Life Awaits

Does this happen to you: great things happen while other great things are happening? And equally, shitty things pile on top of other shitty things. Maybe it's just with me. Or maybe it's certain energy and vibrations are put out into the universe that bring back more of the same. Problem is you need the good things when things are at their worst but it doesn't often happen to work out that way. It was when things were at their worst that I sought out an overseas position.

Five years ago I returned to the DC area and started a teaching job in a swanky private school. I hated it. My colleagues were awful, the administration unsupportive. I tried to quit mid-year but they begged me to stay. I left there and worked the next year and a half at another private school. This one wasn't much better. Quit there as well. I returned to public schools chalking up my negative experiences to the culture of private schools and the types of people who choose to work in those settings. To a point I still believe that to be the case. If you only want to teach a certain demographic then it's not surprising that you wouldn't befriend coworkers who don't also fit into that demographic. Thing was, when I returned to public schools I found myself hating that job as well. Five years of three different schools where I had to drag myself into work really wore me down. It also had me questioning if actually it was me since I was the common denominator.

But thankfully, I now know that was not the case. I am now in my fourth school in six years and I love it! The people are all so friendly and considerate and helpful. My teammates and I get along famously and the administration is supportive. For the first time in almost six years I am happy to go to work. It's convenient, my daughter is happy at the daycare, the facilities are nice and new and clean, it's safe, my principal respects me and leaves me alone, my input is respected and my students are doing amazing things. My sweet colleagues offer to babysit Almi, I get regular bags of hand-me-downs, heck, I even made the cut and got invited to a colleague's small wedding. The people are caring and considerate; funny and real. I am forming friendships with people I believe will become lifelong friends. I can honestly say that for the first time in fifteen years I am working at a place where I could see myself remaining indefinitely.

But the overseas job offer came when I didn't know how wonderful this new place was going to be. I applied when I was new to the school and still very overwhelmed with parenting and needing help so I accepted. The school year ends in 5 weeks (that's 24 days but who's counting?) and I will be leaving what I now consider to be an almost ideal teaching situation. Well, ideal except for the money. With the salary they pay me I am struggling to keep my head above water. Ok, who am I kidding? My head went under the day I agreed to the paycut.

If you don't know, when I took this teaching position three years ago I was desperate for a job so I could complete my adoption. I had resigned to go overseas in 2008 but my adoption agency wouldn't allow it so I reneged on my overseas contract and remained in the US to complete the adoption. Problem was I had already quit that awful private school job I had and it took me seven months to find another job. When my current district offered me a position I took it even though they they wouldn't recognize the years I taught in other schools. This essentially amounted to a $20,000 pay cut. Unfortunately, I was in no position to negotiate and as wrong as it was, I had no better options so I accepted. Thing is, it is not enough money; I haven't been able to get ahead. I cut my expenses way down and was managing pretty well but then I adopted my child, and well, I never fully recovered. In fact, I am at the point where I have to rob Peter to pay Paul. This, coupled with how difficult single parenting can be, drove me to find a job where I could afford a nanny and save some money. I had no idea that when that finally came to fruition I would be in the position I am now of being happy in my job. No (teaching) job is perfect but this one is pretty darn close.

Why, I find myself wondering, did it work out that I have to leave this job? It couldn't get out of my previous three positions fast enough! Did something great come about because I am finally happy? Do I now have a nanny waiting for me to arrive overseas now that my local village is growing? Most of this past year I felt completely alone. I was struggling and it seemed no one wanted to step in to help. I suffered tremendously as I adjusted to parenting. Some days I didn't think I was going to make it. I was hanging on by a very, very thin thread. But now my village here is growing. I have formed friendships with other Ethiopian adoptive families, and they are becoming an extended family of sorts. We single Ethiopian adoptive mamas bond so quickly with our unique family experience and it's just now that everyone's children are coming home. In the next few months some close friends will be traveling to pick up their babies. Why is it that just as their kids are arriving that I am leaving? I am going to miss getting to know these sweet babies and having Almi grow up with them. Why is it that I am set to leave just as all of these things are falling into place?

And then there's Ms. E, Almi's teacher. She is truly wonderful. A total gem. Not only does she babysit Almi for free (she refuses money!) but when Almi is there she is treated like a daughter. Almi loves going there and it gives Ms. E some baby girl loving time as she waits to create her own family. She really, really loves Almi. How can I replace that? Will any of the teachers in her future feel that much love for my daughter? This situation is unique and a true blessing. How could I have predicted this when I applied for a new job?

There are other reasons as well. My house is coming together, my basement is ready for a renter, my neighbors are really nice, all the Ethiopians in this area... I could go on and on... So why leave? Well, other than the money and the nanny (which I repeat are huge and necessary benefits) there's more. There is growth and authenticity waiting for me. In my opinion, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is the best way to experience growth and it's healthy. Actually doing the things you dream about (or at least working towards them) instead of always dreaming about them can be scary but at least you feel like you are doing what you are meant to do. And what if they pan out?

Listen, if you want to be a full time writer then try hard to make that happen. If you want to work from home then make that happen. If you want to live in Hawaii instead of Kansas then make that happen! Almost anything can be done if we put our minds to it. I dream of being a singer, owning a beach house, being an artist, being happily married, owning a dog, being a journalist, being a movie star, having more children, volunteering in Darfur, being financially secure, living abroad, being bilingual, doing another marathon, having a perfect body... I'll stop there cause clearly I have a lot of dreams and, no, I probably won't fulfill them all... but what I have learned is that some of them can be realized so I should go for it. To me that's the key to living authentically and happily. If I stay put how many of those dreams will come true? Maybe some, but thing is do I want to look back at my life and see I stayed where it was safe and easy? Do I want to live a predictable life or do I want to shake things up? Do I want to do the same old thing or do I want to be surprised and amazed and inspired? Do I want to retire from this school or do I want to look back and see that I lived in Asia, Africa, Europe or the Middle East? My school district is not a bad place to retire from, I suppose, but working here won't afford me the same opportunities that leaving will.

Moving abroad means I will get to travel to places I otherwise would probably never see. Moving abroad means I will be immersed in another culture which will broaden my world view. Moving abroad means I will have time to do things that as a single parent in the States are extremely difficult or impossible for me (tennis lessons, writing a book, going on dates, spending time with friends, regular hair&nail appointments, etc.) But most importantly moving means that I will be able to live more authentically and this is what is truly exciting. I will have time to create art; I will have time to devote to (new) friends; I will have time to parent the way I want; I will be rested and eat well and have time for physical activity; I can spend my weekends outdoors having fun & living life--not cleaning and running errands. And I can find people who are like me-- people who want to see this great, big fascinating world we live in first hand and not just read about it in books; people who find new foods and experiences exciting; people who are flexible and adaptable and adventurous; people who want to get out and live life and try new things. Here I find it hard to even find that person within myself.


Simply put, I want a remarkable life. I always wanted to adopt a child and somehow, by the grace of God, I did it. I am extremely proud of that. No one in my family had ever adopted so I had no model or guidance but I figured out how to do it. Now I want to experience living overseas. My parents have lived overseas (I have lived overseas with them) but they had each other to manage the details. I am doing this alone.

Let me tell you, moving overseas is very, very overwhelming but if I can make it through an international adoption and single parenting I know I can manage this. I am already missing home deep down (or not so deep down) but I remind myself that I really, really want to do this and more importantly, that I really need to do this. It's is another dream to fulfill. Something else to check off on my bucket list. And in this day and age why wouldn't I want to float in the Dead Sea, climb The Great Wall, visit Machu Picchu or safari in the Masai Mara if I am able? I remind myself I am lucky to have this opportunity. Not everyone is so fortunate; I should take advantage of it and be grateful. And I also remind myself that all this will be here if want to slip back into my old life. The school system will be here; my house will be here; most of my friends will probably still be living here. I can come back at any time, so why not go? And what an exciting life story this will make. What I know for sure is I don't want to be 95 in my rocking chair wondering why I stayed in DC for 50 years.

So, off we go. Off for an adventure! I'm sure there will be days ahead when I wonder why I left my tenured position, my cute house and all my friends & family but I believe what we'll be getting in return will be life changing, awe-inspiring, rewarding and incredibly enriching. I'm ready for the challenge, ready for the dream, ready for Asia!!