Welcome to my blog!

I have decided to expand my little family of one (is one a family?) and become a mommy! After many, many hours of soul searching and prayer, I realize that I cannot wait any longer for Prince Charming. He is surely around the corner :-) and when he arrives we will be a package deal!

Tomorrow is my abdominal myomectomy and in two months I can begin trying to have a baby. My RE tells me the statistics. At my age they are not great. I am not sure to what lengths I am willing to try to conceive. IVF, if it comes to that, is very expensive and taxing emotionally. I don't know if I want to go through that alone nor am I a fan of pharmaceutical drugs. And even if I am able to conceive without medical intervention, do I want to go to a pregnancy alone? It would be such a bittersweet experience. And then there's the issue of donor sperm and how to tactfully and lovingly explain this to a toddler who inquires about her daddy. Perhaps being genetically connected to my child is not as important to me after all?

In the winter I attended a 5 week adoption certification training class through DC Child and Family Services. The process, once your home study is complete, allows you to foster or adopt child from the District of Columbia. Most of the children are school age (over age 6) because most abuse is identified in a school setting. These children suffer from emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse or neglect. I know that I am not prepared to handle all of the needs of a child with that kind of past. I expressed this to the social worker and told her I would prefer an infant or at least a child under two. The way to best end up with an infant or toddler is to foster to adopt. Basically, you take in a foster child and if they are unable to reunify the baby with his or her family, s/he is cleared for adoption. The obvious concern with this process is I will bond with the child and then she will be returned to her biological family. I know I can not do this. I will be attached and it will break my heart. The only other option then for me is to hope to be matched with the one or two children a year who are abandoned in the hospital. I have started to complete the paperwork but I know that even these babies are likely to have other issues, like inadequate prenatal care or drug/alcohol abuse by the birth mom. My heart aches for these children and I thought I could manage, but honestly, I am not sure. I want to be sure.

I knew I always wanted to adopt. Growing up with Megan and Susan Coffey as friends introduced me to the process at a young age. Megan was in my preschool and Susan was added to the Coffee family when she was 2. From as long as I can remember I always knew that I, too, would one day adopt. So, this past year I began researching domestic and international adoption. Several months ago I read on the State Department website that in Ethiopia the mother could not be more than 40 years older than the child she adopts, and knowing that I would prefer an infant I was disheartened. So I put Ethiopia out of my mind and researched other African countries. The only other one was South Africa but in order for Americans to adopt from there, they require a FIVE YEAR residency requirement! That ruled that out. It baffles me that with so many children orphaned from poverty and AIDS that it isn't easier for Americans to adopt African children. I just don't understand. So, after being so discouraged by this news, I started to research domestic adoption. But I was dismayed to learn that the birth mother gets to choose who she wants to raise her child. I understand the importance of this from her perspective but I was told that the wait time could be over a year for an infant as birth moms would most likely pass me over for affluent couples.

How am I going to become a mommy?! I have been working with children for the past 15 years. Currently I teach in a preschool and 3 year olds are just the best! So verbal and so affectionate! My co-teacher is pregnant as well as two of my students' moms. Every day someone is talking about pregnancy and every day I see the joy in these parents eyes when they pick up their little darlings from school. But what road makes sense for me? Do I try to have my own? Do I go through the foster care system? If I adopt, do I go private or international? I have spent many hours discussing my options with friends and family. What an emotional journey!

Well, last month I found out that Wide Horizons was going to be in the area to do an informational session on adopting from Ethiopia. Although I was under the impression that the youngest child I could get would be over 2, I decided to attend anyway because a woman was going to be there with her child and talk about her experiences adopting as a single woman. Well, lo and behold, I found out that the information on the State Department website regarding age was incorrect!! I could actually get an infant at my age!! At that point, Ethiopia became my number one choice again. Children from Ethiopia, I have read, tend to be well cared for and the transition to an adopted home is usually fairly smooth. They are usually only placed into care when one or both parents have succumbed to disease or when poverty makes caring for a child too difficult. But they are usually wanted and loved and that makes the transition easier. I was getting excited.

Well, just last night it became eminently clear. . .

I have always felt a connection to Africa. Perhaps it started when I had the time of my life attending The Hillcrest School in Jos, Nigeria in the 11th grade. Although my parents refused to leave me in Nigeria to graduate, I knew I would always return. All the terrible news you hear about Africa-civil war, poverty, the AIDS pandemic, inadequate health care and lack of educational facilities, infant and child rape, etc. has been on my mind for several years. How could I help? What can one person possibly do? It is so overwhelming to think about. Then I read Claudia Ford's book Why Do I Scream at God for the Rape of Babies? and was incredibly saddened. How can there be so much evil in the world? Or is it just ignorance? Perhaps, I thought, I should teach overseas. That way I could volunteer on the weekend and be there first hand. I had this overwhelming desire to get to Africa again. And then I figured out a way. A good friend of mine lives in Senegal so I contacted her and booked a trip. I hadn't been to Africa in twenty-five years and in March I went to Senegal for two weeks. She works that the International School of Dakar and on her salary is able to live comfortably as a single mom. After that trip, I decided that if I am still single when my child is school age, that I would return to Senegal or somewhere else on the continent and take a position in an international school. So many thoughts swirling in my head!!! Meanwhile, back in the States I still spent countless hours reading about Africa and trying to figure out what I could do as one individual. Then I learned about Bono's One campaign. The focus is if we all work together poverty and AIDS can be eliminated. Check out his website! Then thank God for all you have and decide to help. Look at it now!

"http://www.one.org"


So, as I was saying, last night it became clear. I am going to adopt from Ethiopia. It makes so much sense now. I want a connection to Africa. I want to help. And I can return with my child, to her homeland, possibly, and teach. I really believe that this is what God is leading me to do. Does he also want me to have a biological child? I don't know what his plan is for that. But I feel so strongly that this adoption is meant to be. So, when I get discharged from the hospital and can sit upright at the computer comfortably again, I will start researching agencies and start the process! And if I start now, my little one could be in my arms by next summer!