Good Job

I am amazed at all that was taught at Almi's daycare. She knows so much for her age, especially being a second language learner. I can definitely praise them for this. I am so proud of her. Here she is entertaining herself one afternoon with an old calendar:



I do think, though, that the focus on academics meant they didn't get enough time to play. Play is so important for children this age. Play is their work. In play, children can develop their social skills, their language and their imaginations. They can learn how to solve problems, negotiate and reason. Through play they can explore, manipulate, experiment and create. In her current daycare, their outdoor play time amounted to about an hour a day and with everything she has learned I imagine a large chunk of their day was focused on sitting and learning. As happy as I am with all she has learned, I know there is a lot of room for growth and development. She hasn't had enough opportunities to discover things on her own and she doesn't get enough time to be active. As a parent, I could have certainly filled in these gaps, but being a busy-single-impatient-over extended-exhausted-preparing-to-move-overseas parent, I haven't had the time to provide this for her and I feel badly about that. I am also 100% positive with more physical activity and a more diverse daily schedule her behavior will also improve. (By the way, no one looked at me sideways when they saw me Monday morning and when I brought it up to a few people they all said it was totally normal toddler behavior and that they didn't even really notice. Ha! That was nice of them. But in retrospect I do think that she was just having fun and it got out of control. And that I need to not be so uptight).

On my end I am going to enroll her in sports in the fall. I don't know what's available but I am leaning towards soccer, gymnastics and swimming. In addition, we will be at the pool and beach a lot and out walking around and exploring our new surrounding together. It will be good for both of us. Meanwhile, her new school subscribes to a play-based philosophy so she will be exposed to so many new things. I am thrilled! Included in her weekly schedule are the following activities:

clay & dough
drawing
collage
painting
blocks
role play/drama
reading/books
singing
dance
water play
sand play
physical play

I am beyond ready to get her into a different school environment and I feel so fortunate to have this opportunity. I hope this new schedule will help with her behavior and with her sleep. She has decided that going to sleep is no fun and is now getting only about 9 or 10 hours (including nap) down from 12 or 13. I am sure the need for sleep is an integral factor. Next week starts the summer program at the daycare where there are field trips and more creative activities and outdoor play. It will be interesting to see if this new schedule helps.

What kind of school setting do you (or did you) have your three year old in? Do you think it impacted his/her behavior or sleep? Do you use Melatonin or can you recommend a natural sleep aid?

Oh, Parenting

The other day, when I dissolved into tears after putting Almi down to bed, I got online and ordered some parenting books. As a teacher, one with excellent classroom management, it's hard to see yourself having such a hard time with your child. I mean, I can handle 20 plus Kindergartners, why can't I handle a two year old? Well, it's totally different. I don't know how but it just is. Factor in her age, her adoption, my insecurities, her needs, our personalities, my need for control, her need for control, my need for approval, her need for independence... well, it's just different. And trust me when I tell you, before I had children I really didn't like being around them (after work that is). If they were in the next booth at the restaurant I was annoyed. I didn't want to hear their whining or crying during my meal so I am extra sensitive when she acts up in public because I know most people aren't sympathetic. They want me to get her to stop.

I don't even remember what she did now and thankfully she doesn't reduce me to tears too often. I was probably just extra tired and stressed out. For the most part she is a good little girl but she likes to test me and to express her growing independence. She stomps her foot at me when she's angry (I try not to laugh because though not appropriate it is so darn cute), she yells "no!!" a lot and whines way too much. What is it with the whining?! Man, that's annoying. I don't know where she picked that up but that is one of the first things I want to stop. She's better behaved than many, but has room for improvement in my book.

So, through my tears and aggravation, I caved and ordered parenting books. That was a hard pill to swallow--I never thought I would need to do that-- but I bit the bullet and did. And I am glad I did. Why suffer through trying different techniques and strategies? Why not just do what the experts say works? And if my child's behavior is in part a reflection of my parenting, well then help a sistah out! One of the books didn't bowl me over but I am most impressed with 1*2*3 Magic. I haven't finished reading it yet but I have still started to implement the strategies. So far, so good. I'm confident when I finish the book and do it properly that it will work with her. Yes! Basically, from what I have read so far, it is used to stop behaviors you don't want (like tantrums, whining, etc.) When the unwanted behavior starts, you tell your child, "That's one" and wait to see if they change the behavior. Most two year olds won't so in a few seconds you say, "That's two" as you hold up two fingers. Again, you give the child about five seconds or so to think about the consequences of their actions. If you get to three a consequence is administered. It can be a time out (the number of minutes equaling the child's age) or taking away something of importance to them like TV or dessert or something appropriate for your household and your child's age. Then, after the time out, there is no discussion about it. Everything just goes back to normal. It avoids yelling and lectures and hitting and drama. All of which I am trying to avoid.

I know the adoption community is against time outs. The fear I guess is we don't want the child to feel a sense of abandonment all over again. I don't know if I agree with this. I mean, she would only be in time out for two minutes. She is alone for more than two minutes when I run to the bathroom, grab a phone call or if she is playing while I am cooking dinner. I don't think she will be scarred for life for a two minute time out and the beauty of it is it gives both parent an child time away from each other to cool down and think. Sometimes my time out chair is within view though I do think there is something to be said for removing a child from a situation sometimes even if he/she is adopted. And I feel my daughter is attached so that certainly factors in but in the end I guess each parent needs to decide what is best for his/her child.

There is more to it and, like I said, haven't read the whole book but it seems to be working so far. If she starts acting up and I get to 2, she yells, "No two! No two!!" and I respond, "Well, then stop doing XYZ so I don't get to 3" and she usually does. I hear that after awhile all you have to do is calmly say, "That's 1" and the behavior stops immediately. I look forward to that day!

Having my child listen to me the first time a direction is given and to be pleasant more often than no, is my goal. She's a toddler so tantrums and defiance are part of the age, but I don't want to be the parent with the screaming four year old in the candy aisle of the grocery store and I don't want to be the parent who gets calls from her Kindergarten teacher for poor choices in school. She's only two but I got my first taste of that the other day when I got Almi's report card. It wasn't a total shock since they have been telling me for a couple of months now that she is having a hard time listening, but it is hard to see it in black and on her formal report card. For posterity.



My goal is to have the 4th reporting period end on a good note. I want to see them write that she has done an excellent job with listening or improved her listening skills or something like that. I know we can't completely control how our children act, and some children have physical, emotional or mental health issues that make compliance more difficult, but we can still try to instill values and appropriate behavior into our children--even our toddlers! They may not become ingrained until they are 25 but at least we can try. Or at least I will try.

**P.S. - Happy 86th birthday, Dad! ♡♡♡ I love you!! ♡♡♡

So Determined!

The other night I was in the kitchen doing dishes and Almi was in the other room watching a video when I heard her making very loud noises on the steps. I went to see what all the commotion was and this is what I saw.



That little girl is so clever and so determined! Don't cha know she dragged that heavy thing all the way upstairs by herself?! And here's why. LOL




Feeling pretty proud of herself.

C

"Look, Momma! C!"



What Pumpkin?

"C!"



Show me, Pumpkin.

"See, Mama? C!"



Oh! That is a C! Good job, baby!

First Conference

I had my first parent/teacher conference on Friday. It was supposed to be a 15 minute conference but I held her captive for 45 minutes getting every detail I possibly could about my child. :)

She said Almi is popular and smart and happy! Wow. Does it get any better than that? She said she is the second smartest in the class but also the second youngest. She picks up concepts quickly for her age, with only 2-3 exposures. They have been working on letters A-F, numbers 1-6, circle, oval, triangle, rectangle, square, star and the colors pink, red, yellow, brown, blue, green. They also work on fine motor skills like coloring and cutting. She said overall her progress is excellent. I am so proud of her! One funny anecdote, they are learning the letters in their name and she said she put NAOMI in front of her and asked her to identify the letters. She said Almi said, "M-A-oval-M-I" How cute is that?! She said she plays alone but also with other children. She is no longer stealing kids' food or taking food out of the trashcan. She is really focused when they are learning new things, scrunching her face up and concentrating hard. She likes listening to stories and is very affectionate. Here is a quote her teacher said (you know during the conference I was frantically scribbling things down!) "Naomi is playful and funloving. She is happy. Every day she surprises me (with what she has learned). I'm so happy."

She had three concerns: The first one is biting. She said she gets frustrated when kids take her things (still working on sharing) and twice Ms. Edse caught her about to bite a child. This needs to be nipped in the bud and her teacher is working on it, thankfully, because she can get kicked out for biting! Another concern she had was she said it appears to her that one of Almi's legs is kind of bent in. Although she runs without falling, she said she noticed it when she runs. I hadn't noticed but I am going to look into that. Her other concern is speech! Just like her doctor, she said she is concerned about it-- and not in the learning a second language way. She said it appears to be more of an issue with articulation. Interesting. That's two professionals who have expressed concerns about that (her teacher and her pediatrician) so I am now certainly going to look into that. She said in her opinion two years old is too young for speech therapy and for the most part she is able to understand her because she is with her every day (me as well) but it is definitely something I should watch.

As I have mentioned before, her teacher is Ethiopian. We briefly touched on her adoption and I shared a bit of her history and spoke about all the orphaned children in Ethiopia and her teacher started crying! She is such a sweet person and clearly cares for my daughter. We are very blessed.

The Alphabet Song

Too funny! Little Sweetie.