Passing Court

First of all, thank you for all the wonderful comments of congratulations! It's so nice to share my happiness with all of you out there! So, Tuesday was such a flurry of emotions and before I forget all the details, I figure I better write them down. (By the way, sorry for going private for a couple of days but I wanted to be 100% sure I was allowed to post photos).

OK, so I knew my court date was on Tuesday and this time, unlike last week, I was a bundle of nerves. For some reason I didn't think I was going to pass last week so getting the call that I hadn't didn't come to a surprise but anticipating this one was a whole different story. I was nervous that if I didn't pass that something more serious would be going on and I was afraid of being extended for months on end or of not passing at all. To top off my nervousness, I hadn't really slept well all week. I usually sleep 7 hours like clockwork no matter what time I go to bed and at the latest I am in bed by 11. Well last week, for some reason when the 11 o'clock hour rolled around sleep was of no interest so I didn't even bother getting into bed. I'd force myself to go to asleep around 1 or 2 am and still have to be up by 7. As the week wore on, the 4 and 5 and 6 hour nights were really beginning to take a toll on me. When I don't get sleep one thing to suffer is my hair and by Tuesday I was forced to wear a hat to work to cover it up! I was a mess.
To top off getting compromised sleep, I was stressed all week because I had assessments to do and report cards and meetings with parents and other life stress. I was surviving on caffeine and carbs and I was exhausted! A couple of people asked me if I was okay so I know I was looking bad!

So, knowing I was going to get a call I had my phone with me all day. (We are not supposed to have cell phones on in the classroom, but come on). By 11 am when it still hadn't rung I thought maybe my agency had decided to email me instead so I decided to log on to the internet while my kids were in art-- but just as I made that decision, there was an announcement over the loudspeaker that our internet was down! I was sure my social worker was wanting to avoid calling me with the bad news and had resorted to email so I decided to log on via my phone. Now mind you, all my emails get delivered to my phone so there is no need to log on to the internet from my phone but that didn't register so I went ahead and tried. I wasn't able to get a connection so I gave up and walked down the hall to pick my kids up from art.

When I got to the art hallway, my mind was wandering to all the different scenarios. You didn't pass because of X. Your new court date has been scheduled for X. I'm sorry but you won't be able to adopt her because of X. The suspense was killing me. I peeked in and could hear the art teacher telling my class that I was in the hall waiting for them and to start cleaning up. At the same time I heard my phone making the sound indicating that I had a voice mail. My phone hadn't rung so I had no idea who had called but of course I immediately dialed my voicemail to hear the message.

Here is the message I heard:

"Hi Laura, it's L.A. Congratulations! You passed court! Um, J's going to be sending a travel checklist via email in just a little bit and he's hoping you that will hit the March 3rd Embassy date but it's probably going to be March 17. But anyway, he's going to shoot for March 3. Um, but you passed and that's the big deal. You passed. Congratulations. I'm on my way out the door I gotta go pick my dog from the vet but I'll back later this afternoon and you should have your email in just a little bit. Congratulations again. Take care. Bye bye."

And like that I was a mother.

Now I had every intention of photographing the phone when the call came in and I had brought my camera to school with me but without the phone ringing I wasn't able to document that! And I meant to take a picture of myself that day as well but the whole day was such an emotional high and on top of sleep deprivation I wasn't thinking very clearly!

So anyhoo, back to the call. So I listened to the message and hung up the phone standing there alone in the hallway. Somewhere in the distance I could hear, "Boys and girls, your teacher is waiting for you in the hallway. You need to clean up..." but my mind was a million miles away. I was a mother. The court in Ethiopia had declared that I was fit enough to care for this beautiful child. I was suddenly a mother. OK, maybe not so sudden considering it took 2 years, 8 months, 4 days but I must say it's exceptionally strange to go from being a childless kindergarten teacher waiting to pick up her kids from class to a being a kindergarten teacher with a daughter across the world in a matter of seconds! So I was standing out there in the hall stunned. I said a prayer of thanks to God and my eyes filled with tears. Meanwhile, my kids were forming a line inside the art room and I knew I had to go in get them which was the only thing that kept me from becoming a blubbering mess in the hallway. I walked into the art room and asked the art teacher if she had a tissue. She took one look at me and said, "Oh my gosh, are you okay? Is everything alright?" and I said something about passing court and becoming a mother and I don't even know what I said exactly but she screamed and gave me a huge hug and the two of us had to keep from crying. Meanwhile, my students were wondering what was going on and were asking us so I told her tell them the news since I had to blow my nose. :) She told them and they started cheering. So sweet! I got myself together and walked them back to my classroom where I proceeded to call my family.

What a day, I tell ya. It's such a strange feeling. It bears repeating that one second you are not a mother and the next second you are. I'm excited and nervous. I am filled with anticipation and questions!! Is this how a mother feels? I am now have a little human being counting on me to take care of her for life. It's overwhelming and humbling at the same time. Hard to imagine that it is finally here, really. I've been thinking back to when I first started this blog almost three years ago. Back then how open I was to all possibilities on becoming a mother. I had no idea how many twists and turns this path was going to take but my time is now. I am a mother and Almaz is my daughter. I will never forget that day. February 2. The day I became a mother.

(top photo was when I broke the news of my referral to my parents; bottom photo was taken at my house when I threw a party for all those who supported me in my adoption)