The reason for not passing, which I choose to keep private, has made me think a lot about her birth family. As grateful as I am to possibly have the opportunity to raise this child, I can not help to think about how heart-wrenching it must have been for them to make the decision to place her for adoption. I wish there was a way to keep them informed of how she's doing throughout the years. I find myself surprised at this because when considering domestic adoption, I was pretty opposed to the open adoption option. However, in this case I am not opposed and in fact I feel exactly the opposite. I would prefer to have contact with her first family. Is it because it is an international adoption? Maybe. Or perhaps it's because I am in the process now and have really thought a lot about how they must feel. I am really not sure how I got to this point, but I really wish there was a way that I could meet her family and/or keep in touch with them over the years. She will be a daughter to both of us.
This week has been a crazy whirlwind of work obligations and I haven't had much time to process my courtdate nor do any more preparations for her arrival, but I did find a little bit of time to create a gift bag for her and send it to one of the traveling families to give to her. Our agency allows us to send gallon-sized Ziplock bags for our children. I filled mine with a T-shirt, a dress, a bracelet and a disposable camera. I hope someone takes pictures of her for me to have for her first album. Part of me wanted to wait til I passed court to send anything (being superstitious) but I broke down. I wanted her to have something. I am going to create another one for her to get in a couple of weeks when I pass court. This one will have a photo album with pictures of me (once I am legally her mother) and pictures of my house and car. I think there is space for six pictures so I'm thinking
1. one of me with curly hair
2. one of me with straight hair
3. one of her bedroom
4. one of the kitchen
5. one of my bedroom
5. one of the front of the house
I will also put in another outfit, a toy, another bracelet and another camera. I really, really hope someone takes pictures. Those will be the most treasured things to have for the years to come. Any other thoughts on what to include in a gift bag? I would love some ideas!! I was thinking of somehow recording my voice but I can't figure out how to do that. Have I forgotten something obvious?
10 comments:
What about one of those greeting cards that have an audio chip where you can record a greeting and when she opens it she'll hear your voice? That might work!
Sounds like a great care package. I know she will love the photo album. Twinkle has one and I am still adding photos to it. I understand about wanting to share info with her birth family. I feel the same way for various reasons which I wont post publicly but can email you about... Is it possible to somehow get a photo of her birth family? It would be a treasure for her when she is older. I have one for twinkle of her birth mother and had it copied and original placed in a safety deposit box. I think it will help her with any questions of identity when she is older.
Glad that court time is getting closer again... I am sooooo excited. Cant wait til you are home and we can make plans for the girls to meet.
hugs , R & A
I've also heard that sleeping with something (tshirt, blanket, etc.) so that it smells like you, and then sending to her is good idea.
If you want the nannies to take pictures with the camera,you'll probably want to get that written out in Amharic so they know. Our nannies, at least, were very cautious of the gift bags (I received it intact when I picked her up...she'd looked at it, but not been allowed to keep it, the attorney said that the nannies don't want anything to happen to it.) There are some folks who write amharic on the big yahoo group.
That's a great idea to include pictures of you with your hair both straight and curly. Some of the kids had a hard time recognizing people if they looked differently than the photo.
The greeting card chip is a GREAT idea!
Such good ideas! I read on someone else's blog about the blankets with the stuffed animal attached to it.....
I also love what you said about her "first" family. I think once you get the referral and read their history...the history of YOUR CHILD it changes things! I knew it would be tough for me too...and then when I started reading it breaks my heart!
Praying for you and your little one!
I will email you today - we just have to get together.
Holly did not walk well until after I got her at 21 months. I competely understand what you are going through - I felt the same - but don't worry too much.
great ideas!
for your 6 pictures, can you get someone to help you so YOU are in the photos of the house, etc. that way she'll understand (perhaps) that the house is where you live...
so many good suggestions in the other comments.
One of the things I really like about my agency is that they arrange for adoptive parents to do a birth family visit while in Ethiopia - they actually require that you do it as long as the birth family wants it - and they will facilitate staying in touch with pictures and letters. I carried letter/pictures from four or five adoptive families with me to Ethiopia for the adoption agency staff there to deliver to birth families, and I am hoping to send pictures and letters the same way to Elfe's birth family in the future. I know another adoption blogger with a different agency that did a search for her daughter's birth family in Ethiopia, maybe that is something you could do down the road?
I love the card with recorded greeting. Maybe you can get an Amharic greeting card.
Also; I would include a pic of you in her room.
Sen
I went through the same evolution in my thinking about my daughters' family in Ethiopia. When I first started thinking about adoption, I was terrified of the idea of ongoing contact. By the time I met thier family, I felt so grateful for that opportunity, and have tried (unsucessfully so far, unfortunately) to continue a relationship. I think you can't help but learn and change during such an intense, emotional process.
I hope that you pass court very soon.
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