I was just feeling sad--the way I get sometimes-- when I think about wanting Almi to be my biological child. I love that she's Ethiopian and it will be celebrated and honored and cherished. But if she were my biological child naming her would have been all my own. How I choose to raise her would be all my own. I wouldn't have to bother with all the formalities and paperwork and regulations that are required pre and post adoption. I wouldn't be stressing about readoption and passports and birth certificates. I would shed tears thinking about her birth family, her losses, her pain. I wouldn't wonder about her health history, if her relinquishment was legit, if she has siblings, if she is going to be angry about being adopted or if she is going to reject being part of my family one day. It would just be me and my kiddo.
Of course I love having been exposed to Ethiopian food and culture. I look forward to exploring more about where she is from and incorporating more Ethiopian customs and traditions into our lives. I love how I have an instant connection now with my Ethiopian friends, students, hairdresser, etc. I love being part of the wonderful community of adoptive parents. I love that a dream I had for thirty years was fulfilled. I love the uniqueness at how my family was created. I love that I have done something meaningful with my life. I love that my heart led me to having an Ethiopian daughter. I love her!!!
Of course I love having been exposed to Ethiopian food and culture. I look forward to exploring more about where she is from and incorporating more Ethiopian customs and traditions into our lives. I love how I have an instant connection now with my Ethiopian friends, students, hairdresser, etc. I love being part of the wonderful community of adoptive parents. I love that a dream I had for thirty years was fulfilled. I love the uniqueness at how my family was created. I love that I have done something meaningful with my life. I love that my heart led me to having an Ethiopian daughter. I love her!!!
But, honestly sometimes I don't want to think about all that. Sometimes I just want to wake up and just be. Cause that sure would be a lot easier.
10 comments:
amen sister. i hear you completely.
From an outsider, you are absolutely a superwoman mom! I so admire your strength and love for yourself and your family. God willing, everything always finds the right way. Sending well wishes and prayers...
Megan
Well- yes- it would be easier- but wouldn't it be boring? Even bio kids come with baggage, second thoughts and regrets.
I wanted to comment on the other post to let you know to give yourself a break over the naming thing. I have, since traveling, found out that kids names are changed often. By different caregivers. Mom calls them kidist (little baby). as the age they may get a given name by g'ma and ma. I suspect this was true of my kid and I know kick myself for not thinking about the naming thing more. (it was also true of at least 2 others in my travel group of only 8 families) Also- by the time they spend time in institution- many kids no longer recognize their names. Mine definatly didn't and all his friends called eachother the same name , which meant, little cutie or sweety. So don't kick youself about it.
you know, here's the thing about names: they can be changed. you gave her a name that was/is meaningful to you. if she doesn't like it, she can change it when she's 18. until then, you gave her a name, as many other parents have named their children, hoisting wishes and hopes and weight and light onto them. it's all you can do. i kept my daughter's name but sometimes wish i hadn't....i hate explaining her name over and over....who knows. we do what we can do.
i hear you on how hard it is. i did a stomp-out at social security and spent days fuming at how hard everything has to be.
Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.
Jennifer beat me to it but Amen Sister!
Please don't take this the wrong way, I do mean it to be helpful - she's going to resent you for something sooner or later, all kids do, so don't worry bout it until it actually happens.
But I get that it's hard...
We do what we can, but at the end of the day regardless of where your daughters heritage is she is YOUR daughter. You get it...YOUR daughter. You do what YOU believe is best and what YOU want. The heck with everyone else. If someone believes keeping a name is great then good for them, let them do it. Some people believe adopting from the US is great, good for them let them do it. Neither is right or wrong or better than the other it is just the path that you decided to take. Don't beat yourself up and keep moving forward, do what is best for your family. Hugs!
Sisterfriend-girl, we need to drink some honey-wine, eat some of those bacon dates, and have gursha!
(giggling because it's true).
You are going to have to give yourself some praise and stop allowing the enemy work on your mind--about your daughter's name.
That is so not fair to you and for what your assignment is as your child's mother to get tangled up over names. A rose is still a rose by any other name--so delight yourself in the Lord and use your energy for empowering that woman-child to be the fierceness at what she is to be!
PS...Hi Shannon! Does "Kidist" mean "little one" too? In Amharic "Kidist" is a girl's name and it means "blessing or blessed". But wait...am I doing the name-thing too now??? Hugs for what you do as a Mom to your sugar-baby!
I missed the comments on your earlier post. I'm always amazed that adoptive parents can be judgmental to others.
I think Almi is a beautiful combination between Almaz and Naomi. And you're right, Almi may change her mind at some point. But whatever she goes by, YOU make the decision on her paperwork.
BTW, I have a number of family members, including my mom, who don't go by their first name. They go by nicknames or names I have no history of at all. Nothing wrong with it.
Thank you everyone for all your helpful loving comments on naming... I'm so appreciative of Laura's blogging sisters...m
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