Mother's Day

I spent my first Mother's Day with my new daughter and my mom (and other family). It was really nice. My mom wanted me to bring her to church but that only lasted 5 minutes--until Almi wanted to run up and down the aisles. Then we went to brunch, opened cards (teared up while reading aloud the sentiments) and *attempted* to get a 3 generations photo. I got a lot of phone calls and texts and even cards in the mail. I really appreciated everyone's good wishes but I got to be honest...it was all so surreal. Am I really someone's mother? I'm curious to find out when I officially begin to feel like one.

OK, I gotta be honest here. Most blogs are not. But I know I always appreciate ones where people are real and authentic, so here goes. Naomi Winter Almaz is an amazing child. There is no getting around that and I am honored to be chosen to parent her and I will do so the best way I know how. She has been entrusted in my care and I take that very seriously. I truly love her.

But.

Yes there's a but..

It is *very* hard.
I am tired.
I feel isolated.
I need help.
I miss my old life.
I have no balance.
I want sleep.
I want more money.
I want to be doing this with a husband.
I wanna cry.
I do cry.
Can I repeat how tired I am?

It has gotten a lot better than the first few days we were together. I still haven't finished blogging about my time in Ethiopia and I will but suffice it to say that it was very, very, very difficult. I thank God my cousin was there to help me out. She got sick. She was grieving. I was exhausted. So it's better now-- a lot better-- I recognize that and know it will continue to get better. But without a lot of language she gets frustrated. And without sleep and without help I get frustrated. Oh and can I also mention the diarrhea?? No diagnosis yet. But really, ugh. And, well, I've been up since 4:00 this morning so that's where this is all coming from. Don't worry, we're hanging in there!! Just venting.

Meanwhile, I go back to work on Monday. I don't want to go, but Almi's in daycare now and seems happy and, well, I need a paycheck! In short, the sick leave bank rejected my claim so I will not get paid one slim dime from the time I was off plus they just informed me that I will be receiving a bill for my health insurance premiums for the time I was out. Yeah, my school district pretty much sucks. And there is nothing more I have to say about that.

My first preschool art project to come home was also my Mother's Day gift!

Thanks for all the kind comments about the ER visit!!! She is doing much better!

Happy Birthday Mom!

My mom turned 81 today. Honestly, I can't believe it cause that sounds like an old woman but my mom is energetic and busy and looks 60! We went out to brunch (she's wearing the necklace I bought her) and had some cake. Love ya, Mom! Happy birthday!!

Christmas 2008 (in pictures) part I

Apricot Horns! (yum-my!)




The Beef Wellington. My sister Jane always makes this.



Decorations

Christmas 2008 (in pictures) part II

Merry Christmas!

My mom is all about traditions. At our house the Christmas traditions that have lasted to adulthood include:

* an Advent wreath. My mom puts it on the dining room table and we light the candles before dinner on the 4 weeks leading up to Christmas (three purple, one pink). After it is lit my mother or father will say "Our King and Savior draweth nigh" to which we reply "Oh come let us adore him" and then sing Oh Come, Oh Come Emmanuel altogether
* attending the 11pm Christmas eve service
* putting up a Christmas tree (of course)
* wrapping gifts after church, late into the night
* eating apricot horns for breakfast (a homemade pastry with apricot filling)
* having the local, commercial-free classical music station playing all day long
* opening the gifts in age order, round robin so everyone can see what everyone else got
* taking tons of photographs
* eating Christmas dinner late
* eating homemade sugar cookies from my grandmother's recipe

(other kid traditions included doing an Advent calendar, participating in the Christmas pageant, hanging a stocking at the fireplace, leaving cookies out for Santa and carrots for the reindeer, moving the three kings closer to the manger until they arrive on the 12th day of Christmas...)

I am all about tradition and family and that is one of the main reasons I can't wait to have children --to pass down and start creating traditions of my own. Yet, I find myself celebrating another Christmas without a family of my own. I am extremely grateful and blessed to still have my parents here with me to celebrate (they are in their 80's) and it's nice to see other family members, but I so yearn to have my own family and start my own traditions, and holidays are a reminder of the things that I want so badly but are still just out of reach. So, like last year, I wasn't really looking forward to the holiday. It didn't help this year that with my new job we had to work all the way until the 23rd. Then I was too tired to make the drive on the 24th which meant I missed the Christmas eve service. I didn't realize how much I was going to miss it, but when I think about it, I have attended that service for almost 40 years! Talk about tradition! Then I missed the early morning apricot horns and had a bowl of Cheerios instead! You can see how it felt like any other day.

Well, it didn't turn out to be so bad after all. The drive up here was quicker that usual (the weather cooperated) and there was barely any traffic. My mom handed me a plate of apricot horns when I arrived and I sat down at the table to enjoy them with the classical music station playing in the background. Yeah, there are no kids around (my niece and nephew are 21 and 18 respectively) and yeah, I was still wistful, but we laughed and drank wine and had an amazing meal and exchanged gifts and ate hundreds of sugar cookies. I survived. It wasn't so bad... but NEXT YEAR is going to be SO MUCH BETTER! I just know it! Mark my words.. I'm going to post a link to this post next year! lol

I hope you had a very merry Christmas!



NaBloPoMo #25 theme:thankful

Holiday Music

I love Christmas music, especially traditional carols and hymns. The church where I grew up has a lovely Christmas eve service which starts at 10:45 pm. Near the end of the service, when it's almost midnight, all the lights are dimmed. The church, a very grand neo-Gothic structure, seems so small and intimate when only lit by the twinkling of candlelight. As the congregation sits hushed in the pews, we quietly begin singing Silent Night, with no accompaniment, while on bended knee. It can literally bring tears to your eyes it's so beautiful.

Although I haven't hung a single decoration or sent a single card, I have started to get into the season by listening to some holiday music. As I type this I have The Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Christmas Canon playing in the background from my iTunes. It is so beautiful.

So tonight I am thankful for cherished Christmas music and the memories they evoke.

(If I had the time, I'd figure out to embed a link here but I don't. Sorry.)


NaBloPoMo #9 theme: thankful

Easter 2008

I went to Pittsburgh for Easter.
One of our annual traditions is making a lamb cake.
Here I am with the cake mold.

Yum! Crumbs!


Here's my mom with the cake after successfully removing it from the mold.


The finished cake with chocolate chip eyes, sitting in pink jelly beans!


Here's a video of my mom explaining why we make a lamb cake.
(turn down music below to hear better)