I started this journey to motherhood almost a year and a half ago. I debated between having biological children and adoption and then between foster care, domestic and international. I made the decision to do international and then thought I wasn't really ready. So I went to an international job fair and accepted a job in Manila. When the Hague Convention went into effect, I had to decide between a dream job and adoption. I chose adoption. Since I had already quit my job to prepare for an international move, I had the time to actually go and visit Ethiopia, the home of my future child. When I returned I was so excited and ready to resume the process but didn't have a job. Now that I have a job, though, I am faced with this daunting amount of paperwork. I know I'm not complaining to the right crowd cause most of my readers have gone through it or are in the process themselves, but I am overwhelmed. I am not only overwhelmed with the paperwork but all the responsibilities of my new job which don't seem to leave me the time or energy needed to tackle the task. I have made headway in my homestudy but my social worker is impossible to get on the phone. In the last two weeks I have emailed him, called him, left messages and sent him paperwork in the mail but he has yet to acknowledge the receipt of the items or return any of my calls. Added to this, I'm surrounded by friends who are are trying to convince me to have biological children or friends who tell me I am crazy to be a parent at all. I read the blogs less and less and I post less and less as this whole process seems so completely out of reach and I am totally overwhelmed and discouraged. I feel like I am in this totally alone with no one who understands. And forget the yahoo groups! I don't even want to go there...
Just venting. I'll get it together.. tomorrow is another day. I'm just tired.
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Thx, Tami :)
Adoption/Ethiopia/ Humanitarian
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- turn your blog into a book!!
Adoption Timeline
- 2.25.10-3.07.10 - traveled to ET!
- 2.12.10 - bought tickets!!!!!
- 2.12.10 - more shots! ouch!
- 2.2.10 ~ passed court!! i'm a mommy!!
- 1.26.10 ~ didn't pass court... new one scheduled for Feb. 2nd
- 1.4.10 ~ court date - Jan. 26th!!
- 1.4.10 ~ oh, here it is!!
- 1.3.10 ~ where is my court date??
- 10.29.09 ~ REFERRAL !!
- 8.21.09 ~ passport arrived
- 8.03.09 ~ applied for new passport
- 7.08.09 ~ dossier mailed to ET
- 6.16.09 ~ dossier approved
- 6.11.09 ~ mailed my dossier to my agency
- 5.21.09 ~ I-171H arrived!!!
- 4.17.09 ~biometrics appt.
- 3.27.09 ~ mailed HS to CIS
- 2.27.09 ~ finished HS - FINALLY!!
- 1.29.09 ~ ordered another birth certificate! (yes, the date of when it was issued is important! go figure!)
- 12.23.08 ~ picked a new agency
- 1.21.09 ~ final HS meeting
- 1.7.09 ~ finished my Hague training
- researched new agencies
- 11.18.08 ~ was informed by Gladney that due to new regulations my adoption won't be processed until 2012.
- 8.1.08 ~ filed the I600A
- 7.29.08 ~ received birth certificate
- 7.28.08 ~ physical & bloodwork (update)
- 7.17.08 ~ ordered birth certificate
- 5.21.08-6.21.08 ~ volunteered in an orphanage in Addis Ababa to learn more about adoption and my future child's birth country and culture
- 5.12.08 ~ shots (ouch!)
- 5.8.08 ~ got fingerprinted
- 4.20.08 ~ Gave up job in Manila to stay and adopt
- 4.15.08 ~ informed by Gladney that they cannot complete my adoption if I move overseas
- 4.1.08 ~ US entered into Hague Convention for International Adoption
- 3.13.08 ~ Got copy of driving record from DMV
- 3.7.08 ~ 3rd HS
- 2.24.08 ~ Accepted dream job in Manila
- 2.11.08 ~ 2nd HS
- 1.11.08 ~ 1st HS
- 9.13.07 ~ Chose World Child for HS
- 8.28.07 ~ Registered with Gladney
- 7.12.07 ~ Physical & bloodwork
- 7.9.07 ~ Gladney Phone Orientation
- 7.3.07 ~ Faxed info. sheet to Gladney
11 comments:
Sounds like you need a cyber hug... ((HUG)). Break down the paperwork into smaller parts. Keep calling your social worker. Hang in there. You are not alone. If all else fails, go watch Ethiopian adoption videos on you tube. (:
You are not alone.
Actually; you're preaching to the choir.
Take how you feel but add the fact that you are unmarried and over 40.
Yeah; you get the picture.
Confusion; that's my middle name.
It will all work out for the good for those who BELIEVE...
Keep the faith and keep smiling.:)
Sen
Hey, sorry to hear you are so overwhelmed.
I have found on this journey that things are going to happen in their own time, and while I can do some things to help the whole thing move forward, some things are out of my control. Getting references from friends who apparently need MONTHS to get a one page letter sent off, forgetting to get my passport (ARG) and waiting for agency workers and the government to do their part -- all these things have slowed me down and put me behind where I "should" be.
But such is life. And this process has taught me patience if nothing else (a good quality of a parent). I had a plan, but it doesn't matter. Nothing is going as planned. I am trying to convince myself to let go. My girl is out there. And she will be ready to come home with me some day. I hope that day is soon, but, well, I am working really hard at accepting that things will happen when they do.
They will for you too. I know you want to be a mom, and you will. It will happen, and until then, take a cue from Hazel and her "Things to do before I become a mother" list. It will come. Persist, endure and expect snags, frustration and tears. But when all is said and done, you will be a mom. Be encouraged.
Yup...I don't understand. I don't understand how I live 5 minutes from you and you think you don't have anyone who understands... Okay. I hope you feel better.
I am also a single mom of two daughters born in Haiti. DON'T GIVE UP!!!!! It is okay to be frustrated, totally normal and to feel overwhelmed but don't give up. It will be soooooo worth it!
Sharon
Hang in there! You are not alone!! I too had all those feelings when we started. The amount of paper totally frustrated me and everything is so redundant. But you can finish it. Just take 1 piece at a time. It will add up. In this process I've felt like the turtle, but hopefully we will eventually get to the finish line.
As for the non-supporters, just plug your ears with cotton, and do what your heart tells you to do. There will always be more opinions given than requested. No one knows what you should do better than you!
I understand how frustrating it is. I too am a single mom to be and I a waiting for a court date. it is not easy. I teach as well and there are times when I ask myself, "What in the world am I doing?" Then I look at my son's face and I know we are meant to be together! My advice....do one thing everyday that brings you closer to completing the process, even if it is a phonecall, e-mail, mail request for a document etc. Trust me, you can do it!
Hugs!
I understand. This month marks my 14th month in the process and although I see the light at the end of the tunnel the daily frustrations can seem too much. Hang in there and we are here for you.
I just stumbled across your blog. I am a single mother to an almost 3 year old from Guatemala. I tried to get pregnant and then went the adoption route. I can reiterate what everyone has said about the paperwork and empathize with how hard it is, but more importantly wanted to comment about being a mommy. It's the best thing i have ever done and every other cliche you can think of. My son makes me laugh and smile every day (and scream and pull my hair out most days) and just brings so much joy to my life. Don't give up- it is so worth it.
I wish you well on your journey and hope that all the notaries do it right the first time and that your social worker responds soon.
Don't worry - we are all supporters of you and have all felt the same frustrations & exhaustion over the process. I remember thinking I would never get my training or dossier done. It seemed an unsurmountable pile of paperwork. If you haven't tried this yet, maybe divvy it all up into chunks and set a chunk to do each day or week - like homework.
As for your s/w - what a jerk!! You NEED him to respond to you. You are PAYING him to respond to you. Can you escalate the matter within the agency or is there someone else who can take your calls/emails?
((HUGS))
p.s. I'm sorry, I haven't commented on your blog in ages.
Blogging should show you, that we've all had to 'pay the dues' in adoption. During the wait, it's impossible to imagine that it does work out. It does. It nearly kills you, sure, but it does work out.
Your hearts desire is so worth it.
Besides, after Obama's great win, shouldn't that inspire us, that with time, all good things happen.
Thinking of you.
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