Bad Dream

I had a dream last night. Or maybe it was a nightmare. I woke up with my face still twisted up in pain and my mouth contorted as if silent screams were emanating from deep within.

I dreamt that I got text message from my father. It said, "Congratulations, Mommy. She is so beautiful." I called him right away because at this point I hadn't seen my child. (somehow I knew in the dream he wasn't referring to a photograph). When I called him I discovered he and my mom and my sister had gone to Ethiopia and picked up my child and were caring for her back home. They said they were trying to be helpful because they knew I had to work. I was sick to my stomach. Sick because they got to experience the first meeting at the care center; sick because they got to hold her first; sick because at this point it had been about a week and I was sure my child had bonded to them.

Is it obvious that bonding time with my child is on my mind? Becoming a new mom is when it really sucks to be American. As you can imagine, my maternity benefits are not enviable. Sure, I can take loads of time off--in fact my contract states they will save my job for up to 3 years, but of course this three years is unpaid. Being single, that benefit isn't terribly useful. I was talking to a Canadian friend of mine the other day. She has a newborn at home so I asked her what her paid maternity leave was like and she casually said, "Oh, it's about a year." A year? Really? Really. She gets 15 weeks maternity, paid, and then an additional 35 weeks parental benefits, paid. Yup, that's about a year. I knew Europeans had it good, but Canadians, too?

I'm wondering, how much time should I be taking off? I'd love to take a year but that's not an option. Six months is not really an option either. I imagine my daughter will be somewhere between 6-18 months when I bring her home. For the smoothest transition, to build trust, to ensure bonding how much time do you think I need?