So, I had a conversation with a guy today. He has a 14 month old son. He knows I'm adopting. Since I am still not sure what age to request, I try to get insight from those with young children so I say, "So tell me, what's it like raising a 14 month old?" Not only does his response not answer my question, I couldn't believe he said this..
"He looks just like me. It's amazing. His hands look just like mine. His feet look just like mine. It's great. Having your own is different. I mean, I've never adopted but it's great to have your own. He's mine and I love that."
I know he didn't mean to stab me in the gut, but ouch.
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11 comments:
narcissism at its finest... why do people do this? Do they really have that little control over their brains and mouths? Unbelievable... It makes it sound like adopted children are what people do when they are settling... and how is an adopted child not mine? It's interesting, I know another guy who told his wife that they couldnt adopt because he couldnt raise someone elses child.. Needless to say they will not be appointed guardians... I am so constantly suprised by the amount of people walking around with one of thier great big feet in their mouths!!
I think of an adopted child as a gift.. in fact it is the ultimate gift from a perfect stranger, and I for one cant wait for my baby to be home with me...
p.s. turn around and I will pull the knife out...
A**hole - I'd have belted him. And I have one of each... and guess what they're BOTH my own children!
UNBELIEVABLE!!! That is one of the few comments that we get that still makes my blood boil each time. Doesn't matter how many times I've heard it. Every.Single.Time. It kills me. Your child is your child no matter how they come to be your child!
Ouch is right! It's amazing how thoughtless people can be. I will always wonder who my son looks like. Whose hands he has. But he is as much mine as any child that I could've given birth to. I love him more than anyone and anything on this planet!
ARGH.
That guy doesn't know what he's talking about. I have a bio and and an adopted child and there is no difference in how I love them. They are different personalities so of course they require different things. But your child is YOUR child no matter how they came to you. Once again I'll say it, People Are Stupid.
Being the white mother of a black child I've gotten the 'oh i would hate not looking like my own child' several times (when I'm not getting 'is he YOURS?' It's crazy, the looks thing.
One interesting thing is that scientists have done studies that show that babies are born looking more like their fathers than their mothers. Boys and girls. The show a bunch of photos of babies and then ask respondents if they can pick out the photos of the parents. They can identify the fathers more often than the mothers. They don't know why this should be but theorize that it makes sense that a baby that looks like the father has more of a chance of having that father take care of it.
Maybe there is a biological reason for people wanting their children to look like them?
Strange what people will say out loud. Get ready though, they do not stop saying this stuff just because the child can hear it. Q has heard things you wouldn't believe.
My first reaction was "JERK!!" Actually, the word I used was much stronger.
Upon reflection, I don't think he meant it 'that way.' I don't think he meant to say you couldn't love an adopted child the same way you love a birth child. I THINK he just meant that yeah, it's cool to see your genes passed on.
BUT he DID say it in a very thoughtless way, no mistake.
Did you reply to him? I would have been to gobsmacked to reply, I'll bet.
Ugh!!! Sorry!
What the fuckity fuck????
Sorry for swearing, but really, his response deserves it. I don't know where you find these guys... (I know you are not dating him, thank GOD!)maybe they are just everywhere!
I don't look like Charlie (yet. We may grow to resembke each other, who knows..) and so far no one has said anything remotely rude or ignorant. I'm sure it will come and I like reading about the comments people make because I come up with answers in my head and then I hope I'll be ready for the comments when they come.
i can't believe (well actually i can) that he said that to you. your adopted daughter will be your own. trust me!
i hope you had a good comeback to his comment.
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