I complained. I hyperventilated. I was anxious and stressed out. I said I didn't have enough time.
So I emailed my agency and asked them if I got a referral soon would I still be able to travel around Xmas. Their reply?
Even if I got a referral today, I should be prepared to not travel before March. March? March!
I needed more time but I wanted to go back and use the time I wasted, not get an extra three months.
I am officially angry. All along I had planned on traveling in October. Hold my paperwork even though there are waiting babies, I told them, because I don't yet qualify for FMLA. So they did. They tried to time it so I could travel the first week of October when I had worked the required 1250 hours. But that was a cruel joke. No, dear, you won't be traveling in October. Or November. Or December. Or January. Or February. Plan on March, they said.
I am angry. I want to cry because I feel like I am wasting my life. Or at least the past two years. I am working in a job I don't love-- stuck in this city, in a holding pattern-- waiting for this little girl. I know it will be worth it in the end, I know that (though I doubt I will forget how trying it has all been like you read from so many adoptive parents who have been put through he!!) but damn if it doesn't suck to not have the money to travel and shop and have fun while I am waiting. And no husband or boyfriend to lean on. Just me, here all alone, with no one to share in my frustration. And if another co-worker or family member asks me "Have you heard anything yet?" I think I am going to screeeeeeeaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmm! NO, I HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING YET AND IF YOU KEEP ASKING ME EVERY WEEK UNTIL MARCH SOMEONE IS GOING TO GET CUT.
But seriously, had I known it was going to take this freakin' long I would have taken my overseas job, made a ton of money and traveled all over Asia while I waited. Instead, I am in a low paying job, bored, lonely and with no extra money to do anything but sit here and wait.
I can't help but to complain... and to take a break from this stupid blog and this frustrating and unpredictable adoption process.
I know I am blessed but right now I think all I can manage to do is go cry myself to sleep.
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Thx, Tami :)
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Adoption Timeline
- 2.25.10-3.07.10 - traveled to ET!
- 2.12.10 - bought tickets!!!!!
- 2.12.10 - more shots! ouch!
- 2.2.10 ~ passed court!! i'm a mommy!!
- 1.26.10 ~ didn't pass court... new one scheduled for Feb. 2nd
- 1.4.10 ~ court date - Jan. 26th!!
- 1.4.10 ~ oh, here it is!!
- 1.3.10 ~ where is my court date??
- 10.29.09 ~ REFERRAL !!
- 8.21.09 ~ passport arrived
- 8.03.09 ~ applied for new passport
- 7.08.09 ~ dossier mailed to ET
- 6.16.09 ~ dossier approved
- 6.11.09 ~ mailed my dossier to my agency
- 5.21.09 ~ I-171H arrived!!!
- 4.17.09 ~biometrics appt.
- 3.27.09 ~ mailed HS to CIS
- 2.27.09 ~ finished HS - FINALLY!!
- 1.29.09 ~ ordered another birth certificate! (yes, the date of when it was issued is important! go figure!)
- 12.23.08 ~ picked a new agency
- 1.21.09 ~ final HS meeting
- 1.7.09 ~ finished my Hague training
- researched new agencies
- 11.18.08 ~ was informed by Gladney that due to new regulations my adoption won't be processed until 2012.
- 8.1.08 ~ filed the I600A
- 7.29.08 ~ received birth certificate
- 7.28.08 ~ physical & bloodwork (update)
- 7.17.08 ~ ordered birth certificate
- 5.21.08-6.21.08 ~ volunteered in an orphanage in Addis Ababa to learn more about adoption and my future child's birth country and culture
- 5.12.08 ~ shots (ouch!)
- 5.8.08 ~ got fingerprinted
- 4.20.08 ~ Gave up job in Manila to stay and adopt
- 4.15.08 ~ informed by Gladney that they cannot complete my adoption if I move overseas
- 4.1.08 ~ US entered into Hague Convention for International Adoption
- 3.13.08 ~ Got copy of driving record from DMV
- 3.7.08 ~ 3rd HS
- 2.24.08 ~ Accepted dream job in Manila
- 2.11.08 ~ 2nd HS
- 1.11.08 ~ 1st HS
- 9.13.07 ~ Chose World Child for HS
- 8.28.07 ~ Registered with Gladney
- 7.12.07 ~ Physical & bloodwork
- 7.9.07 ~ Gladney Phone Orientation
- 7.3.07 ~ Faxed info. sheet to Gladney
11 comments:
You know nothing about this process is easy dispite those who say "you just have to get on a plane and go get your baby how easy you have it".. They have no idea. While I was in Africa and everything was going wrong and things were not looking good at all, I met a grandmother who reminded me a lot of Maya Angelou. She said two things, first, the government thinks they run this country but really god does (she was right about that), and second... She said that every mother even adoptive ones must go through labor. When your labor is done then you will truly feel like the mother of your child. This is your labor Laura, and when you finally hold your baby girl you will realize that all this hardship and emotional upheaval was your journey to your daughter. Hang in there, looking back I can honestly say without a doubt that the wonderful wise woman I met in Africa was right.
Hang in there Laura! It does happen. It is so freakin unpredictable and totally lonely, but you will meet your perfect little girl, perfect only for you. All the things you postponed were to prepare you for the big change that is on its way. You will travel before they say. Just prepare your bags and get ready!
Sista, it's okay to cry.
International Adoption is Bi-Polar because one day it's high, the next it's low, seems like there's never really a time when it all just flow.
Not only that, but you've worked hard putting together a Yard Sale, got you a list of things that need to get done, have jumped the hoops with paperchasing, have waited for more than two years. Yes, you can give yourself permission to cry.
You'll feel better after a cleansing cry...You're continually in my thoughts and tonight, my prayers.
Oh wow, I really like what the first commenter said....
This is your labor.
Harder, perhaps, than physical labor. Longer, certainly.
My wait was easy peasy. My labor came AFTER Charlie was home (and is still going on).
Yea, none of us escape it.
Hang in there.
Many hugs!!! This process sucks. It really does. Just keep hanging on...
That does stink! :-( I am so sorry! I know it doesn't make things feel any better when you are having a bad day...just try to remember that God is in charge of all this and it is HIS timing not ours....there is a reason for the wait rather you will figure it out in this lifetime or not.
In the meantime: cry if you want and then go get some Ben and Jerry's!! It always makes me feel better ;-)
It's not complaining...just airing the frustration of life and not being able to control it. It's hard...a hard hard wait with many unknowns. I agree...eat some ice cream:) Praying for your special baby to come to you soon.
Becky
UGH!! That is such horrible news from your agency. There is nothing worse than having your timeline pushed out. That ever moving finish line SUCKS so bad!! I know exactly how lonely you feel. It is so very hard to get through this without a partner. Friends and family aren't there to snuggle with at night. It's just not the same.
I console myself with the confidence that my trouble and strife is preparing me to be ana AWESOME single mother. The same holds true for you.
...I also console myself with chocolate ;-)
Oh the pain! The process nearly made me crazy (mine was Guatemala). I think it's the total lack of control over your own life that really gets to you. I wish I could get you fast forwarded to where you want to be.
Stefanie
I'm so sorry. I completely understand where you are - I was there too. And the only thing I can tell you is - once you have your daughter - this will all fade. Hang in there.
Again - if you'd like to meet up sometime - let me know. We single Moms need to stick together.
Oh, sooo disappointing... and I was just distressed beyond words... and then I read the wonderfully understanding and supportive comments of your kind blog "family" and felt better ... You are so brave and we know it WILL HAPPEN!!!!!
LOVE LOVE LOVE... moi
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