Village

You know the African proverb It takes a village to raise a child? I love that. I love the idea of a whole community being involved in the nurturing and upbringing of children. Grandparents and cousins and neighbors and friends all helping out, pitching in, sharing discipline and knowledge, molding the mind and the morals of young children. Families used to have that when they stayed close to their childhood homes--some still do. Unfortunately my family is very spread out. My parents met when my dad was in graduate school and they raised us where ever his job took them. Growing up, I lived in 3 US cities and one foreign country, none being where their parents or siblings lived. I didn't have the experience of growing up with cousins and grandparents nearby. Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't without its good points. I got to live abroad and had an amazing experience in an international school. I also learned how to be flexible and adaptable. And all the traveling gave me an adventurous side that most of my friends don't have. I have picked up and moved to cities all by myself; I have traveled alone around Europe and Africa; I faced my fears and traveled to places where I wanted to experience the culture first hand and it has made me a more empathetic, more understanding, more cultured, more interesting. I wouldn't trade those experiences for the world but now, as an adult, as I find myself living in a city without any family and I realize the void of not having them around. My grandparents have since passed on but fortunately I do have good relationships with my parents, two sisters and five first cousins... though none of them live nearby. In fact, we live in six different cities. This didn't seem to bother me all that much in the last twenty years since I have been out on my own but now that I am bringing home my daughter is has become so much more desired. I do not have a large village of family and that scares me.

I have a good job, I have a nice home, I have nice neighbors, I have good friends--but I do not have family around and, oh, how I wish I did. Family will love this little girl like no one else. Family would stop by when I need to shower or shop or nap. Family would even probably babysit for free! But for now I am here. My job is here. My mortgage needs to be paid. I can't sell my house at this time and I bought it with my daughter in mind anyway. It's in a quiet neighborhood, it has a fairly spacious backyard, it's within walking distance of tennis courts and a pool. It's less than 15 minutes from all the museums and cultural offerings downtown. It's only 5 minutes from a huge Ethiopian community. And there are some great things that have happened that I didn't expect like my neighbor had a baby and her daughter will be around the same age as mine and my good friend from Ethiopia moved into my neighborhood. And I am building my community by becoming more involved. I didn't join a church but I joined their choir and I signed up to do one of their ministries--tutoring Latin American immigrants in English. Through these activities I am meeting new people and becoming more connected. I also have support through single mothers groups and Ethiopian adoption groups.

There are clearly good things about where I am but having my family here would be so wonderful --the icing on my cake. And it would make my village complete.