The Date

I know you've been waiting with baited breath, LOL. so here's the lowdown on my date with M.

He offered to pick me up but I chose to drive and meet him downtown. We were supposed to meet at 6:30 but because it was so beautiful out (it was in the 70's--perfect weather for a Friday night date), everyone was out and the traffic was crazy. It was close to 7:00 when I finally turned the corner to the street the restaurant was on. I realized that parking in a garage would be my best option as I was running so late and didn't have the time to look for a parking space, but it was also at that same moment that I realized I left my wallet in my other purse. So, I said a thank you to the Universe for the parking space right in front of the restaurant and low and behold as I pulled up, someone was pulling out. That law of attraction stuff works, I tell you! :-)

So, the date. I feel like I can't give too many details because he flat out asked me, "Did you tell anyone about our date?" Um, not yet but hundreds are about to read about it on the internet. And what if in fact I do end up with him?

Not that there's anything monumental to tell. I met him at a bar downtown. I gave him a hug when I saw him because after talking for 2 months I kind of felt like I knew him. We chatted for a bit, he ordered me a glass of wine and then left to check on our reservation at the restaurant next door. While he was gone I got to reflect on my first impression.

Tall.
Attractive.
Nice Smile.
Pleasant.
Good eye contact.
Made a couple of good jokes.
Engaging.
But athletic and toned like he checked in his profile? Uh, no.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm no super model and I don't have a body like Jillian Michaels, but come on. I think needing to lose 40 pounds takes you out of the athletic and toned category, don't you?

But aside from that I think he is who he says he is. I found him interesting and smart and funny. He's well traveled. He has lived overseas. He's an entrepreneur. He said he hopes to retire at 45. He was generous. He wants children. Yeah, he occasionally smokes cigars and gambles and eats too much bad restaurant food but all that would change when he gets with me, right? ;-)

We ate dinner. We laughed. We talked. We went and listened to some music somewhere else. He suggested prolonging the evening even further (it was after 1) but this single mama was tired and couldn't hang anymore. He asked me how I thought the date was, what I was looking for and I let him know I thought he was cool. I do. I like him. We hugged good-bye and that was it.

We've talked a few times since Friday, and he's still distracted on the phone but, if he asks, I'll go out with him again.

Weekly Menu Overhaul

I have got to start doubling and tripling recipes and freezing them cause this weekly cooking is too much of a lifestyle change for me and I am losing steam. Why is eating healthy so much work?!

In an effort to make things easier I have to come up with a schedule. Something like certain nights for soup and salad, specific ethnic cuisines and leftovers and just keep to the schedule. I remember my sister used to do menu planning back in the day when I lived with her in St. Thomas. She did seafood pasta one night, homemade pizza one night, beans and rice one night and some other set dishes which she then repeated the next week with occasional variations. No one complained or thought twice because they were recipes we all enjoyed.

I need to do something similar so I am devising a plan. First of all, I am only planning five dinners a week. Next I need to figure out inexpensive, nutrient dense meals that freeze well. And third, they need to be prepped ahead of time or easy to prepare after a long day at work. Sundays will be relegated to shopping, chopping, prepping and baking bread and dessert.

Here are some thoughts:
One night of Asian food
One night of Italian food
One Mexican food
Two American

Or this:
Two nights of Crock Pot Soup recipes
One night of breakfast for dinner (like pancakes and bacon or omelettes and toast)
Chicken
Fish

Or this:
Prepare one or two soups or stews for the week and supplement each night with veggie, meat or homemade bread or rolls.

Here are my Crock Pot ideas for next week's menu. (page numbers are for me to find--will post recipe when I make the decision)


Beef Brisket Stew p.260
Hamburger Soup p.258
Navy Bean Bacon Chowder p.244
Vegetable Medley Soup p. 204
Wild Mushroom Beef Stew p.262
Beef Stew with Molasses and Raisins p.266
Chicken Fiesta Soup p.274


Last week started out right but then it all fell apart. There were many factors that led to my derailed healthy eating but just these two would bring anyone down: Thin Mints and the arrival of Aunt Flo. Who can compete with that double whammy?! And I guess I don't have to even mention that I did not even open 30 Day Shred... I'm not even going to post my stats and instead give myself a pass.

But no worries! Next week is going to be better. Here's to less food prep, healthy choices and working out! And an added incentive? I have my first date with M. next week.

Dating Update

Well, I followed your advice. I told D who I was. He claimed he had no idea. I told him ball was in his court on whether to proceed because, frankly, the more I thought about it, the less interested I became. He waited five days to respond and then called. We chatted. He had to run. And I haven't heard back. And I am totally fine with that. Next.

Now on to M. He and I have been chatting on the phone for the past few weeks. We have a date coming up soon. So far so good: Masters in IT, great job, well-traveled, articulate, calls when he says he will, attractive enough. The problem with him is he is so uber distracted on the phone. I used to date someone like this and it annoyed the heck out of me! I have having to always carry the conversation. Thing was, in person that guy was very attentive; still not a great conversationalist, but at least attentive. So, I will give M. the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he's just not a phone person. Though it's pretty darn early to be distracted and inattentive on the phone. We'll see. Hopefully he's more interesting to talk to in person.

All I want to know is, 'Where are the men like Janet Jackson's man?!'
Have you seen him?
Hottie!
And he's a billionaire.
Which totally doesn't hurt.

(photo credit 365voice.com)
And did I mention how hot he is?
That's what I'm talkin' about!!

Third Time's the Charm, Right?

One of my New Year's Resolutions is to start dating again. To this end I am back doing online dating. I don't really like it but, honestly, I don't have many options. There are no men at work so the only other way I am going to meet someone is the one time I plan to get out each month or perhaps at the grocery store or gas station. So back online it is.

So I'm back on line and already something interesting has happened. Tell me what you think... When I was doing online dating about three years ago I met a really interesting man. Let's call him D. D was smart, well-traveled, bilingual, handsome and we hit it off. I was really looking forward to our first date. We agreed to meet at a Mexican restaurant and to help me find him he told me he'd be wearing a blue shirt. Full of anticipation, I drove downtown and began to look for parking. Blue shirt, blue shirt I reminded myself as I waited at a red light, and just then a man in a bright royal blue shirt crossed the street in front of my car. A skin-tight, bright blue shirt on an attractive gay man. I hope that's not my date, I joked to myself. I parked the car and walked into the restaurant and there waiting for me at the table was Mr. Bright Blue Shirt. Needless to say, the date didn't go well. I am fine with homosexual men, just not as my dates. When he called for a second date, I (not so) politely declined. When asked why I was too honest and he got angry.

Fast forward about 9 months and I meet another great man online. Handsome. Smart. Bilingual. (I guess I have a type). He suggested we meet at this cool bar in the center courtyard of a museum. Chic spot. I had never been. I was impressed. I walked up and joined him at the bar. It was a gorgeous summer evening. I felt good about how I looked and I was thrilled to be having a date with a handsome man who was so interesting and easy to talk to. We shared a glass of wine and lots of laughs and I, like so many other ridiculous women, started envisioning our future children and growing old together. And then he dropped the bomb. "You don't remember meeting me, do you?" he asked. I was taken aback. No, not at all. How would I forget a man like this? "I'm D. Remember? The one you thought was gay." My mouth fell open. How on earth could I not remember? Maybe because this time he was charming the pants off of me in his sharp Italian suit? But as he sat there telling me how offended he was after our first date he did start to look familiar. I couldn't believe it. How could I have been so wrong? This man was not gay. He was damn near perfect. But as much as I apologized he was still angry and said he had no interest in seeing me again.

I was mad at myself for being so judgemental and dismissive, but it was a lesson learned.

Fast forward to this week. I get a an email from an attractive man. I read it while glancing at the thumbnail photo. Wait. Seriously? He looks a lot like D. I open his profile and look at all the photos. Yes, it's D. Many of the photos are the same. Why is he writing me? I thought I had been written off. I read the email again. It appears he doesn't know it's me. That can't be. Maybe he's playing games? I can't tell. I write him back without letting on that I know it's him. He writes back immediately. Sure, I have changed my profile but there are three photos on there. Does he not recognize me? Maybe the fact that I now say I have a child is throwing him? I write back.

His last email tonight says, "Would you like to chat and learn more? D." and he put his phone number. I used to really like this man and I must admit I would like another date with him. I mean, part of me says to leave the past in the past but then I can't help but think that men like him don't come around every day.

Do you think he knows it's me and has had a change of heart? Do you think he's playing games? Should I fess up that I know or should I wait? Should I give him my number or suggest we meet out? The goal is to get him to remember why he was interested in me in the first place and see if we can have a second third chance. How do you think I should proceed?

And by the way, I am thinking of taking my blog in a different direction--not having adoption as the focus. I am thinking more of my life in general (eating, health, dating, traveling, etc--and how to balance it all as a single for now mom). I want to focus on --I need to focus on--finding balance. If I get a lot of comments on this post I will take it as a sign that this non-adoption topic is semi-interesting. If not, I am still probably going to change up anyway, but I would at least know someone out there was halfway interested in following along :-).

bits and pieces

I love reading all the comments I have been getting lately. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been supportive in the process and who touched by my reunion with R. and to those who celebrated my referral with me. I truly love the blogging world! You guys are great!

It's a crazy time of year with the holidays and Kindergarten assessments and parties and traveling and dating and trying to prepare for my little one's arrival! I am sad that she won't be here for Christmas-- that part is definitely tough, but I still have so much to do to prepare so I guess it's ok that I have to wait a couple more months. I still don't have a court date but I was told to expect one next week. That would be a great Xmas present! (Not as good as actually passing court, of course, but for now I'll take it. My God, it's been almost six weeks! Give me a court date already!)

Meanwhile, I have been trying to figure out what to do for Christmas. Driving to PA in December can be treacherous and they are calling for snow. On the other hand, my cousin is flying in from LA and I would love to see him and my other cousins who will be in this area so I may just stay here and wait til the 28th and go up for my mom's birthday. But to add to my indecision my mom fell on Thursday and broke her shoulder. They were unable to set it so she had to undergo surgery on Friday. That is never good--especially when you are in your 80's. So now I wonder if I should go to help out or if it makes more sense to wait until she is a bit more mobile. I just know I can't spend the entire time up there because this is 12 days that I could work on the nursery, organize my basement, pick a name (!) etc. In fact, this may be my last vacation before I travel to get anything done so I really need to utilize it.

Today we got a couple of feet of snow (why not Sunday night, why?! I could have used a few extra days of vacation...) and I spent the whole day in my pj's. It was great! I still have this lingering cold, though, so Netflix and rest was on order for today. I have a heated mattress pad and let me tell you that is one of the best inventions ever!! I can turn my heat down much lower and still be toasty warm. The falling snow was so beautiful and there was a ton of it. I should have gone out and attempted to shovel it but instead I spent most of my day in bed! Ahhh... enjoying it while I can, right?!

i did venture out once in my pj's to get this shot!

wow, that's a lot of snow!


So, a lot going on around here but I didn't want to neglect all you wonderful people out there and not say thank you!

Single Black Women Adopting

I saw this article on CNN.com and, man, can I relate! I, too, wonder how it is that marriage has so far eluded me. I tried to do everything the right way: education, fun, life experience, growth, maturity, financial and emotional security and then marriage and children. But, alas, now that I am ready (uh, and have been for the last decade!) I can't seem to find him. Clearly, there is no right way and I obviously don't have a say in God's plan for me. Ha! Well, it's good to know I am not alone...

Single black women choosing to adopt

updated 1:01 p.m. EDT, Wed July 1, 2009

By John Blake
CNN

(CNN) -- Wendy Duren thought she did everything right.

She broke off relationships with men who didn't want to settle down. She refused to get pregnant out of wedlock. She prayed for a child.

Duren's yearning for motherhood was so palpable that her former fiancé once offered to father a child with her. But he warned her that he wasn't ready for marriage.

"I get bored in relationships after a couple of years," he told her, she recalls.

Those events could have caused some women to give up their dreams of motherhood. But Duren, a pharmaceutical saleswoman, didn't need a man to be a mom. At 37 years old, she decided to adopt.

"It's the best decision I could have made in my life," Duren says, two years later. She's now the mother of Madison, a 1-year-old daughter she raises in Canton, Michigan.

"People say I have never seen you so happy," she says, "but it's also the hardest thing I've ever done."

Click HERE to read the entire article.

Why Did a Boy Have to Ruin a Perfectly Good Day??

Hattie asked me if I wanted to come over and go swimming and go out to lunch for my birthday. It rained in the morning but cleared up nicely just in time for our get together! We had such a great time. Here we are at lunch:


After lunch she insisted we stop by her favorite coffee shop for a cupcake:


"No, I'm too full.. Wait! They have chocolate cupcakes with white icing?? Yes, I'd love one!"


We were having so much fun, the weather was perfect and I was so excited to be going on a first date with a new, hot guy! I was so happy. Proof of how happy I was...


The high was not to last... stupid boys... :(
What is the deal with these men?! Seriously!!

Here we go...

I met a guy. Rob. (yes, I am putting the jerk's full name out here. He's lucky I'm not posting his phone number for you all to call him and tell him what a jerk he is! lol) Rob, Rob, Rob... Totally cute. Tall. 40. Has twins. A teacher. We chatted. He said he was single. I said we should hang out this summer since we are both off. He said he'd love to but he had just met someone who "intrigued more than most" and he wanted to see where things went with her. I wished him well.

The next day he contacted me. Said he had been too hasty and really wanted to get together. I said great but inquired about Ms. Intrigues More Than Most. He said she was talking marriage after their third date and he felt they weren't on the same page and would I like to go out on Saturday night? Yes, great! He said he wanted to drive to me (he lives about 30 minutes north) because there was more to do in my area. We agreed on 7pm. While Hattie and I were in the restaurant he called. It was 5:30pm. He said he was looking forward to getting together but still needed to run a couple of errands and could we push it back a bit? That worked out better for me, so no problem. "How do you feel about dinner, drinks and going to listen to some music?", he asked. Normally that would have seemed like a lot for a first date but I was really interested in him based on our phone conversations so I agreed. He said he was about to enter a bad calling area so was going to hang up but would research somewhere to listen to some good music and call me back. We hung up and Hattie and I talked about how perfect it was that I was having a date on a beautiful Saturday night with a new, hot guy and especially great since my birthday is on Monday. Yay! I had butterflies.

We left the restaurant and got the cupcakes. We sat outside and laughed and talked and took pictures. As we were walking back to her condo my phone rang. It was Rob. I was sure he was calling to tell me where we were going to meet. Here is what he actually said.

Hello?
Hey, it's Rob.
Hi, Rob.
Hey, look, I don't want to come down there after all.
I'm sorry, you what?
I don't want to drive down there. I don't feel like it.
I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean.
I don't feel like seeing you. I am going to go out with someone else tonight.
Wait. What?
I said, I don't feel like driving down there to see you. I want to see someone else.
Ok...
We have been talking on the phone for a month and she and I have a much better connection. We've been having like 2 hour conversations and I want to spend time with her tonight.
(I'm in total shock at this point) Um, OK..
So, that's cool, right?
Wait. What? You are going to go out with someone else tonight? (what he said is finally registering)
Yes.
Is this the woman who intrigued more than most?
No, I am done with her. I was upfront about that. This is someone else. And I am really looking forward to meeting her so I wanted to let you know.
OK. Well, yeah, thanks for letting me know.

Click.

Another Great Saturday Night

Friday night I went out with my old friend, J. (not to be confused with J from the other night) He's really fun to be around, smart, witty, no kids, we have mutual friends, he's into me... the kind of guy you want to seriously consider making permanent.

We shared some drinks, some laughs. He told me I'd make a great mom. And that he considers me 'the one that got away'. He invited me to dinner for Saturday night. I agreed. He asked me if I wanted chicken, beef, lamb or fish. I said fish would be nice. I said I'd bring wine.

I was late but cute in my sundress and heels. When I arrived, J was still cleaning his house and and no food had been prepared. No food had been purchased. "We can run to the grocery store", he said.

I was annoyed. J was very cavalier and said I was overreacting.

"Let's just go grab a drink somewhere," I suggested, but J wanted to further discuss how much I was overreacting. I did not. I told him to meet me out front. Five minutes passed. He did not come out of the house. I got more annoyed so I texted him, "bring me my wine."

He got angry. Said I was being petty. He was right but I told him the wine was for a dinner party and there was no dinner; when he had another one and there was actually dinner I would bring the wine back!

He got angry and told me to go home. I did.

Five minutes later he texted an apology. I apologized, too, but damn!


Did I overreact? Should I call him and clear the air? Or is he wrong?

(And yes, I know this is an adoption blog and this post seems to be totally irrelevant, but it is relevant! I am only 2 days into my wait for a referral so in the meantime I will date. Gotta find a daddy for my little girl! LOL)

dating woes...

I had a first date awhile back. This man has three children so it took him some serious convincing to get me to go out with him in the first place. I finally agreed when he said something like, 'You expect me to accept your daughter but you won't accept my children?' OK, guilt. Yes, I'll go out with you.

We went to a great restaurant. And we had a decent time. He was entertaining, generous, engaging. It was fun. I thanked him. He hugged me good-bye. Did I think he was the one? No. Would I have gone out with him again? Sure. At my age you keep your options open. He called me during the week expressing how much he was into me and how excited he was to have met me, etc., etc. He scheduled a date one week from our first date, the following Saturday night. We briefly talked the night before and he said he would call the next day to confirm. He did not. I ended up texting him asking him if we were going to meet in the same spot. I never heard from him.

Fast forward two weeks. Phone rings.

I had long ago erased his number so I picked up not knowing who was on the other end.

Hello?

Hey, it's J.

Oh, J. Hi.

So, how are you?

Um, fine...

What's wrong?

Do you not remember planning a date weeks ago and standing me up?

I didn't stand you up.

You did. You asked me out for Saturday night and never called to confirm.

Oh, yeah, well my phone died and I had no way of getting in touch with you.

Your phone died?

Yeah, I dropped it and it broke into a million smithereens.

I see.

I don't know if you remember but I have a Treo.

No, I didn't notice.

Remember? I'm sure I pulled it out when we were on the date. Well, anyway, I don't know if you know how they work, but you can download your address book from them onto the computer, but mine was new so I hadn't done that yet so I lost your contact information.

I see... then how were you able to contact me just now?

Oh, um, I got my phone bill and recognized your number from there. I saw it awhile back actually but I have been getting work done on my deck so I guess my priorities weren't in order. I was just so caught up with contractors.. You know how that goes.

I see. So, you were so busy with your contractors that even though you have had my information for awhile, you didn't think it was important enough to take 5 minutes out of your day to call me?

Well, yeah. It's been crazy around here. But I want to call and apologize cause I am really not like this.

(um, you actually are exactly like that but whatever) Ok.

But the good news is, my deck is done!

Great. I''m happy for you. (major sarcasm)

Well, you have my number now so give me a call sometime!

Listen, J. To be honest with you, I don't see that happening. I wasn't enough of a priority to you for you to call and apologize as soon as you were able so I really don't see myself calling you.

OK, then. Well, there's nothing I can do then.... Can I give you some advice before I go?

(No, not really) Yeah?

It wouldn't kill you to make a call every once in awhile and show your appreciation. You could show some gratitude and make a man feel like he's appreciated. I mean, I'm not suggesting you hop into bed with someone on the first date or anything, but seriously, if you are trying to make something happen in your life you need to step it up. Cause let me tell you, your competition out here is FIERCE. It is so incredibly fierce you have NO idea! I mean, you're nice and all but you need to step things up if you ever expect anything to happen for you.


Alrighty then. Where are all the decent men?

Loads of Cuteness

Yesterday I went to meet the cast of the movie.
That was surreal.

I was reminded how I can't overeat like I did on my Friday night date. We went to Lauriol Plaza. It was packed! We had to wait about 45 minutes for a table so we drank sangria while we waited. After ordering we had to wait another 45 minutes for our food where I ate almost a whole basket of chips and salsa. I ordered this amazing salmon dish with shrimp in cream sauce. It also came with black beans, rice and a few decorative veggies. OMG, delicious. Well, let's just say I am over my points allowance for the week and I don't get weighed in until Tuesday! I am so nervous that I have gained weight! Not good. Especially when I have to be on camera on July 25th. Not to mention I am paying for Weight Watchers!!!
Not cute.

Anyhoo~after meeting the (very slim and very young) cast, I stopped to get some gas. Look what I saw at the gas station! So cute! I was glad I had my camera.

As I was heading home I passed a discount furniture store nearby so I went inside. I saw a great red couch! It was on sale. I got the measurements. I need a couch so I can have company. Right now all I have is a loveseat. The red couch does not a pull out but at least I can stretch out on it and give my parents my bed when they visit. I'm thinking about it..

On my way back to the car I noticed there was a thrift shop in that same strip mall. I decided to take a look inside. It was huge! And look what I found in there? Are these not the cutest????

The SW/The Date/The Crock Pot

1. I had the "talk" with my SW. He wasn't nearly as judgemental as I thought he was going to be. He just felt the need to point out the obvious, I guess ("it's going to be more difficult"; "it's going to be more expensive"; "you would need to be surrounded by a support group," etc, etc. --uh, yeah.) In the end he agreed to change it (though I haven't seen it so I'm a wee bit nervous since he may have already sent it off to CIS...but hoping for the best!)
Now to work on that pesky dossier.

2. The Valentine's Date. We went to a lovely restaurant, built in the early 1900s.


The restaurant was originally built as a stable on the estate of General Nelson A. Miles. The individual stalls, still intact, used to house his favorite horses: Denver, Golden Pebbles and Rappahanock. You could dine upstairs in the old hay loft, or where we ate-- down by the fire-- surrounded by original harness hooks, feed boxes and saddle trees. The food was good and the wine was good. My date? He's nice. He's smart. He's attractive. I'll leave it at that since he was nice enough to let me post this picture.



3. My Crock Pot. I love that thing! Now that is the true love of my life. Or at least my new best friend. Seriously. It is the best. invention. ever. Yesterday I made taco soup and it was incredible!

Easy and delicious! I found the recipe on Stephanie's amazing blog, CrockPot365. It's the third recipe I've tried. I am going to do at least one new one a week. Why? Because I am on a mission to learn how to cook healthy meals at home to:

A. save money
B. eat healthier and
C. lose some weight.

I am determined to lose --dare I say 25 pounds by summer?-- so I can fit into my clothes, be healthier, prepare myself physically for taking care of a little one alone and heck, look cute come summer! I swear, the crock pot is one necessary component in achieving that quest. I am going to stop eating out so often, quit the mindless snacking on junk food and be more active. I already wear a pedometer every day but have yet to get to the goal of 10,000 steps in my normal routine. Clearly, I need to actually exercise to increase the total so starting today I will. Maybe I should post my weight loss results on a sidebar? Nothing like accountability to get you up off the couch! Anyone want to join me?