I have been stressing and worrying a lot about the lack of maternity leave. I still can't get over the fact that biological moms get paid leave but adoptive parents don't get anything. So my mom calls and we were talking about the projected timeline of my trip to Ethiopia and I was asking her how long she might be able to stay when my daughter first arrives. She said she would definitely come and stay awhile and went on to say how excited she was going to be to finally see her new grandbaby. At that time I reminded her that to increase bonding and attachment it is recommended that only the adoptive parent holds, feeds, bathes and soothes the new baby. I went on to explain, "They suggest that friends and family simply focus on helping out by doing cooking or cleaning or shopping and leave the care of the child to the parent." My 81 year old mother, with perfect comedic timing, responded, "Well, then, I'll be down on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor looking up at the baby from afar!"
I laughed and laughed and laughed.
Thanks, Mom! I needed that!
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Adoption Timeline
- 2.25.10-3.07.10 - traveled to ET!
- 2.12.10 - bought tickets!!!!!
- 2.12.10 - more shots! ouch!
- 2.2.10 ~ passed court!! i'm a mommy!!
- 1.26.10 ~ didn't pass court... new one scheduled for Feb. 2nd
- 1.4.10 ~ court date - Jan. 26th!!
- 1.4.10 ~ oh, here it is!!
- 1.3.10 ~ where is my court date??
- 10.29.09 ~ REFERRAL !!
- 8.21.09 ~ passport arrived
- 8.03.09 ~ applied for new passport
- 7.08.09 ~ dossier mailed to ET
- 6.16.09 ~ dossier approved
- 6.11.09 ~ mailed my dossier to my agency
- 5.21.09 ~ I-171H arrived!!!
- 4.17.09 ~biometrics appt.
- 3.27.09 ~ mailed HS to CIS
- 2.27.09 ~ finished HS - FINALLY!!
- 1.29.09 ~ ordered another birth certificate! (yes, the date of when it was issued is important! go figure!)
- 12.23.08 ~ picked a new agency
- 1.21.09 ~ final HS meeting
- 1.7.09 ~ finished my Hague training
- researched new agencies
- 11.18.08 ~ was informed by Gladney that due to new regulations my adoption won't be processed until 2012.
- 8.1.08 ~ filed the I600A
- 7.29.08 ~ received birth certificate
- 7.28.08 ~ physical & bloodwork (update)
- 7.17.08 ~ ordered birth certificate
- 5.21.08-6.21.08 ~ volunteered in an orphanage in Addis Ababa to learn more about adoption and my future child's birth country and culture
- 5.12.08 ~ shots (ouch!)
- 5.8.08 ~ got fingerprinted
- 4.20.08 ~ Gave up job in Manila to stay and adopt
- 4.15.08 ~ informed by Gladney that they cannot complete my adoption if I move overseas
- 4.1.08 ~ US entered into Hague Convention for International Adoption
- 3.13.08 ~ Got copy of driving record from DMV
- 3.7.08 ~ 3rd HS
- 2.24.08 ~ Accepted dream job in Manila
- 2.11.08 ~ 2nd HS
- 1.11.08 ~ 1st HS
- 9.13.07 ~ Chose World Child for HS
- 8.28.07 ~ Registered with Gladney
- 7.12.07 ~ Physical & bloodwork
- 7.9.07 ~ Gladney Phone Orientation
- 7.3.07 ~ Faxed info. sheet to Gladney
13 comments:
I love that:-)
Great mom!!!
Great mom!!!
oops, didn't mean to post that comment twice!
that's a great great mom you got there! you know, even with biological babies, the kind of help you describe is the kind of help i -- and all the new birth moms i knew -- needed. i didn't need help HOLDING MY BABY!! i needed help keeping the house clean, walking the dog, getting food on the table. in fact, my birthing coach advised us to tell people to be prepared that if you come and visit, be prepared to help. some people actually expected to come over, hold the baby, and make the new mommy play hostess! LOL so kudos to your mom. and kudos to you for being able to communicate in a gracious way what you need.
I told my parents that too, but the closer we get and the more I read... I might be changing my mind just a little. here's what I mean: When a couple adopt, there are 2 main care takers that bond ot the child and that doesn't seem to confuse them. So why shouldn't my mom help out with holding and OCCASIONAL bathing. I'm not going to be as strict About it as I first thought. WE ARE SINGLE. WE ARE GOING TO NEED HELP! it's not fair to put us in the same category as couples and say "no one but hte parent can provide any affection, food, bathing, etc". What do you think about that?
That's a great mom you got yourself.
A1S, I agree. I am hoping to do a lot of the main stuff, but a parent that is exhausted and stressed out and tired is not going to be useful. My SW said I should try to do as much as possible but sometimes I will just need to SLEEP or have some time to myself to recharge and I 100% plan on doing that if needed.
I personally don't/didn't go by the hands off rule, but gotta love your mom- how adorable!!
hey, La... I did leave a comment somewhere else?
/Another thought to add: Perhaps a once a month (or..) professional cleaner?
Dont you just love moms! Mine has our first few days all planned out at her house. She figures after 36 hours on the plane and very little sleep we will need to crash at her house and she can do the mom thing (make dinner, etc...)
I know that reality is that she cant wait to be a grandma and bond with her grandchild... Life is just as it should be
:) Robyn
Laura, I thought about the whole bonding issue, too. But my Mom went with me to Ethiopia and I stayed with her for a week after we returned. She helped me with my son (sometimes feeding and changing his diaper), but he has become very attached to me because I do a majority of the caretaking stuff (bathing, feeding, playing, feeding, etc). When she holds him, he looks at me like he would rather I hold him and his eyes follow me throughout the room. I most definitely sure he recognizes me as the primary caregiver, so I am so grateul to have her or my Dad to help out for a little bit. And I want him to bond with them, too, just like I did with my grandparents. He's looking at me right now and telling me to change his diaper. Take care.
Kristine
I love your Mom's response!!
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