Ultimate Blog Party

Has anyone heard of the Ultimate Blog Party? Well I hadn't (until I read it on Christie's blog) but it sure sounds like fun! If you are visiting from UBP, welcome! If you have no idea what I am talking about, click on the link above to take you to the site of the women who started it.

Here's a little about me.

I'm a 40-something, photography-loving, nap-missing, husband-wanting, wine drinking, celebrity gossip-loving, adventure-seeking, world traveling Kindergarten teacher... and a new mom to the most adorable baby on the planet!! This is me:

It's a terrible photo!! I'm really much cuter but who has time for makeup and covering grey anymore? ;-D

But now, now this little munchkin is downright perfect! Look at her!! This is my new baby:

Aw... love her! She is a water-loving, risk-taking, kiss-giving, banana-loving honeybun. Isn't she the sweetest thing ever? I'm so lucky! She just came home from Ethiopia six weeks ago! I have never been so happy (or so tired!)

UBP has some great prizes. I would love to win US18 - Goodie Basket for Moms, US95 - $100 to spend at restaurants.com, USC13 - $100 Kay Jewelers gift certificate or US60 - copy of Life Simplified or any of the Target, Macy's or Amazon.com gift certificates. Who would like to win some free stuff? I know all OF us broke post-adoption folks WOULD!! I thought I'd take some of my (nonexistent) extra time and join the party!

If you stopped by from UBP, please leave me a comment so I can check out your blog as well! (And maybe you can also tell me how to get rid of the rectangle hanging out at the end of the post. What is it doing there?! Strange).

Each New Day Brings Possibilities!

I had a really shitty week. Well, it started out that way anyway.

Work stuff.
Man stuff.
Personal stuff.
World stuff.

I cried.

A lot.

But as the week progressed, it got better. Through conversation and corroboration; realization and cessation; confrontation and determination; information and donations... my tears stopped.

Although I often feel alone, I really am not. I am surrounded by love and support. Sometimes those of us who live alone-- sole breadwinners forced to take care of everything by ourselves--sometimes we feel overwhelmed. Sometimes we forget that there are people who want to support us. Being 100% responsible for everything can get overwhelming for me at times but then I am reminded that there are a lot of people who care, who love me and who love my daughter.

This week, along with the stress of my life, I was also overwhelmed by the outpouring of support I received from friends and acquaintances --most of whom didn't even realize I was having a rough week. I got wisdom and support from friends. Some with thoughtful conversation, another in cards. Two people I just met last week reached out in unexpected ways: one, an adoptive parent herself, alerted me to resources in the community for adoptive parents; another, with his children grown and living on their own, said he'd be available to be part of my village if I needed him. In addition to all that, several people gave gifts --diapers, a changing pad, clothing and a lovely, decorated canister where I can store notes I write to my daughter. I also got word that people from my agency will be traveling to Ethiopia soon. One will take photos of my girl and the other will bring her gifts. Almost all of the people who reached out to me this week I barely know and several I have never met! It's a nice reminder that I am meeting people all the time--through work, volunteering, the internet, through friends, etc. --and you never really know why that person has been brought into your life or how they are going to affect you.

Each new day is the possibility for something wonderful and new. I love that!

bits and pieces

I love reading all the comments I have been getting lately. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been supportive in the process and who touched by my reunion with R. and to those who celebrated my referral with me. I truly love the blogging world! You guys are great!

It's a crazy time of year with the holidays and Kindergarten assessments and parties and traveling and dating and trying to prepare for my little one's arrival! I am sad that she won't be here for Christmas-- that part is definitely tough, but I still have so much to do to prepare so I guess it's ok that I have to wait a couple more months. I still don't have a court date but I was told to expect one next week. That would be a great Xmas present! (Not as good as actually passing court, of course, but for now I'll take it. My God, it's been almost six weeks! Give me a court date already!)

Meanwhile, I have been trying to figure out what to do for Christmas. Driving to PA in December can be treacherous and they are calling for snow. On the other hand, my cousin is flying in from LA and I would love to see him and my other cousins who will be in this area so I may just stay here and wait til the 28th and go up for my mom's birthday. But to add to my indecision my mom fell on Thursday and broke her shoulder. They were unable to set it so she had to undergo surgery on Friday. That is never good--especially when you are in your 80's. So now I wonder if I should go to help out or if it makes more sense to wait until she is a bit more mobile. I just know I can't spend the entire time up there because this is 12 days that I could work on the nursery, organize my basement, pick a name (!) etc. In fact, this may be my last vacation before I travel to get anything done so I really need to utilize it.

Today we got a couple of feet of snow (why not Sunday night, why?! I could have used a few extra days of vacation...) and I spent the whole day in my pj's. It was great! I still have this lingering cold, though, so Netflix and rest was on order for today. I have a heated mattress pad and let me tell you that is one of the best inventions ever!! I can turn my heat down much lower and still be toasty warm. The falling snow was so beautiful and there was a ton of it. I should have gone out and attempted to shovel it but instead I spent most of my day in bed! Ahhh... enjoying it while I can, right?!

i did venture out once in my pj's to get this shot!

wow, that's a lot of snow!


So, a lot going on around here but I didn't want to neglect all you wonderful people out there and not say thank you!

Her Eyes

Have you ever experienced something so unbelievable that you had to pinch yourself to believe it was real? For some reason, I have been having a lot of those moments lately. The day before Thanksgiving I had one of those moments. I experienced something so fulfilling and so heartwarming, yet at the same time so surreal. And it was incredible.

When I was volunteering in Ethiopia I connected with many of the children, but there was one little girl in particular with whom I bonded very strongly. She was a toddler, a few months shy of two, and bonding with her was something you wouldn't expect. To begin with, as you can imagine, there was a language barrier. She spoke Amharic, I English, so we were not able to exchange words. In addition, there were few toys in the orphanage so we weren't able to play together. Instead, I would dress her, do her hair or sit with her while she ate her food. I would smile at her and give her kisses and hugs. Sometimes we would just sit together on the stoop and look out into the courtyard. Most of the time she would sit on my lap and we would play hand games and communicate with each other with our eyes and our smiles. I spent many, many hours looking into the eyes of this little girl.

After a couple of weeks we had truly bonded. When I would go onto the Wanna House compound (where the babies and toddlers lived) she would come running over to me with a huge smile and I would sweep her up into my arms and cover her with kisses. Man, I loved that little girl. If she hadn't already been matched with a family I would have brought her home. I knew she had bonded with me, too, when she would start to cry when I had to leave for the day. Here are a couple of photos of us hanging out together in the orphanage.

The last day I was in Ethiopia I went to spend some one on one time with R. She was sleepy as it was her naptime but the caregivers knew I was leaving and they didn't say anything. She sat with me as I tried not to cry.

I knew I was going to miss her so much and not knowing where she was going or how was she was going to be with her new family was very, very difficult. I don't know if she understood what was happening or she was just tired, but her reaction that last day made it much more difficult. I gave her one last kiss and put her down in her crib and walked away. I never thought I'd see her again.

When I got back to the States, I thought about R. a lot. I often wondered how she was doing and if she was happy with her new family. Sometimes I literally ached thinking about it, I missed her so much. After a few months I posted about her on my blog and to my amazement I got this comment:

"Oh my gosh- I just stumbled across your blog and you are holding my daughter at Wanna!!!! She's a real cutie, isn't she :) We brought home R. and her brother M. in September. I would love to know if you have any more pictures of the kids, so please email me if you're willing to share. Thank you!"

It was R's mother! At first I was worried that she would be mad that I had posted a photo of her daughter but also so excited!! I could find out where she was living and how she was doing. Well, she wasn't mad and we sent a few emails back and forth, I sent her the photos I had of R. and best part of all I found out she had a blog! It was so wonderful to know that I could now see her daughter growing up by a click of the mouse. I thought it couldn't get any better than that.

Well, let me tell you, it got better than that! A few weeks ago I got an email from R's mother saying the whole family was going to be in DC for Thanksgiving and did I want to join them for dinner! Did I?! I couldn't believe my good fortune. I was so overwhelmed that they would contact me and extend the invitation and I was so excited! We met at an Ethiopian restaurant for dinner and I found myself staring into the eyes of that same little girl. The same little girl who I now know is happy and healthy and thriving and loved. It was such a joy. I felt like my heart would burst. Little R, now 3, is just as delightful and sweet as I remembered her and I honestly feel that once she looked into my eyes that she remembered me, too. It was such a special evening.

one of the most joyful moments I have had in a long, long time

planting a kiss on her cheek once again!

Blog World

Thanks for all the encouraging comments re: becoming a single parent. This blog is like an open journal so I am open and exposed and raw about my feelings. That said, I only post a portion of the what and the why. For one that would be completely boring to people other than myself but also my every thought and feeling don't need to be presented to strangers! I do read all of the comments, though, and use the advice of strangers and blog friends-- especially those who have done this before me-- to help me in this process. So thank you!

Clothes Contest - update

Well, my first contest was fun! I got 7 comments and out of those seven no one guessed the exact number of dollars I spent on that huge pile of clothes. Maybe I wasn't being fair cause it was kind of a trick question... I spent $0 ~ someone gave them all to me for free! I went on Freecycle and asked if anyone had girl clothes up to size 2T and someone wrote me back saying she has twin girls and tons of clothes to give away. So I drove to her house and met her and her daughters; then she dragged this ginormous suitcase down the steps, unzipped it, and let me take whatever I wanted! It was amazing! I didn't pay a dime (well, except for the gas to get there) and she said we should keep in touch cause her twins will keep on growing! Since I don't have any nursery furniture yet, I hung up all the dresses in my closet and gosh if they don't look so darn cute hanging there.

Truth is, though, I need to stop buying clothes. I'm glad I've gotten some free stuff --or at least haven't paid too much money for clothes yet-- because I have no idea what age/size she will be at referral. For all I know I will get a referral of a toddler and most of these clothes will be too small! So, no more buying clothes for the rest of the summer. I am going to sit tight and wait to find out who she is first.

So Shawn, you didn't guess exactly correct but you were the closest to $0 with your guess of $10. If the blogging community doesn't mind, I will send her the gift or better yet meet her and bring it with me because she lives in my area. Congratulations to everyone for playing!

Charlie!

Yesterday I got to meet Charlie, the adorable daughter of Adopting1Soon (who might need a new name unless she is in the process of another adoption!). Her mother just got back from picking up Charlie in Addis and since she's in my area for a few days she and Tami and I decided to meet for lunch. It was really fun meeting and getting to know a blogging world friend in person and she was so nice and so generous with her new baby. I got to hold and kiss that cutie patootie. :) Charlie is such a sweet, good-natured baby. I hope I am so lucky!

Adopting1Soon, it was so good to meet you.
I hope we keep in touch! :-)

My First Award

Yay! I got a blog award! I started blogging almost two years ago and who knew there was such a huge blogging world out there?! I had no idea. And even though it's an enormous time sucker, I love blogging and reading other people's blogs! Thanks, Tami.

In order to receive this award, I have to list five addictions:

Hmm... let's see.

1. blogging!
2. taking pictures
3. facebook
4. The Bachelor
5. sugar

Yikes! No wonder I'm fat! lol :(
(note to self: learn how to get addicted to celery and exercise!)

Directions:
You have to pass it on to 5 other fabulous bloggers in a post. You have to list 5 of your fabulous addictions in the post. You must copy and paste the rules and the instructions. On your post of receiving this award, make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them.

So now I will pass the award on to:
1. Adopting1Soon~ You post relavant topics practically every day. How is that possible?
2. Kerri ~ adorable girls and interesting posts!
3. Christie ~ thought-provoking posts and a damn cute son!

Whoa. Five? Really? There are tons of blogs I read and love but without some sort of exchange with the author, I doubt they will post the award from some wacko stalker so I'll leave it at three. :)

20,000 Hits?! .. and still no further in the process... Sigh

I've been watching my ticker lately and it's been creeping up ever so slowly. Today it finally reached 20,000 hits! Wow! When I started this blog, it was just for my close friends and family. But now, almost two years later most friends and family don't even check in. I know my mom checks it every once and awhile but no one else in my family reads it. Maybe a few friends read it but mostly it's folks whom I have never met; really nice and supportive people all over the world. Who knew it was going to blossom into such an obsession wonderful way to connect with other PAPs and APs! I love my blog! It makes me happy.

This time last year I was debating about going overseas and ultimately decided to do it before adoption. It was strange to go back and read those old posts and really discouraging to feel that in many ways I am in the exact same place. I didn't get to move overseas this year but I didn't get my baby either! In fact, I am doing the exact same thing - trying to complete my homestudy. (grrr) For the past several weeks two of my good friends, Hattie and Tracy, have been calling me every night to talk overseas jobs.

Hattie taught in Brussels and right outside of London for a total of five years abroad and she swears by overseas teaching:

"Laura, you'd love teaching abroad!"
"Your colleagues will be interesting and well traveled."
"You won't have behavior problems."
"You can travel the world and still save tons of money."
"Come on! Let's go together!"


Tracy has never taught overseas and is more practical in her approach but also has a good angle.

"You know you've always wanted to teach overseas."
"You don't want to be in the exact same spot next year wishing you had done it."
"Do it now before you adopt--it'll be so much easier."
"C'mon! Let's go!"


Hattie:

"You know childcare is so much more affordable overseas."
"You could afford a live in nanny!"
"There are so many more men your type in that type of setting... other men who love to travel."
"You could meet someone in the diplomatic core or in international development."
"We could share an apartment to save even more money!"
"Come on! Let's go together!"


Tracy:

"Your whole adoption could be paid for in one year!"
"Imagine being able to pay off any remaining debt!"
"Go now before you get settled into a routine here with your child."
"You can even rent your house out and make even more money."
"C'mon! Let's go!"

Dang.
They are both right.
I want to go.
But I can not adopt from overseas. I already tried that. Didn't work.
But this time of year is so difficult because it's job fair season. The wanderlust in me gets all worked up and I foam at the mouth thinking of the exciting life I could have if I lived abroad. And the crazy thing is, I already have lived abroad more than many people I know so you would think I'd be satisfied (a year in Nigeria, seven months in France, ten months in St. Thomas,USVI) but sadly I am not. I still want to go.

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna!

I thrive off of experiencing new lands, traveling to parts unknown, learning about new cultures, trying new foods, living an amazing life. And right now things just don't seem all that amazing. They are downright humdrum at times.

So as I work on seemingly never-ending adoption paperwork I pray that my child will arrive in 2009 so I have the option of attending the job fair in February 2010. Will I want to go next year, once I am a parent? I don't know. But living a remarkably life is so important to me so right now I trying hard to suppress the urge to run off...

A few pictures from Senegal, Dubai and Ethiopia...







I miss you big world! But I will see more of you at some point, I guess...

On a happier note, how 'bout The Bachelor?! Last night was so good! He's cute. I think he's really feeling the ex-cheerleader and the hot dog girl. I like Sophia's mom (the one he has the date with next week) but I think she's too serious and mature for him. He seems to like the happy go lucky ones without any baggage. The light and breezy type who Sophia's mom most definitely is not. I also think it''s high time he axed the lacrosse coach. She is so negative and has a major chip on her shoulder. Right?!

Impromptu Holiday Party

My neighbor, Allison, and I tend to talk on the phone on our way to work. With our busy schedules and her having a baby at home it's so hard to catch up, but driving to and from work is a good 30-minute uninterrupted block of time. So on Friday we were busy chatting and out of the blue she says, "Hey! Let's have a holiday party! I'll host!" So twelve hours later we were laughing and singing Christmas carols and drinking wine with neighbors and good friends.

me and Allison

Yay! Tami was there!

Allison's daughter, Tatiana (my Goddaughter)

good times


NaBloPoMo #19 theme:thankful

Tagged!

I was tagged by Haze to post 10 Random Things about myself.

Here are the rules:

Choose 5 people to tag and a reason you chose each person (can be totally nonsensical.) Leave them each a comment directing them to your blog so they know they are it. You can't tag the person who tagged you. As a courtesy to the person who tagged you, please let them know when you have posted so they can have the sheer delight and extra work load of reading your answers.

Hmm... gosh, let's see....

1. In high school my friends entered me into a banana eating contest. I came in second even though I ate like eight bananas in a minute. Yuck. I don't even really like bananas. (peer pressure)

2. I read Coming of Age in Mississippi when I was in the third grade because my 16 year old sister had just read it. Can we say inappropriate? Too many adult themes that I didn't understand.

3. I took voice in high school. I loved it. When I was in Rome with my family, my mother convinced me to sing an Italian aria for the owner of the pensione.

4. When I press on my left eye I get an instant headache. I just went to the ophthalmologist to figure out why. He was just as baffled. :-/
(have another appt. on Wednesday)

5. I just watched An Officer and a Gentleman (for the hundredth time) and cried. Pathetic, I know, but I am a die-hard romantic!

6. I lived in St. Thomas for 10 months in my early twenties. I worked in a touristy T-shirt shop during the day and cocktail waitressed at night. I loved it and would have stayed longer but my mother told me to come home and get a "real" job.

7. I applied to be on The Amazing Race with my cousin. I love that show!!! Unfortunately we didn't even get an interview. But I am about to have my own international adventure, so it's all good. Oh!!! But I recently found out there is an Amazing Race Asia and I can view both in the Philippines! Hearing that made my day!

8. I love chocolate and vanilla mixed. Fudge? Too rich and chocolately. Vanilla milkshakes? Boring. But anything with the mix is great in my book--chocolate cupcakes with white icing, Oreo milkshakes, Milanos, chocolate chip cookies with just few small chips, Oreo or chocolate chip ice cream, etc. Bring it on!!!

9. I love old school hip hop: Biggie, Eric B, MC Lyte, Grandmaster Flash, Whodini, Nice and Smooth, Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul, LL, EPMD, Doug E. Fresh, etc. Back when the beat and the tracks were bangin' and the lyrics didn't spew misogyny and violence. :-/

10. There's almost nothing that a nap can't fix. Love my naps.


Now, who to tag? Gosh, I'm such a blog stalker and read sooo many blogs but most of them have already been tagged! OK, but since Haze said I had to tag 5 folks, I'll tag Jennifer because she might appreciate a fun post to write to take her mind off the the long wait for Holly, ZZ's mommy cause ZZ is just so darn cute, Bek cause she is just so darn funny!! ...and that's all. (lame, I know~I can't think of two more. These three people don't even know me and probably think I'm crazy for even tagging them!)