(this is the sign for cracker in ASL)I taught my students what the word brat means today when we were doing _at words. You know: at, sat, fat, mat, cat, flat, brat... "What's a brat?," someone inquired. "Oh, a spoiled, obnoxious child who whines like this (as I gave an example). They laughed.
Not so funny when it's your reality. Or, rather, it's a fight not to let it become your reality.
Our biggest issue is food. Sleep is good. Dropping off at daycare? Not a problem. Getting dressed/taking baths? Easy-peasy.
But food?! Oh, it is becoming a nightmare because it's becoming a daily battle. Thing is, she will eat her veggies because I put my foot down and require her to eat the (toddler-sized) serving given before she can get seconds of the food she wants. But it is a bat.tle.
Case in point. Tonight. I picked her up late. She was hungry. I was hungry. We walk in the house and she starts her demands, "I want dat. I want dat!!," as she points to the tortilla chips on the counter. "OK," I tell her, "we will have one and then I will put in Elm0 for you while I make dinner." We each eat one and then I go into the living room to put on Elm0.
I hear her screaming in the background, "Mommy! Mo! Mo crackee!" (more crackers)
(a short video of her asking for crackers, taken sometime this summer)
"No, Pumpkin," I tell her, "Mommy is going to fix you dinner. Let me peel some carrots for you to eat while you wait."
"NOOOOOOOOOO!! Crackee!!!!! Crackee!!!!!!!" and the tantrum begins.
I lead her to the step for a time out and peel the carrot.
Repeat two times.
The fourth time she comes into the kitchen and eats all the carrots. She likes carrots. Clearly not as much as crackers (I get that) but she knows I will not give in, so the tantrums just cause us both unnecessary stress.
She went on to eat some spinach with her spaghetti (as well as a banana, some applesauce and some water) but she still asked for more "crackee" at the end of the meal.
"No, Almi. You know why? Because of this: 'WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!'" as I imitated her screams. She covered her ears and looked at me like I was crazy. But she understood.
Thing is, I do hate denying her food. I don't want her to grow up with issues with food. I don't want foods to become totally forbidden so that they become more intensely desired.
I offer plenty of healthy options so the issue is not that she's hungry. There is food; this is about what she wants and doesn't want. And it makes every meal a pain in my ass. She wants "see-ul" for breakfast. "Crackee" for lunch. Crackee for dinner. In fact, she would be totally happy eating only bread and fruit at every meal. I told her tonight, "You don't tell me what you want to eat. I tell you what is for dinner." I'm sure that had absolutely no impact, but it's the truth!!
I shouldn't be eating bread or cereal or tortilla chips anyway so I guess one option is to not buy that stuff anymore. But the real issue is the demands and the screams. I should be able to have those food around without enduring a tantrum. And don't think she does it because it works, because I never give in. Never. I am strong. I refuse to give in to tantrums. I'm trying hard not to raise a brat but also because I want simply want her to eat healthy foods.
But this sucks.
(ps. Thanks for all your kind comments about her owie!)
6 comments:
First off -- she is so cute. I've known that from her pictures, but in this video I can just see how absolutely darling she is. Oh my word!
Also, just take this for what it's worth as I'm certainly no expert. I do work with Somalian refugee children, who tend to come to us with significant food issues because of past traumas (hoarding, binging, etc.). In order to help them not to overeat, we try to have every part of the meal have equal importance. So, for instance, they don't have to eat all of their food before they get dessert -- dessert is just one of the five (or whatever) things on their menu for a meal and it isn't a "reward" or "treat" for eating healthy food.
We also try to give portions of "treat" food with every meal so they don't feel deprived. So, in your case for instance, we would give a cracker or two along with her healthy foods. Often, at first, they will only eat the snack food and it feels counterproductive. After a while, however, it loses some of its allure since it's not at all forbidden. Often the kids end up eating the good stuff, and some snack good too, but eventually know to stop when they're full.
I know that running a youth center for young refugees is much different than being a mom to sweet Almi, but I wanted to offer my (very small) insight in case it might be any help to you.
Good luck! You are a great mom with a lovely daughter.
-Char
I have the same issues with my daughter. She wakes up every morning and asks for ice cream for breakfast. Every morning she is told no and every morning she has a huge tantrum. It is definitely a battle of wills. I think she is just testing over and over to see if by one chance this time I will give in lol
thanks for your comments. nevididi, glad i'm not the only one!
char,
thanks, that was very helpful actually. i think i will try putting out the entire meal upfront including dessert with more healthy stuff than dessert/crackers and when the plate of food is done, it's done. that sounds like a plan.
Girl - you are singing my song! Keira and Quint both give me this run-through at meal time. It's all about the terrible stuff and never about what I'm serving. I try to balance it - like Char says. Little bit of everything. Problem I run into is that they eat the yummies first, and then cry and tantrum for more, ignoring the rest of the truly good for them food. I'm ready to cut them off completely from snack food - so stressful! Mealtime is wartime. YAWN!
awww... so sweet but definitely typical toddler behavior. Good deal about keeping healthy snacks in the house. Perhaps you can try keeping some cut up stuff that she can get to on low tables etc. She is old enough to pick up foods and eat them at will. But not sure about time out for being hungry. seems that WILL start food issues. being hungry sucks and sometimes we express it by whining.....
Anon, I'm interested in how u would deal w the tantrums then? Just let her scream and scream while u cook? Please advise..
Post a Comment