Wow, a month already! Actually it's been a little over a month and boy has she changed! The most important change is she is attaching. That scowl that she had for new people or when she was frustrated or grieving is dissipating. I see it from time to time, but very, very rarely. I think that means she believes I am here to stay. She still won't go to just anyone and even when she does she will often reach for me after awhile. She is definitely more secure. It's great. I get to see a really happy baby. She laughs all day and she will give me kisses spontaneously. It's great. (I have to repeat that). She brings me so-o-o-o much joy. Here is a list of her latest and greatest:
Words she says:
baba (for bottle but also other random things)
abey (Amen)
emmmay (momma in Amharic.. she does say momma occasionally)
peebee (Peekaboo)
doggie (when she sees a dog or a squirrel)
sock
yay!
uh eeh (uh oh)
bye-bye
hi
owie
uppy (not sure if this is "up" or "help me")
crackee (cracker)
baby
beep beep
Words she can sign:
banana, cat, dog, milk, eat, all done, hot, more and cracker
* see more of why I teach her how to sign below *
Her receptive language is impressive.
She understands when I tell her I need to wipe her nose, that I have to go to the potty, that it's time to eat, to go get her sock or shoe, that it's time for a diaper change, outside, banana, hot, water, time to do her hair, brush her teeth, go in the car and I'm sure lots more!
Things she loves to do:
point
play with phones (or pretend other objects are phones)
be outside
listen to music, play instruments and dance
take a bath/play in water
eat (her favorite by far!!!)
and pray!Things she doesn't like:
taking naps
getting her diaper changed
when meals are over
Look how short that list is! She is pretty good natured, thankfully. We are in a good groove, enjoying each other as we get to know each other. I am taking another month off and now won't go back til May. I am still waiting to hear if I have been approved for paid medical leave in which case I will be home even longer.
And now some stuff about me:
*** My muscles, especially my arms, ached for the entire first month. It was like being on a weight lifting program but without the days of rest in between. My elbows even hurt. It was brutal. I had to take Advil constantly. Only now in month 2 am I feeling some relief. Still in pain, but manageable.
*** My life consists of cooking, cleaning, entertaining, changing diapers, doing laundry and repeating the same language over and over. Let me address each one individually:
Cooking: I am eating way healthier and the money I'll spend on the tripled water bill will be paid by not eating out in restaurants. I have lost weight and I eat a more balanced diet. I want to feed her healthy foods and be a good example (...which means I sneak cookies and ice cream at night after she's asleep :) ...but I don't do it very often)
Cleaning sucks. No other way around it.
Entertaining her. Well, it can be monotonous but also really fun! We spend a lot of time dancing and being outside. I laugh all the time. She cracks me up! She has the funniest faces and does the funniest things as she's exploring this big world.
Diapers. Hate them! Well, the poopy ones. She is still having loose stools (sorry, TMI) so it's brutal on me. The doctor thinks she must have some sort of allergy but we haven't been able to pinpoint it. I read somewhere the most likely cause is a milk allergy so I have taken her off dairy again. I'm not super rigid about it. I don't read labels and look for lactose. I just do the major things: no milk, cheese, ice cream but I may need to go more hard core to see if that's the culprit. She tested negative for Giardia twice and the smell has definitely gotten better but diapers really suck. I am going to potty train her this summer!!
Laundry: I do a load almost every day. The folding and putting away? Way overdue. Sigh.
Repeating the same language over and over... oh, you mothers of babies and toddlers understand. Or maybe it's just the teacher in me. I remember reading somewhere that in teaching, children need at least 50 exposures to master something. I repeat the same things over and over and over and over and over again. I don't mind. I want her to learn the language. She signs some things and that helps with our communication but most of the time it's me saying cup, ball, light, key, blue, yellow, red, water, cracker, shoe, sock, etc. etc. Baby Signing Times videos help a lot. She learns the signs but she is also exposed to oral language. I only own the first volume but she has watched it about 50 times. I am sure she learned almost as much vocabulary from it as she has from me. A couple of people have questioned my teaching her sign language but I know I am doing the right thing. Click here and here and here to read how it benefits hearing children.
*** I am T.I.R.E.D. I often nap when she naps or go to bed when she goes to bed out of sheer exhaustion. I am a single parent with no money for a housekeeper or a nanny and I knew that going in. I knew I would have to do it all. But what I hadn't planned on was coming home with a toddler. I thought she would be under 12 months or just a little bit older and certainly not walking. I thought I'd be able to throw my baby in the snuggly and do my housework, art projects, blogging, etc. Well, a toddler will not allow you to do those things. At least not without a protest! She wants my attention and she deserves it to a certain extent but I am losing my balance. I need a babysitter. I need to be able to go out and have adult conversations and activities. And I want a nice restaurant meal or to watch a movie or time to read or shop leisurely. A friend of mine offered to come watch her this week so I could go on a date. I could just die of happiness!!
*** I am getting nothing done... to piggyback on the above statement about being tired. I am lucky if I get to do more than one or two errands a day. After breakfast I can usually go to the bank or Targ*t or grocery store but that's about it. Then we come home have lunch and naps and in the afternoon I play with her or take her to the park and can maybe get one thing done at home -- cook a meal, do laundry, check the internet. But I am woefully behind on so many things. Sure things like cleaning, coloring my hair, doing her baby book can wait (to a point) but other things need my immediate attention (bills, getting her social security number, writing thank you notes) and I am not getting to them. Maybe I am more attentive than most parents? Or maybe she's more needy? I don't know but it's getting out of control and I need to figure it out. I guess I could ignore the blog but I love to write and I want a record of our time together. Maybe if I start exercising and taking vitamins more regularly I will have more energy and not need to nap when she naps. That would give me an extra 1-2 hours a day. I do plan on going back to the gym next week. They have childcare. I think she will be fine for an hour playing there.. not that that will give me any more time but hopefully more energy. I don't know how to manage it all. Serious kudos to single parents who have it down. Please give me advice!
*** I don't worry about stupid, inconsequential stuff anymore.. like why some stupid boy didn't call or isn't acting right. In fact, one of the best things about having a child is I stopped thinking about men cold turkey. Well, the jerks. I still dream of and pray for a good guy all the time but all those buttheads who took up my thoughts are so not important. Can I tell you how much I love that?!
*** I feel less like the babysitter and more like the mom. Still not 100%. Can I remember life without her? Yup, it's crystal clear. Do I miss that old life? Sure do. A lot. But is she the best thing that ever happened to me? You better believe it. Right up there with good health, my great family, safety and international travel :)
*** I am attaching to her more and more each day. I love to see her happy. I can see how kids become spoiled. I miss her when gone from her too long, which at this point is only at night. I often pick her up and hug her before I go to bed and sometimes that's just not enough and I put her in bed with me. One night when I was feeling particularly sad I put her in bed with me and held her hand til I fell asleep. Aw. Love that little muffin.
20 comments:
Glad she is doing so well - she certainly is adorable! I still have had very few breaks (a few babysitters) and its been a year!! My child was very clingy and needy when she came home - I am only now thinking I can start getting out more. Sounds like Naomi is way more secure than Holly ever was. And I get you on the bringing home a toddler versus a baby. Its hectic! I still nap when Holly does on the weekends. I know I could be getting all kinds of things done but napping is just so nice! Can't wait to meet the two of you.
Delurking to say that your little princess looks just like you! What a deep reason to delurk right? : )
I became a single mom about a year and a half ago when I adopted my son. He was 2 when he came home so I identify with all that you said. I was frustrated with myself because I'd have a long list of things to get done and all I wanted to do when he napped was sleep or watch TV. I was prepared to love my son overwhelmingly but I was not prepared for the overwhelming mom guilt. I always feel like I "should" be doing more. Remember that God made you Naomi's mother and trust yourself to know what is right. Do what you have to do but give yourself a lot of grace. Your life has changed for good but you will get used to your new normal in time.
The best advice I can give you about getting things done is just to give it more time. There's a learning curve and you are the very, very, very beginning of it! So am I, really, and I have to keep reminding myself of that - we are not going to be back up to speed in terms of being able to get things done for at least 6 months into this (so I have heard from several people).
It will also get easier as she gets a little older...I am learning how to let Elfe help me with the stuff that needs to get done - she WANTS to help - and sometimes on the weekend she can skip a nap if we are out and about doing things (can't skip her nap both days of the weekend though, which I've learned the hard day).
Just get done the most essential stuff and cut yourself some slack for now.
What a great post. You make me feel like a terrible blogger. I just don't have anything to say!
So real and true. She is precious. I'm all teary now.
Becky
That was a wonderful post. You sound very happy. I don't have advice for getting more energy except the gym really does help. I know exactly what you mean about not getting stuff done and I hate to say it but it doesn't really get any better :-( because as your girl gets older the weekends get filled with lots of activities. I have so many house projects that just are not as important to me any more. My yard used to be the prettiest on the block, not anymore.
HOooray, you're doing GREAT! Take it one day at a time. I've had my baby for 19 months with a hubby and my house still has it days when I wonder what's the point in cleaning, I'm still exhausted, her baby book is still not done, so don't sweat. When it needs to get done it will. You're doing the MOST IMPORTANT thing right now, taking care of your baby. Just don't forget to pay the light bill ;>
This entry shows way I check your blog almost everyday. I can certainly relate to what you are going through. We have been together for almost 7 months and I have learned to accept and love my new "normal". The house is no longer spotless everyday and I am always at least a little bit tired but I wouldn't change it for the world. By the way, when you do your daily load of laundry, remember to include your clothes sometimes. I couldn't figure out why I never seemed to have clean clothes after doing tons of laundry until I realized that in trying to keep her hamper empty, I totally forgot to check my own hamper. Tonya
Even if she was a baby you would still get nothing done. Take it from the mother of an 8 month old... Twinkle doesnt even nap for more than 20 minutes at a time so I dont even get that time to do anything. I tell people, if you are coming to see us, come on over, if you are coming to see the house dont bother!
Naomi sounds like she is doing wonderfully! I am so glad that she is attaching well (and not wanting to go to others is proof)... You will figure out how to fit stuff in. Once you get into the groove you get more stuff done. Not everything but more than before. I do about 5 loads of laundry each Sunday.. My kitchen is often a mess and I cant seem to get my recycling done. But it is more important to roll on the floor and play with Twinkle and her toys. Enjoy your time with your amazing little baby girl!
hugs to you both, R & A
What a lovely post! And the photos are delicious! I love that gray sweater!!!
I don't think you'll get that much more done in the next two or three years. At least I didn't until Quinn was about five years old. I had to give up a lot.
Motherhood is what your doing and that takes up pretty much all the time there is.
I so agree about the signing. We did it with Quinn and I know it helped him. He was rarely frustrated as he was able to 'tell' us what he wanted long before his mouth was able to make those sounds.
She is to adorable for words.
Oh and you do need to get out. I wish I were closer I would come and babysit. Call on your friends, don't wait for them to call you. Tell them you need some time and would they watch her.
thanks for this post. you are doing amazing!
We had to do four stool sample tests before one came back positive for Giardia. After the first 3 came back negative, our ped wanted to call it quits, but I was adamant- pretty much all the kiddos that came home from the care center had giardia. It didn't make sense that my guy wouldn't have it. Sure enough, the fourth time was the charm. Stick to your guns and have them keep retesting. Once Gav was treated, it made a world of difference.
As for your day to day stuff, I wrote something to my blog yesterday that is so incredibly similar! (Maybe not the topic itself, but the content.) (http://www.convergentpaths.com/post.php?&entryid=480) Tough times but wonderful times too.
It took four stool sample tests before our little guy tested positive for giardia. After the third test, our ped wanted to call it quits, but all the other kiddos were coming home from the care center with giardia. It made no sense at all that my son didn't have it. Sure enough, the fourth sample was the charm. Stick to your guns, and have them keep retesting. Once Gav finished his medication, there was a huge difference. A GOOD difference! :-)
As for the other stuff, I can totally relate. I just wrote a post yesterday to my blog with many of the same things. (Maybe not the topic, but the content for sure.) (http://www.convergentpaths.com/post.php?&entryid=480) This time is so wonderful and so tough all at the same time!
No advice...you're doing great (heck, I'm using your schedule to follow)!
NTA...not advice, but a reminder for boosting energy: Drink plenty of water EVERY day!
PS: Amanda-The-Lurker notices how Naomi and you look alike (so I'm not the only one to see it)!!!!! :)
thanks for all the advice and suggestions... i had a date tonight so i am so happy about that! i feel so much more balanced! and today i skipped our nap and i got so much done... today was a good day i guess but i am going to keep all your comments in my head as i commence. thanks
Hang in there! You're doing great! From one tired, no-date-having, messy-house-living-in, missing-restaurant-eating-and-wine-drinking, single Mom to another. :)
One hint on the loose poopy diapers that someone shared with me and I find sooo helpful:
Put the new diaper UNDER the old one before you start the change. It doesn't sound like it would work, but it does. Then use the old diaper front to wipe away all the poop, fold the dirty diaper away and under and remove. Wipe with a wip and voila! Easy peasy no matter WHAT'S in there!
A1S - thanks for the tip. she has SOOO much sometimes that that would not help but i will try it for some.
OMG this is a beautiful post, Laura.
I have a load of reading to catch up on your blog (you've been prolific!) but I'm glad I read this post through. Your daughter is a sweet angel.
hazel
p.s. LOVE that you had a date already! How was it???
Blog owner's mom just has to tell all you kind thoughtful blogging sisters how much I appreciate all your sisterly and insightful comments. Thank you, all bloggers, and hurray for blogging!
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