of this, Mon-Thurs I am going to "eat clean" which basically means no sugar, no alcohol, no red meat, no sweets, no fried foods, no rice, no pasta, etc. I figure I can do that 4 days a week knowing that the next three are free days. Four days on and three days off. It's a schedule I think I can live with and it should get me organized, thinner and more relaxed and ready for my baby girl who is likely to arrive in three months!

My Acting Debut

You would think with being lucky enough to score a part in a movie this summer that I'd be motivated to lose some weight and exercise. I mean, seriously, with knowing I was going to be in front of the camera--cameras that add ten pounds--and working with 20-something, itty bitty actresses..well, you might think I could have garnered up some semblance of motivation to work on this excess poundage. I think any sane woman would have done that. But, noooooo--not me! I drank lots of fruity drinks and ate ice cream cones whenever I felt like it and boy did it show. Not a good idea! But, it was so. much. fun.

The movie is called Twist of Fate and I play Mrs. Cromwell, a wealthy woman who hires a private investigator, Griffin (played by my friend, Derek, the writer/director/producer/leading male) to trail her husband. I have two scenes. The one we shot one yesterday takes place in Griffin's home office where I get the proof in pictures that my husband is indeed cheating. It's about 3 lines and 1 minute on camera but I loved doing it! In a couple of weeks we shoot my second scene where I thank him for telling me the truth. Here are a few pictures from rehearsals:

Derek (in blue) confers with me and the camera man about the scene


getting handed the folder of pictures


practicing the scene


me, looking sad, upon hearing the truth about my husband


These two pictures are from when Griffin tells Mrs. Cromwell that cheating is the norm and to basically get over it.

This last shot is Griffin talking to another actress, with Tim capturing it on camera.


Twist of Fate will be broadcast on a local cable network and Derek is going to enter it into some film festivals. I can't wait to see it. I had so much fun and told Derek to keep me in mind for future projects. He said he would. Considering he's going to be the next Tyler Perry I need to hit the gym!!

My Birthday

Today is my birthday!

I drove to Pittsburgh.

And had an Oreo cake. Yum!



My main goal for this year is to be present.
Live in the moment!!
(...and bring my daughter home, get a book published and meet a great man!)


** And I now share a birthday with SJP's twins, Marion and Tabitha. Cool!

Join Me at Race for the Cure!

I'd love to have other APs and PAPs join me!

Click here to read more...

Team Ethiopia?

So, I made it to a Weight Watchers meeting on Tuesday and signed up. So far, so good. It's good to be more conscious of what I am eating and I am definitely eating smaller portions and doing less snacking. I hope at my next weigh in I will see some movement on the scale.

I also signed up for 5K! I signed up for Race for the Cure. (The last time I did this race was with my ex-boyfriend. He said he would do it with me but he was in better shape and ran off without me. I found him somewhere after I crossed the finish line. But I digress...) This time I signed up to do it by myself but wonder if any APs and PAPs in the DC/MD/VA area want to do the race with me?!
We could form Team Ethiopia! What a fun way for us to meet. I am planning on walking it --just getting back into shape here--but this way we can chat and get to know each other. And then we can all go out to breakfast afterwards and undo all our hard work! heehee I don't know how many folks from the area read this blog, but if you don't and know someone who does, feel free to link them to this page so they can join in!

If you can't join me but want to donate a dollar or two to breast cancer research you can do so by clicking this link.

Thanks and I hope to see you on my team!

Audition

So guess what?! I am going to be in a movie! The brother of a friend of mine is a writer and he is shooting a movie of one of his scripts. He needed a 40-something woman to play a character and hadn't been able to cast the part--it's a low budget independent film, no pay, no SAG actors, no wardrobe department, no hair and make up, etc. --but I thought it sounded fun. I don't have any acting experience, well no paid acting experience that is. I did plays in high school and I have surely had my dramatic moments! I think I'm a natural and he liked the way I read for the part, so I'm in! There isn't going to be a wide release or anything, it's just be shown on local cable networks, though he planning on entering it into a couple of film festivals so you never know.

We start shooting next this summer. July to be exact. Which means I have about twelve weeks to get my body camera-ready. How's that for motivation? Yikes!

It's Friday the 13th. I got diagnosed with strep throat AGAIN. Waaah. How on earth does a single parent get to rest with a child?!

I'll Miss You Sushi and Wine

Lent. 40 days. I am going hard core this year. I need to be make some total changes and, frankly, with all the things I have on my mind I need to keep God in the forefront of all my activities. I am glad to have a definitive starting and ending point, knowing that I have 40 days in which I expect lots to get done.

As far as diet, here's the plan:

1. no meat
2. no dairy
3. no alcohol
4. no junk food (snacks, sweets, processed foods, soda, etc.)
5. I was going to give up wheat and sugar, too, but that may be going a little overboard.

Considering I ate Thin Mints for dinner tonight, a healthy vegan diet is going to be quite the shock to my system! After scarfing down the whole sleeve as I drove home from work I promptly got a stomach ache so hopefully the other three sleeves in my freezer won't be too tempting. I love you, Thin Mints.



In addition:

1. no facebook
2. no choosing the couch over the gym (i.e. must work out daily ~ be it getting in my 10,000 steps which I have never been able to do or actually going to the gym to work out or simply lifting or doing a tape at home... something every day)

I hope keeping focused on health and fitness will give me loads of positive energy to get things done. Number one on the list? Finishing my dossier. My SW did surface today, finally. He left me a voice mail message with something about how he hadn't made any changes to my homestudy and to email him with the age range that I wanted so he can be sure he has it correct. Um, how about I emailed him that information and left a voice mail message to adjust the age range and to increase it to two children over a week ago? And how about I left him three or four follow up messages asking him to return my call to confirm? Even though I hadn't heard back from him I was kind of under the assumption that he had changed the number and ages after our conversation. I also assumed that he had already mailed it off to CIS. Now I have no idea if he is even on board nor do I have any indication of when he plans to mail it off! I'm frustrated. Perhaps my goal to work swiftly on the paperwork with the hope of getting a court date before the rainy season was a bit lofty. I guess I need to just realize that it will all get done when it gets done and if she gets home by Christmas I will be grateful. And if not, well then she won't.. but then I instead will jet off to some exotic location to celebrate my last few weeks of being single and carefree and look forward to meeting her in 2010.

SW/Black Boxes/Diet/Lent

Nothing new to post in the adoption world... my SW is missing in action. No phone call, no email, no nothing. Will work on the dossier anyway.

Meanwhile, have you checked out the black boxes gadget at the bottom of my blog? Click on it and it will ask you a series of choices and based on your choices eventually take you to a mystery blog you might enjoy. I have come across a number of very interesting blogs that way! If you arrived here via black boxes, would you leave me a comment telling me where you are from and what choices brought you here? ...if you can remember :-) I know I do it ten times in a sitting and would get them all mixed up! LOL Thanks!

Diet. As in change of diet. I am changing mine. I am tired of being fat. Tired of being tired. I went to the gym for the first time in 7 months last week and learned that I had gained 7 pounds! Not good. At that rate, I'll be obese in no time. Time to take action. But not just with weight loss from an aesthetic perspective, but weight loss and change of diet for overall health. I want to feel and look better. Lent is coming up, too, so it's the perfect time to make some changes. Lent, being a time to focus on prayer, fasting and almsgiving makes it the perfect time to begin a new eating plan. All weekend I have been online researching what eating plan will make the most sense for me. I want one that consists of a healthy, balanced meals where I will feel energetic, yet at the same time make positive changes in my overall health. I think I know what I will do and I will debut it on Wednesday.

The SW/The Date/The Crock Pot

1. I had the "talk" with my SW. He wasn't nearly as judgemental as I thought he was going to be. He just felt the need to point out the obvious, I guess ("it's going to be more difficult"; "it's going to be more expensive"; "you would need to be surrounded by a support group," etc, etc. --uh, yeah.) In the end he agreed to change it (though I haven't seen it so I'm a wee bit nervous since he may have already sent it off to CIS...but hoping for the best!)
Now to work on that pesky dossier.

2. The Valentine's Date. We went to a lovely restaurant, built in the early 1900s.


The restaurant was originally built as a stable on the estate of General Nelson A. Miles. The individual stalls, still intact, used to house his favorite horses: Denver, Golden Pebbles and Rappahanock. You could dine upstairs in the old hay loft, or where we ate-- down by the fire-- surrounded by original harness hooks, feed boxes and saddle trees. The food was good and the wine was good. My date? He's nice. He's smart. He's attractive. I'll leave it at that since he was nice enough to let me post this picture.



3. My Crock Pot. I love that thing! Now that is the true love of my life. Or at least my new best friend. Seriously. It is the best. invention. ever. Yesterday I made taco soup and it was incredible!

Easy and delicious! I found the recipe on Stephanie's amazing blog, CrockPot365. It's the third recipe I've tried. I am going to do at least one new one a week. Why? Because I am on a mission to learn how to cook healthy meals at home to:

A. save money
B. eat healthier and
C. lose some weight.

I am determined to lose --dare I say 25 pounds by summer?-- so I can fit into my clothes, be healthier, prepare myself physically for taking care of a little one alone and heck, look cute come summer! I swear, the crock pot is one necessary component in achieving that quest. I am going to stop eating out so often, quit the mindless snacking on junk food and be more active. I already wear a pedometer every day but have yet to get to the goal of 10,000 steps in my normal routine. Clearly, I need to actually exercise to increase the total so starting today I will. Maybe I should post my weight loss results on a sidebar? Nothing like accountability to get you up off the couch! Anyone want to join me?

Photography Contest #2

I entered my second photography contest. The theme is the inauguration. I entered two photos, but one of them I can't identify the subject so it might get disqualified. The shot below is my second entry. It pales in comparison to the first but so as not to split the vote, I am asking for votes for this photo only. (I learned about splitting the vote in the 10th grade when I ran for class president. I was up against one of the girls in the "popular crowd" so my friends and I nominated another popular girl and split their vote. It worked... I won! I haven't won anything since so I am going to implement the same strategy. :) Please vote for me!



By the way, first place is $1,000 and in my mind I have already spent it so I need your vote! :-) Thanks!

click here

(If the link doesn't work, go to fotoweekdccontest.org. Click on Peoples Choice and look for it...right now it's on p.2 but if you can't find it you can look for it by my name)

Time Management

It's Saturday. I love the weekends.
No, really. I really love weekends.

I love not having to set my alarm. This morning I woke up at 7:15. Although that's not exactly sleeping in, it beats setting the alarm for 5:45 am like I did yesterday.

I love not having to get dressed if I don't want to. Here it is 2:20 and I am still in my pj's. Love that.

I like the option of making a hot breakfast. Today I made myself a cheese omelet and roasted potatoes, toast with apricot jam and hot tea. And I ate it leisurely at the kitchen counter. Relaxing!

I have my super-lengthy to do list looming of course, but on Saturdays I don't feel the pressure to tackle it or the stress of not having tackled it like I do on Sundays (and every other day that week frankly). I haven't done one thing on the list yet today but the day is young and full of possibilities and, yeah, as soon as I finish this post it's on and poppin'!

One thing I am really trying to incorporate into my life is the concept of a no-errand/no-stress weekend. A good friend of mine in LA does just that. She schedules something for every day of the week. It goes something like this:

Monday - grocery shopping and cooking for the week
Tuesday - wash hair, nails, laundry
Wednesday - errands (dry cleaning, post office, etc.)
Thursday - clean the house
Friday - car wash

And as soon as she pulls out of the car wash on Friday afternoons, her shiny red Beemer convertible is gleaming and she's ready to hit the town with nothing to think about but having fun. Her weekends are her own! I love that!

For the life of me I can't seem to figure out time management and spend every day of every week running some errand, planning what needs to be done, thinking about what I should be doing or stressing about what I am not getting done! I am so totally impressed by people who are able to have a full time job, keep their houses clean, do crafts, cook gourmet meals, read books, volunteer, exercise, raise children and look fabulous doing it! How on earth is that humanly possible?! The only thing that I think will make it possible for me is to create a schedule like my friend and stick to it. Mothers out there - especially single moms - what do you do to get things done? How do you manage your time? I need some tips!

One Huge Load Off

...and that would be my Hague training... finally! Now I only need one more piece and I"ll be done with my homestudy. Never thought I'd see the end! I'm celebrating completing that huge chunk. I wasn't looking forward to it, but actually found many of the classes quite informative. All of a sudden my adoption is starting to feel real. Gosh, I've only been in the process for what-- nineteen months? But now that I am really feeling some movement I am really getting excited! Yay me!

As far as my hair, I haven't even had time to make an appointment as I am so swamped at work and with adoption stuff, but as you can see from the photos it's not really all that short. I'm impulsive, but not crazy! LOL. Hopefully I can get an appointment soon!

I can't post a pic of my hair just yet, cause as you can see from the photo, I just grabbed a pair of scissors and choppity chopped! (uh, Britney Spears anyone? lol) So, I am desperate need of a professional's touch -- you were right, Lori! Hopefully I can get an appointment this weekend. In the meantime it's really not that short so I'm rockin' the ponytail.

And now I am off to watch The Bachelor. That is my guilty pleasure and I am not ashamed to admit it! Anyone else watch it and want to make a bet on who the top three will be? C'mon! Watch with me cause I should be doing adoption training--since I only have one class left-- but I can't help myself! I love living the fantasy with these women that you can fall in love and be proposed to in six weeks!

Happy New Year!

It's January 1, 2009 about 8:30 am. It's freezing cold outside but it's a beautifully bright and sunny day. It's also extremely quiet. A very still and peaceful morning. I can hear a lone bird occasionally chirping outside my window, but nothing else. No yardwork, no cars passing by, no voices from my neighbors or dogs barking. All I consistently hear is the tapping of my fingers hitting the keyboard as I compose this New Year's Post.

A new year is here. I love the concept of a new year. I love that January 1st feels so different from December 31st. I love making resolutions, the feeling of a fresh start--that anything is possible. It's strange to think of the newness of life and new beginnings in the dead of winter. It would make so much more sense in the spring when the earth wakes up from its cold and dreary nap to warmer days and soft breezes with little buds forming on trees and flowers pushing themselves up from the earth. Starting fresh in spring makes sense to me, not on a bitterly cold January day but today feels different from other New Year's days to me. It is especially bright and I feel a renewed sense of energy and purpose. As 2008 was drawing to a close I was so conflicted about many things. 2008 brought a lot of possiblities with it, but also dashed dreams and unfulfilled expectations. If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you know what I am talking about. If not, let's just say there are two things that I really wanted and I was forced to choose. I have accepted my choice but that doesn't mean I yearn for the thing I gave up. As 2008 came to a close I wondered if I had made the right decision because I wasn't much closer to my goal than this time last year and still can't clearly see the end in sight. I wondered why life had to be so complicated! Why couldn't I have everything I wanted in life? Why me? Why me? (insert pity party here) Just when I could barely feel any more sorry for myself, I was reminded that my life is precious and I am blessed and seriously to get over myself. A friend of mine died.

She had just turned 40 and was almost 7 months pregnant. We met through SMC when we were both trying to figure out how to proceed with bringing children into our lives. We hadn't seen eachother in awhile since the groups tend to split between those that choose pregnancy and those who choose adoption, but we had just recently gotten back in touch and had exchanged a few emails. Sadly, she had a complication from her pregnancy and didn't make it. They were able to deliver her baby fortunately, and he's doing great, but I can't help but really I feel for my friend who never got to hold the baby she so desperately wanted and for whom she was excitedly preparing the nursery.

So I didn't go out last night. I needed to stay home and reflect on 2008 and plan for 2009. I did just that (and also baked cookies) and it was good. I am grateful to be here in 2009 and will embrace whatever the new year brings! I also made some broad resolutions that work for me:

1. Choose to be happy.

2. Get organized.

3. Be good to myself and others.

That's it. I know what each one means to me and how it will make my life so much better. My life. My life. I am still here and that is enough to make me happy for awhile.



(my friend in the center)

I Want a Haircut

I like my hair. It's curly if I let it dry naturally or it can be straight if I blow it dry. I can wear it out or I can wear it in a ponytail and that's good for someone like me who would rather sleep in than spend time on my hair. And overall, I would say that versatility is good. Oh, and I think men prefer long hair, and being single you pay attention to details like that!! (Though who really knows what they prefer cause if they prefer short hair on women they aren't dating me, so I guess I wouldn't really know now, would I?! Heh.)

But it is dry and gets tangled and is thinning at the temples probably because I pull it back too tightly. So as much as I dream of having photos of me holding up my daughter with my hair cascading down my back, I think it's time for a cut. Maybe something like this? What do you think?