My Trip - Part 2

I woke up early on the 27th of February. This was the day-- the day I was to meet my daughter for the first time. I had arranged this meeting because the way my agency had it set up, I was to fly in on Sunday and meet her on Monday--and they would leave her with me at that time. To me that seemed so abrupt and too traumatizing, particularly since she had never seen me before. I hadn't created an album for her to mail before court because I was too superstitious. What if I didn't pass? What would they tell her then? Seemed to me that waiting until after I was officially her mother made more sense. So I created an album after court but then the blizzard hit so I couldn't get it mailed out. All this meant that she had never seen me before. I asked them if I could meet her prior to the hand off and present the album to her then and that way at least she would have a few days to look at my photo and the nannies could talk to her about me so it wouldn't be all strange and brand new on March 1st. They agreed so off we went.

The orphanage was located outside the main part of the city in a single family home. A very plain, very basic house -but clean. There were only about 10 children there that day. I don't know if there are usually more but I believe they are only moved to this facility after they have been matched with a family, so it's more of a holding place or a care center. We drove through a part of town that seems to be completely under construction. Nearly every building was in some stage of being built. If it's like Senegal, there are no housing mortgages so people are forced to pay for building their homes as money becomes available so it can take years. Seeing half finished houses all over the city was common there and is in Ethiopia as well. We parked out front. I was trying to take it all in but the intensity of the day left me wondering some things... I left that day asking my cousin what color it was. 'Was it really pink?' Yes, indeed it was.I already wrote about our first meeting here so I won't go into any more detail in this post but I will say I left feeling much more excited about becoming a mom than I had in a long time. For months people had been asking me if I was excited about adopting and I had been telling them I was about 1/10 excited and 9/10 freaked out and stressed. That was so true. For me it was hard to get excited when I knew I wasn't getting paid leave, her room wasn't ready, I was already exhausted, I don't have family around, I feel like I need a higher paying job, etc, etc, etc. I wished I could have been that type of mom-to-be who had the nursery ready for months with all the clothes hanging neatly in the closet by size and all the details in order, but that was not my reality. However, with all the paperwork, money spent, traveling and finally meeting her (and believing she was healthy) behind me, I was able to focus on her and it really helped my excitement level to increase. All these years, all this waiting, all the unknowns.. all of that seemed a distant memory when I left the orphanage that day. I could finally, FINALLY focus on her--on us-- on becoming a mom. Someone asked me later that day when I was going to take custody of her and I informed her it wouldn't be for another three days. She was horrified but I was fine with it. I was finally feeling more excitement than stress but still needed a few more days to get fully prepared mentally for this life change.

When we left the orphanage we asked our driver to take us to Entoto Mountain. I didn't get a chance to see it when I was in Addis before and was glad we could this time since it wasn't too far away. It was a long, long drive up to the top with a beautiful view of the city. At the top of the mountain is Entoto Maryam Church where Emperor Menelik was crowned in 1882, and a memorial museum which housed clothing and other religious relics of the period.We did a guided tour of the museum but unfortunately the church was closed. Two monks outside the church.This was a scene we saw over and over again: women hunched over with enormous bundles of sticks on their backs. The hike up and down that mountain must be 5 miles and to think that that's their livelihood (chopping down wood, walking miles down to sell it and then walking back--day in day out) well, it was very depressing. Such difficult, exhausting, back-breaking work. Along the way you could also see their homes--wooden huts with mud floors, no electricity or running water of course, sparsely furnished.. no belongings, just family. The poverty and life's inequities were just so in-your-face...it was very difficult. One highlight, we did encounter some children on the drive down and I was able to give them all granola bars and toys from the donations. They were ecstatic! That helped to off set all the heaviness of the day.

The next day, after being awaken far too early by my cousin who was having major sleep difficulties but I love him and was thrilled he was with me so I didn't complain too loudly or too often, ok maybe I did a few times but he loves me and knows I complain a lot... um, oh yeah, the next day we had breakfast (eggs and crepes for the third time) and planned to do a little more sightseeing since our child-free time was dwindling. After breakfast I ran upstairs to get one of my 8G memory cards I purchased for the trip and discovered them missing. I was so upset. I was having major camera/media issues! You see, I had already decided to save money and not buy a video camera and then I foolishly left my terrific Nikon at home (dumb, dumb, dumb). In addition I somehow only packed my bum camera. If you recall from this post it fell and was being very temperamental. I have another Cybershot but I left it at home, too. This is my self -portrait after I discovered I only had the bum camera to work with on the trip. For some reason I felt I needed to record the moment of complete anger and devastation. Ha! Turns out I found the memory cards when I got home but who knows where the receipt is? I would like to return one and get my money back. One day I will get organized..but I digress.

Ok, so after we purchased a very overpriced memory card we hired the driver to take us out to Debre Zeyit, about 45 minutes from Addis. I wanted to see some greenery and there area crater-lakes there. It was a pleasant drive on a nice, paved road although most of the week was rainy and chilly and this day was no exception. It was nice to see the lake with its surrounding campgrounds. They offer canoe rides but we didn't have the interest (too chilly!) or the time and besides our driver was being paid by the hour. Plus we saw this sign: We only stayed about 20 minutes. On the way home we drove through the town of Dukem. This was cool to me since there is a Dukem restaurant on U St. that I have been to and now I can say I have been to the real Dukem! Here are some pictures from the ride home: That night we had dinner in a little cafe in a shopping mall. A modern mall made of steel and glass with assorted shops and full well-dressed people. Addis is so full of contrasts! The food was terrible but you don't send stuff back in Ethiopia. Well, you can send it back but you still have to pay for it so I ate it. My stomach hurt when I got home so I popped a Cipro and crashed. I knew the big day was tomorrow -- "Gotcha Day" as they like to say in the adoption community. (I don't like that term. I was going to call it "Family Day" but if I have another child will there then be two Family Days? Maybe. Or maybe it will just be Naomi Winter Almaz Day but that's kind of long). I was finally ready for the meeting of my daughter but I was still a bundle of nerves. What if she cried hysterically? What if I didn't feel an instant connection? I hadn't felt an instant connection on our earlier meeting so I was wondering if I would this time or if not how long that would take. Had I done the wrong thing and completed this adoption? Would I love her? Would she love me? Do bio parents think these things? Was I really ready? A million thoughts were swirling through my head. I was tired. The stress was overwhelming. I had a fitful night of sleep.