Daycare

Daycare.

Oh, just thinking about it makes me upset. I think she will do fine. She loves toys and singing and playing with other kids and sitting on kid-sized chairs and eating snacks and learning. Here she is exploring some rocks and shells at my friend's house. She is so curious.

Yes, she will probably be fine. But momma? Now she is very stressed out about it. What if someone raises their voice to her? What if she cries? What if she misses me? What if someone hurts her? What if she doesn't think I'm coming back? What if they ask her to do something and she doesn't understand and then gets in trouble for not doing it? I don't even want to think about it. I don't even want to imagine it. It's making me cry just thinking about it.

She starts today for 2 hours (while I go on a breakfast date!), tomorrow for 2 hours and Friday for 1. And then it's back to work for me full time on Monday and she will be there for 10 hrs. That's a lo-o-o-ng time. There are only 6 more weeks of school so it's not too long for her to be there before she's back with me full time this summer but I wish she could avoid this stint and not have to go until the fall. On one hand I want her to be around other kids having fun and learning things but she is so special and so sweet and I want to continue to nurture that. She says please and thank you and gives me kisses and doesn't have tantrums. I don't want her to pick up bad habits from other kids like spitting, biting or crying fits. I really, really, really wish I could have figured out a way to keep her home until summer. Makes me cry really but what can you do? Gotta pay the mortgage. Sigh.

My doctor filled out the paperwork for me to petition to stay home but didn't do it until yesterday and the deadline to submit it was on Friday. I had an appointment for him to fill it out 2 weeks ago but he was running late as usual and my appointment was going to be 3 hours later than scheduled. I couldn't entertain her for that long in a packed waiting room so I had to leave and yesterday was the next available time to meet. Unfortunately that means I go back to work on Monday. If I submit it today they won't review it until May 11th. He recommended I stay home until May 31st. If they accept it, at least I will get reimbursed for back pay but I will still have to go back to work for the last two weeks. Pisses me off. I just don't think I can stay home for the next two weeks while I wait for them to review it. But on the other hand it's only 2 more weeks. Staying home these next two weeks would make more sense if in fact I am able to qualify. I don't know...

Well, she is going in today either way. In two hours I will drop her off with strangers. Oh boy, here come the waterworks again. This is going to be so hard!


**Update**

She did fine. She had visited once before so it wasn't completely new to her and it's such a happy, diverse place that she fit right in. She didn't cry and when I went in to pick her up she was sitting in someone's lap looking at a book. I went in and crouched down by her and said, "Hi, Pumpkin" and she gave me a huge smile and came over to me with her arms outstretched. Aww... so sweet. When I put her down to put on her jacket she started whimpering, like 'please don't leave me here any longer... take me with you!' That made me feel better -- like we are pretty bonded. I hope it continues to go this smoothly.