It's a Murky Ocean Day

Oh, adoption. I have a serious love/hate relationship with you. How is it that one moment you make me want to shriek with joy from snow-capped mountaintops and the next you make me want to escape into the murky depths of the ocean floor? Today is a murky-ocean-day and for some reason as I type this post I have these John Lennon lyrics running through my head..

"So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong..."

To begin with it's the holidays. A time of great joy for many reasons and a time of year that I love (especially with 3 extra days of vacation thanks to the blizzard of '09! Woot!) but it's also the time of year that plunges me into the doldrums... you know the whole single and childless thing. Not to sound like a broken record, but it can really suck around Christmas. Last year I posted about it. This holiday season is no different. It's just unbelievable to me that I am still without my daughter! And then today I received a note from my agency with another explanation about why my court date is being held up again. And this explanation leaves everything open-ended with no definitive end in sight. I went from hoping she'd be here for Christmas-- to hoping to pass court by Christmas-- to hoping for a court date by Christmas-- to now just hoping for a court date at all and being able to complete this adoption. I'm about *this* close to ditching my family and all the Christmas traditions and booking a flight somewhere warm where I can sit alone on a beach and sip mai tais.

Oh yeah, I have no money. Well, then, excuse me while I go eat a dozen cookies and book a massage.