The homestudy was finally sent off to CIS today. Finally. I don't know who is to blame or why it took so freakin' long (each was blaming the other) but it's all good. What's done is done and it's in the mail.
I hear it'll take nine weeks+ to get my I171-H and sometime in there I will get my biometrics appointment. The plan is by the time I get the I171-H, my dossier will be done. My goas is to get it finished before Easter!
As far as a court date, my agency says at this point a summer court date is highly unlikely and to expect a court date sometime around November or December (assuming all goes as planned--and who really knows with international adoption). I'm okay with that. Summer is just a few short months away and I still have so much to do to prepare. It's all just beginning to feel real after all these months of being in limbo.
So, now it's on to the dossier. I'm so glad to be done with one huge chunk of this annoying, stressful, time-consuming adoption process--it's such a load off-- and the dossier doesn't seem to be too complicated. Luckily I have spring break in one week so I will have a whole week of uninterrupted time. Yay.
While working on the dossier, there is something else I need to decide. I could potentially get a referral before the summer, but should I? Let's say I get a referral in May. That could be great. I would be able to see her face, give her a name, show everyone the beautiful baby that will be coming home to me. But I potentially won't get a court date until November or later, so that would mean six months or more of waiting. Six months where she will be in someone else's care. She will be six months older. The other option is to hold off for a referral until after the courts reopen. I won't get to see her face until October but I won't have to wait six months for a court date. And at least I will be logged in. With the precariousness of singles adopting situation I worry that maybe I should be doing the quickest thing possible. So, I'm not sure which option is better. They both have their pluses and minuses. Your thoughts?
14 comments:
My $.02 is this: better to wait to get the referral until you can travel shortly after. Once we had Quint's picture - it was hard enough just to wait those 3 months to go and get him - and that was with a fast track process that surprised everyone. If I had had to wait 6+ months - I would have lost my mind staring at those little pictures and wanting to hold him so badly. The unknown is better - and if they match you after courts re-open, you're more likely to have a younger child. If you have to wait 6+ months and are already matched - that's 6 months of time you're losing with all those 1st year milestones.
Just my thoughts...
I guess it deends on whether you want "the youngest possible" and if you do, hard as it may be, I would wait.
My referral was 3 months old when I got her pictures andapproved the referral contract. It has been 3 LONG months since then, and ANOTHER 3 (pssibly, hopefully not longer) before I pick her up. She will be NINE MONTHS OLD BY THEN!!!! It seems like I'm missing so much! My only consolation is that she's in good hands, healthy, being well taken care of, fed ample amounts etc. That's what I love about our agency... the nannies sleep with the infants and there is such a low nanny to infant ratio I know she is getting love and attention.
Tough, tough question. The 8.5 months I waited from referral to pick up my daughter were some of the most difficult of my life (and I visited her in Guatemala about halfway through that wait). That said, she's MY DAUGHTER, and that's how it had to be. I guess if I could've learned of her later it might have been easier, but the wait for referral might have felt very difficult too. I realize I'm not being helpful here. I guess my advice is to lean heavily on your intuition. Or, I have a mental coin toss thing I do that helps me recognize my true feelings about a decision. Let me know if you want to hear about it. :)
Stefanie, mom to Tiana
Wellllll....for me I would wait the additional time because it would kill me to know she would be in someone else's care for 6 more months and there was nothing I could do but wait. I would just die. I would be at peace knowing my dossier is finished and that a referral would be coming right before courts opened or shortly there after.
However, make sure you understand how court dates are falling based on when you receive your referral because that would determine my preference also. I would just want her home for Christmas this year though so do your checking.
That's a tough one and you'll definitely have to go with your gut. Me, I have no choice. I'll be waiting between 4-6+ months to travel after my referral (closer to the 6+ mths). If I had to wait another 3 months to see M's face I would likely lose my mind, so my vote is for the early referral.
Hmm...I got Ruby's referral at 1 week old. I traveled to meet her when she was just under 4 months old and she was placed in my arms forever at 8 months and 5 days. The difference with Guatemala was that you expected a wait like that and it was a fairly short wait. Is it hard waiting? Yes. Can you do it? Definitely. I think Adopting1Soon is right - how important is AYAP? If that's huge, wait. If it's not, I'd want to see her face as soon as possible. But that's just me. There's no right or wrong, only what's right for you.
Happy dossier prep!
Oh, this is a difficult decision! We waited six months between when we saw our kids' faces and the day we met them- and that was at a time when two to four months between referral and travel was average. It wasn't so much the wait itself that killed us, but instead the fact that we hadn't anticipated it taking so long. So to ease the wait, whichever you choose, just plan on it being longer than you expect :)
If it were me, I would probably take the referral when it comes and not delay. That way the case might get filed into court before the closure, or immediately after it opens. Court is so unpredictable these days and I'd rather be filed ASAP even if that means staring longingly at an adorable picture that much longer. If you can beat the re-opening backlog by even a little bit it might save weeks or months on the other end. Then again, I wasn't concerned with watching baby's firsts passing by, and that would probably influence my decision as well.
Tough call!
I'm trying not to be jealous, but I am so envious at how quick referrals come south of our border. I have been waiting since November, and if I get a referral before Christmas, it'll be a holy miracle. I genuinely am excited for you, though. That's a great big step forward! Congratulations! I can't wait to see your babe's face!
melissa, sorry about your wait. in the US it totally depends on the agency. my last agency said 2012 and this one is saying 2009 or 2010 at the latest. huge difference, right?!
thanks for the thoughts people. i still have no idea what i am going to do..
I think you should take a referral as soon as you can. You never know what may happen to the program if you wait. I have had my referral for a year - but I am thankful that I got a referral before Vietnam closed its doors.
Congrats on the accomplishment Laura! It is definitely a big step forward! I say take the referral when you get it. With the unpredictability for singles, I would go with the flow. When God wants to give you the referral he will, so take it. Even if you have to wait awhile to pick up your baby girl. Time will pass. (We will likely fall into the same situation since wait time for us is about 8 months (our referral would come around September or so). We likely will not travel until after the courts reopen.
Laura,
I would opt for the early referral, that way you will be in line for a court date. I know that it's hard to see pictures of your baby and not be able to pick them up but it can be fun at the same time because you will be getting updates and that's better than nothing at all. While I waited for my court date, it was always exciting to get new pictures of my daughter. It gave me something to look forward to. Either way you still have to wait, so why not wait with pictures of your adorable baby.
Andrea
Congratulations and on to the dossier. I would say to take your referral when you get it. There is no guarantee that if you wait until after the court that you won't still have a six month wait. After the courts reopened this year there was a huge backlog and she can expect there will be another one this year as the program keeps growing. No matter how we plan God has his timing, I say don't put up any roadblocks or try to slow it down, keep pushing forward.
Hi! How are you? This is such an amazing topic to listen in on. I don't know much about this process, but I sure can tell you that I'm thankful to witness such a wonderful experience!
Post a Comment